JOSEPH  ENTANGLED: 


The  amateur  fee  for  each  and  every  representa- 
tion of  this  play  is  Three  Guineas,  payable  in 
advance  to  the  authoj-'s  sole  agents  :• — 

MESSRS.  SAMUEL  FRENCH,  LTD., 

26,  SOUTHAMPTON  STREET, 

STRAND,  LONDON. 

No  performance  may  take  place  unless  a  written 
authority  has  first  been  obtained. 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


A  COMEDY  IN   THREE  ACTS 


BY 


HENRY   ARTHUR   JONES 


COPYRIGHT,  1906,  BY  HENRY  ARTHUR  JOXES 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

26  WEST  22D  STREET 


LONDON 
SAMUEL  FRENCH,  LTD. 

PUBLISHERS 

89  STRAND 


PERSONS   REPRESENTED. 

SIR  JOSEPH  LACY. 

HARDOLPH  MAYNE,  Lady  Verona's  husband. 

HARRY  TAVENDER. 

GERALD  FANMERE,  Lady  Joyce's  husband. 

JERMYN  PYECROFT. 

PROFESSOR  TOFIELD,  Jobsonian  Professor  of  Moral  Philosophy. 

KNAPMAN. 

STADDON. 

FOOTMAN. 

LADY  VERONA  MAYNE. 

LADY  JOYCE  FANMERE,  Lady  Verona's  sister, 

MRS.  HARRY  TAVENDER. 

MRS.  KNAPMAN. 

The  action  takes  place  in  London  at  the  present  time, 
ACT  I. 

SCENE  i :  THE     MORNING-ROOM     AT     MR.     HARDOLPH 
MAYNE'S,  SAVILLE  STREET,  PICCADILLY. 
Time  :  Ten  o'clock  on  an  evening  in  August. 

SCENE  2  :  THE  SAME. 

Time  :  The  next  morning. 

ACT    II. 

SCENE:  SIR    JOSEPH'S    CHAMBERS,    OVERLOOKING    THE 
GREEN  PARK. 

Time  .-An  afternoon  in  the  following  October. 
ACT   III. 

SCENE:  THE  BACK  DRAWING-ROOM  AT  MR.  HARDOLPH 
MAYNE'S. 

Time  :  The  same  afternoon. 


The  following  is  a  copy  of  the  playbill  of  the  first  performance  of 
"Joseph  Entangled"  at  the  Haymarket  Theatre,  London  : 

TO-NIGHT,  TUESDAY,  JANUARY  IOTH,  1904,  AT  845  O'CLOCK 

will  be  produced  for  the  first  time 
A  NEW  COMEDY  IX  THREE  ACTS,  CALLED 

JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 

BY  HENRY  ARTHUR  JONES 


SIR  JOSHH  LACY  Mr.  Cyril  Maude. 

HARDOLPH  MAYNB  Lady  Verona's 
Husband) Mr.  Herbert  Waring. 

HARRY  TA VENDER Mr.  Sam  Sothern. 

GERALD  FAXMERB  (Lady  Joyce's 

Husband) Mr.  Kenneth  Douglas. 

JF.RMYN  PYECROFT Mr.  Charles  Sugden. 

PROFESSOR  TOFIELD  (Jobsonian  Prof- 
essor of  Moral  Philosophy) Mr.  Edmund  Maurice. 

KXAPMAN Mr.  Frederic  Volpe. 

STADDON Mr.  Rudge  Harding. 

FOOTMAN Mr.  A.  G.  Onslow. 

LADY  VERONA  MAYNB Miss  Ellis  Jeffreys. 

LADY  JOYCB  FANMERE  (her  Sister) .  .Miss  Winifred  Arthur-Jones. 

MRS.  HARRY  TA  VENDER Miss  Beatrice  Ferrar. 

MRS.  KNAPMAN  . .  . .  Mrs.  Charles  Calvert. 


The  JoTloii'ing  is  a  copy  of  t7ie  cast  of  the  original  performance 
in  America  at  the  Columbia  Theatre,  San  Francisco,  Cali- 
fornia, on  A  ugust  Sth,  1904  : 


"JOSEPH    ENTANGLED" 

A  PLAY  IN  THREE  ACTS 

BV 

HENRY  ARTHUR  JONES. 


SIR  JOSEPH  LACY         ...        ._        ...  Mr.  Henry  Miller. 

HARDOLPH  MAYNE        Mr.  John  Glendinning. 

PROFESSOR  TOFIELD     Mr.  Walter  Allen. 

JERMYN  PYECROFT       Mr.  Stanley  Dark. 

HARRY  TAVENDER        Mr.  Frederick  Tieden. 

GERALD  FANMERE Mr.  J.  Hartley  Manners. 

KNAPMAN  Mr.  Fred  Tyler. 

STADDON  ... ...  Mr.  Bertram  Harrison. 

FOOTMAN Mr.  Frank  Willard. 

LADY  VERONA  MAYNE  Miss  Hilda  Spong. 

LADY  JOYCE  FANMERE  Miss  Grace  Heyer. 

MRS.  HARRY  TAVENDER         ,,.        ...  Miss  Jessie  Busley. 

MRS.  KNAPMAN  ...        _        ...        ..   Mrs.  Maggie  Holloway  Fisher. 


f 


a 


1 

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1 

& 

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p-"                   10 

~~j                                =1 

I                 5  I 

a 

3 

4 

a      \ 

H 

5  <y 

=  3                   v< 

"6                      | 

ACT  I. 

SCENE  i.  The  morning-room  at  MR.  HARDOLPH 
MAYNE'S,  Saville  Street,  Piccadilly.  A  small 
front  room  on  the  ground  floor  in  a  London 
mansion.  A  door  at  back  leading  into  hall.  A 
door  right.  A  -window,  left,  looking  out  upon  a 
fashionable  West  End  street.  A  table  up  stage, 
left,  'with  chairs  on  each  side.  An  oval  table 
dozvn  stage,  right.  A  table  with  writing  mate- 
rials down  stage,  left,  below  window.  A  hand- 
some cabinet  at  back  to  right  of  door.  A  clock 
on  the  mantel-shelf.  The  room  is  bright,  cosy, 
and  furnished  with  taste;  but  there  are  evidences 
that  the  family  is  out  of  town.  There  is  a  gen- 
eral air  of  untidiness,  betokening  a  month's  ab- 
sence of  the  housemaid.  Several  articles  of  wear- 
ing-apparel belonging  to  MR.  and  MRS.  KNAP- 
MAN  are  scattered  about  the  room,  a  bonnet, 
shawl,  trousers,  slippers,  etc.  The  table,  left,  is 
laid  for  two  in  a  slovenly  way,  and  with  a  dirty 
tablecloth.  A  supper  of  cold  ham,  with  bread, 
and  beer  has  just  been  eaten,  and  its  remains  are 
apparent.  The  window  is  thrown  open  at  the 
bottom  and  the  blind  is  up.  The  time  is  ten 
o'clock,  on  an  evening  in  late  August  when  no- 
body is  in  town. 

Discover  at  the  table  left,  KNAPMAN  and  MRS. 
KNAPMAN.  KNAPMAN  is  a  portly  butler  about 
fifty,  in  his  shirt-sleeves,  and  with  his  tie 

7 


ACT    I 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


SC.  I 


loosened;  his  coat  is  hanging  on  a  chair.  MRS. 
KNAPMAN  is  a  housekeeper  of  about  the  same 
age;  she  is  quietly  dressed  after  the  manner  of 
her  class.  As  the  curtain  rises  MRS.  KNAPMAN 
is  draining  the  remains  of  her  beer  from  her 
tankard.  KNAPMAN,  haring  just  finished  his, 
stretches  out  his  legs  and  arms,  and  yawns. 


Kites,  takes 
kit  coat  from 
ckair  !_,  putt 
it  on. 


1  Goes »/  c.  fftt 
Mis  hat  front 
chuir  and 
fftMS  floor. 


«   Filling        kit 


•  Rites  and  col- 
lects dirty  pla.- 
tes. 


1  Going  out. 


KNAPMAN.     [Taking  out  liis  watch.] 

Five  minutes  to  ten ! l  What  a  demoralizing  hole 
London  is  out  of  the  season. 

MRS.  K.     [Severely.] 
Yes — for  them  as  will  demoralize  themselves. 

KNAP. 

Meaning  me,  Eliza?2 

MRS.  K. 
If  the  cap  fits,  you  can  put  it  on. 

KNAP.     [Good-humour  cdly] 

Very  well,  I  will.  Having  no  better  occupation  for 
my  mind,  Eliza,  I'm  going  to  demoralize  myself  for 
a  quarter  of  an  hour  at  the  "  Lord  Palmerston."  3 

MRS.  K. 
A  auarter  of  an  hour!     Well,  I'm  going  to  bed.4 

KNAP. 

I  offer  no  objection;  I've  got  the  master's  latch- 
key.5 

MRS.  K. 

If  you're  late,  and   especially  if  you're  anyways 
"  on,"  you'd  better  go  up  to  the  top  attic  and  turn 
in  there.     The  bed  is  made. 
8 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  I 


1   I.  ighting    his 
pipe. 

1  At  back. 


8  The  clock  on 
mantel  piece 
strikes  "Ten  " 
When  the  lat- 
ter has  struck 
"  3  times  '*  a 
clock  is  heard 
to  chime  at 
tack  of  stage  — 
4  quarters  and 
"  Ten."  When 
the  2nd  chime 
has  tegnn,  a 
tig  tell  under 
stage  strikes 
"  Ten." 

*  Knock     heard 
off  L.  and  ring 


KNAP. 

Very  well ; 1  you  go  and  take  your  peaceful  slum- 
bers.    I  won't  disturb  you.     Good-night,  Eliza. 

{Exit?-  The  front  door  is  heard  to  shut 
behind  him.  MRS.  KNAPMAN  3  rises 
and  begins  to  clear  away  the  supper 
things.] 

A  knock  at  the  front  door,  follozved  by  a  ring  which 
is  heard  as  if  from  downstairs.4  MRS.  KNAP- 
MAN  is  arrested  in  the  act  of  putting  away  the 
supper  things;  shows  surprise;  the  knock  and 
ring  are  repeated;  MRS.  KNAPMAN  comes 
from  cabinet;  goes  to  windoiv  and  looks  out. 

MRS.  K.     [Looking  out,  surprised.] 
My  lady ! 

LADY  V.     [Voice  outside.] 
Yes,  let  us  in  at  once. 

MRS.  K. 
Yes,  my  lady! 

[Comes  from  window,  goes  off  door  at  back; 
is  heard  to  open  a  door  in  passage. 

A  few  seconds  later  enter  5  LADY  VERONA  MAYNE 
and  LADY  JOYCE  FANMERE,  followed  by  MRS. 
KNAPMAN.6  LADY  VERONA  is  about  thirty; 
LADY  JOYCE  is  her  younger  sister.  They  are 
both  in  travelling  dresses,  with  summer  dust- 
coats  over  them.  They  give  evidences  of 
travel  and  fatigue,  of  past  excitement,  and  a 
little  present  ill-humour. 

MRS.  K.     [Having  followed  them  in.] 

Oh,  my  lady,  if  we'd  had  any  idea  you  were  coming 

up,  you  wouldn't  have  found  the  place  like  this 

9 


5  A  t  back. 


6  Mrs.  Knapinan 
closes  ilie  door 
and  stands  c. 
Lady  V.  goes 
down  R.  ami 
LadyJ.  sits  R 
of  table  u 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


LADY  V. 
Never  mind,  I'm  going  to  sleep  here  to-night- 

MRS.  K. 
Yes,  my  lady.     And  Lady  Joyce? 

LADY  J. 
Xo. 

LADY  V. 

I  suppose  my  room  is  ready  ?  ° 
MRS.  K. 


•  Taking  eff  htr 

f/fZHS. 


1  .Mrs.  A',  snatch- 
et  flit  sltitti'l 
front  tack  of 
'  l.iiitjr  Joyct  i 


5  Mn  K.  steals 
lift  la  cabinet, 
tnkts  uf>  her 
hai.net,  wh  it'll 
is  OH  ckair  l>y 
cabinet,  jtitm/s 
with  her  hiiiitis 
behind  Itrr 
having  the 
b,>  it  n  rt  aiiti 


1  C  anus  c. 


•  Crenei  to  R.  c. 

•  Sits  Jmi'H. 


It  could  be  got  ready  in  a  few  minutes.1  [She  is 
stealthily  collecting  the  articles  of  ^caring-apparel 
belonging  to  KNAPMAN  and  herself.]  Mr.  Mayne's 
room  is  quite  in  order 2 

LADY  V. 

I  prefer  to  sleep  in  my  own.  Go  and  prepare  it, 
and  look  out  everything  that  I  shall  want  for  the 
night. 

MRS.  K.3 

Yes  my  lady.  I  daresay  my  lady  you're  surprised 
to  find  us  up  here  in  the  morning- room. 

LADY  V.     [Sniffing  KNAPMAN'S  tobacco.] 

I  certainly  expected  you  to  keep  to  your  own 
apartments. 

MRS.  K. 

Yes,  my  lady,  and  in  the  natural  course  of  things 
we  should;  but  what  with  this  dreadful  weather — 
and  we  did  fancy  there  was  microbes  downstairs — 
so  we  took  the  liberty  of 

LADY  V. 

Yes,   yes.   very   well,   I'm   tired.4     Please  get  my 
room  ready  at  once.5 
10 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


MRS.  K.1 


Yes,  my  lady.2 


LADY  VERONA  and  LADY  JOYCE  sit  looking 
at  each  other. 

LADY  V.   [Shaking  her  head  severely  at  LADY 
JOYCE.] 

Oh,  you  foolish,  foolish  creature!  If  I  hadn't 
rushed  up  to  town  and  stopped  you,  where  would 
you  have  been  at  this  moment  ? 

LADY  J. 

I  suppose  I  should  have  been  crossing  the  Channel 
with  Colonel  Tyack — [Looks  at  clock]  no,  we 
shouldn't  have  reached  Dover. 

LADY  V. 
You  seem  to  take  it  very  coolly 

LADY  J. 

My  dear,  I'm  just  done!  I  simply  haven't  the 
power  to  feel  anything — not  even  what  a  donkey 
I've  been. 

LADY  V.4 

Joyce,  darling,  you're  sure 

LADY  J. 
Yes,  dear,  quite !     You  believe  me  ? 

LADY  V.     [Looks  searchingly  at  her.] 

Yes,  dear.  [Kisses  her.]  But  how  could  you  have 
been  so  mad  ? 5  I  thought  you  were  very  happy 
with  Fanny. 

LADY  J. 

So  I  am!     Poor  old  Fanny!     I'm  devoted  to  him. 

ii 


1  L.  of  table  R. 

2  Goes  to  door  v. . 
on  turning  she 
suddenly     cat- 
ches sight    of 
Knap  man's 
trousers  -which 
are    over    tlif 
back   of  chair 
K.,  she  steals 
dcnvn  to  chair, 
snatches ;//  thf 
trousers     and 
exits   at  door 


Right. 


*  Rises  and  goes 
to  Joyce,  tak- 
ing her  hand. 


s  Crosses  to  win- 
do'J!  i.. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


1  I.aJy  J.  ristt, 
goe*  nf  C  a 
few  tiffs  the* 
turns  to  speak 
her  next  linn. 


LADY  V. 

Then  why  were  you  going  to  run  away  with 
Colonel  Tyack? 

LADY  J. 

I'm  sure  I  don't  know.  An  uncontrollable  impulse. 
What  made  Lady  Fibury  steal  all  those  silk  blouses 
from  Marshall  and  Snellgrove's?  She  has  ten 
thousand  a  year.  But  she  suddenly  saw  all  the 
pretty  things  in  front  of  her  and  she  couldn't 
resist 

LADY  V. 
That  was  kleptomania. 

LADY  J. 
Well  so  was  mine — a  sort  of  kleptomania. 

LADY  V. 

You  suddenly  saw  Colonel  Tyack — you  don't  call 
him  pretty ! 

LADY  J. 

Xo,  but  he  has  style,  and  a  way  of  commanding — 
Oh,  I  hate  him!  [LADY  VERONA  looks  surprised.] 
I  do  really  hate  him. 

LADY  V. 
And  yet  you  were 

LADY  J.     [Irritated.]  l 

Oh,  Vee.  please  don't  go  on  about  it  any  more. 
You  forget  you  once  planned  to  run  away  with  Jo 
Lacy. 

LADY  V. 

That  was  before  I  was  married.  We  were  both 
free,  and  we  both  loved  each  other 

LADY  J. 

Then  why  didn't  you  go  on  with  it? 
12 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


1  Goes  to  front  of 
table  L. 


LADY  V. 

I  heard  such  dreadful  tales  about  Jo — and  I  funked 
it  at  the  last  moment.  Poor  Jo,  I'm  afraid  I 
treated  him  very  badly!  But — he  soon  got  over  it 
and — [sighs  deeply]  I  daresay  I'm  much  happier 
with  Hardolph — at  least,  I'm  much  safer.1  Now, 
dear,  we're  not  going  to  have  any  more  attacks  of 
this — this  matrimonial  kleptomania? 

LADY  J. 

No!  Of  course  not.  Colonel  Tyack  will  be  in 
Egypt,  and  my  dear  old  Fanny  will  be  back  to-night 
to  take  care  of  me.  Ah ! 

LADY  V. 
What's  the  matter  ? 

LADY  J. 

Fanny  wrote  me  to  go  to  Thurston's  hotel  and  take 
our  usual  rooms  and  wait  there  for  him.  His  train 
is  due  at  eleven. 

LADY  V. 
Hadn't  I  better  come  with  you? 

LADY  J. 

No.  He'd  wonder  why  you  were  up  in  town.2  I'll 
get  a  cab  at  the  corner.  Don't  worry  about  me  any 
more.  I'm  quite  safe.  [Very  heartily.']  Bless 
you,  dear !  It  was  good  of  you  to  rush  up  and  save 
me.  Good-night,  old  girl.  [A  very  hearty  caress. 


-  Goes  tip  to  door 
c.,  then  turns 
to  Lady  I'. 


LADY  V. 


Good-night,  dear. 


[They  kiss  each  other  very  heartily.5 

LADY  J. 

Vee,  you  won't  say  a  word  to  Hardolph  about  this  ? 

13 


3  Lady  J.  off  its 
door  and  then 
turns  again. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENGANGLED 


sc.  i 


LADY  V. 

No,  dear,  of  course  not.  Harclolph  doesn't  under- 
stand matrimonial  kleptomania. 

LADY  J.     [Hastily  glances  at  her  watch.] 
I  must  rush  off. 

[Exit,1  followed  by  LADY  VERONA.    Leaves 
door  open. 

MRS.  KNAPMAN  enters*  hastily  puts  the  ham 
into  the  cabinet,  finds  a  pair  of  KNAPMAN'S 
slippers'-1  thrones  them  off4  looks  round  to  see 
if  the  room  is  clear  of  her  belongings.5  Re- 
enter  LADY  VERONA.° 

MRS.  KJ 

Your  room  is  quite  ready,  my  lady.  Shall  I  wait 
on  you? 

LADY  V. 
Yes,  please.     Where  is  Knapman  ?  8 

MRS.  K. 

He's  gone  to  pay  a  visit  to  his  mother  at  Willesden 
Green;  and  she  being  very  aged  he  might  be  a 
little  late  on  account  of  her  dropsy.  There's  no 
need  for  me  to  wait  up,  unless  your  ladyship  wishes 
me  to. 

LADY  V. 

No,  I  shall  be  going  back  to  Oxfordshire  by  the 
half-past  ten  train.  I  shall  want  some  breakfast.9 


Right. 


»  In    front    ft 
tatie*. 

4  Door  right. 

1  A       door       it 
heard  to  iliiin 


*  At  back. 

7  Stands  behind 
fhair  i_  C 


•  C,ett  her  fait, 
gloret  and  bag 
from  chair 


Goet  »/  x.  c. 


MRS.  K. 
Yes,  my  lady.     Ham  and  eggs?    Or  a  sole- 

LADY  V. 

Anything.     A  sole  will  do. 
14 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


Yes,  my  lady.1 


MRS.  K. 


LADY  V.2 


Oh,  Mrs.  Knapman,  you  needn't  mention  my  visit 
to  town  with  Lady  Joyce. 

MRS.  K. 

Oh  no,  my  lady,  of  course  not.3 

[Exit  LADY  VERONA."*  MRS.  KNAPMAN 
looks  round,  draivs  down  the  window 
sash,  bolts  it,  puts  out  electric  light. 
Exit?  A  long  pause.  G  The  clock  in 
room  strikes  the  half  hour.  The  clock 
at  back  also  chimes  the  half  hour. 

The  front  door  is  heard  to  open,  and  KNAPMAN 
enters  at  back,  smoking,  turns  up  the  electric 
light,  takes  his  pipe  out  of  his  mouth,  breathes 
heavily  as  if  oppressed  by  the  heat. 

KNAP. 
Whew ! T 

SIR  J.     [Voice  heard  outside.] 
Hillo,  Knapman,  is  that  you? 

KNAP.     [With  cordial,  respectful  recognition? 
Sir  Joseph !     I  didn't  know  you  were  in  town,  sir ! 

SIR  J.      [Voice  outside,] 

I  wish  I  wasn't.  I've  just  come  up  from  Devon- 
shire, and  I've  lost  all  my  luggage.  Any  of  your 
folks  in  town? 

KNAP. 

No,  Sir  Joseph.  Would  you  care  to  come  inside 
for  a  moment? 

15 


By  this  time 
Mrs.  A',  hat 
moved  from 
back  of  chair 
L.  C.  to  back  of 
table  L.  and  is 
about  to  fold 
the  table-cloth 
up. 

Going  off  c. 
stops,  pauses. 


*  Stops  folding 
cloth  suddenly 
and  makes  a 
grimace  to  in- 
dicate to  audi- 
ence that  she 
suspects  some- 
thing. 

4  At  back. 
6  At  back. 

6  All  lights  on 
stage  go  out 
ivken  electric 
brackets  go. 


7  Closes       door, 
takes  his  coat 
off,  throws   it 
on     chair    by 
cabinet,  moves 
down   to   loin- 
dow    L.,  opens 
it,   sits  on    sill 
and       smokes 
quietly. 

8  Leaning  out  of 
window. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


SIR  J. 
I  don't  mind  if  I  do,  Knapman. 

KNAP. 

I'll  let  you  in,  Sir  Joseph.1 

A  feii'  moments  later  SIR  JOSEPH  LACY  enters  at 
back,  an  English  gentleman  about  forty.  He 
is  in  morning  dress,  as  if  lie  had  just  come 
from  a  journey.  KNAPMAN  follows  him  on.2 

KNAP. 
Lost  your  luggage,  Sir  Joseph? 


1  Comet  away 
from  window, 
fttt  kit  coat, 
ftttt  kit  coat 
on,  exit  at 
tack,  it  heard 
to  ofen  Ike 
front  door. 

*  Clottt  door  and 
tiffs  down. 


*  Placet  kit  hat, 
coat  and  tttck 
on  table  L.  c. 
then  crottet  to 
table  K.  and 
ti'tt  L.  cf  it. 


4  Knapman  goet 
to  cabinet, 
brings  wait- 
key  bottle  and 
tnmbler  and 
jug  of  water. 


Every  stick  of  it.3 


SIR  J. 


KNAP. 


That's  unlucky. 

SIR  J. 

I've  had  a  beastly  unlucky  day.  First  of  all  my 
man  Staddon  gets  laid  up  with  chicken-pox ;  I  have 
to  come  to  town  alone;  get  up  here;  no  luggage; 
telegraph  all  along  the  line,  no  sign  of  it ;  can't  get 
into  my  chambers  as  I've  let  them  till  next  month; 
drive  off  to  my  club,  finds  it's  shut  for  repairs. 
Whew !  It's  very  warm !  Can  you  manage  a  drop 
of  anything  to  drink,  Knapman? 

KNAP. 

I  can  give  you  a  whiskey  and  plain  water,  Sir  Jo- 
seph. 

SIR  J. 
Good.4     Mr.  Mayne  shooting  in  Scotland? 

KNAP. 
Yes,  Sir  Joseph. 

16 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


1  Brings    things 
down  to  table 


SIR  J. 
Lady  Verona  with  him? 

KNAP. 

No,  Sir  Joseph.1  Her  ladyship  is  staying  for  a  few 
weeks  in  Oxfordshire.  [Putting  whiskey  in  front 
of  SIR  JOSEPH.]  Is  there  anything  else  you  stand 
in  need  of,  Sir  Joseph? 

SIR  J. 

Nothing,  my  good  Knapman2 — except  a  bed  in  a 
nice  large — whew ! — cool  room.  I  don't  like  going 
to  an  hotel  without  any  luggage ;  I  suppose  I  shall3 
have  to  turn  in  at  the  Junior — beastly  stuffy  little 
rooms  they  are — and  a  night  like  this — Whew! 


KNAP. 

I  could  put  you  up  in  Mr.  Mayne's  room  for  the 
night,  if  you  don't  mind 

SIR  J. 
That's  a  good  idea  of  yours,  Knapman. 

KNAP. 

I'm  sure  Mr.  Mayne  would  only  be  too  delighted 
to  oblige  you. 

SIR  J. 

I'm  sure  he  would.  I  sha'n't  be  inconveniencing 
anyone  ? 

KNAP. 

Not  a  bit,  Sir  Joseph.  There's  nobody  in  the  house 
except  the  missus  and  me.  And  she's  in  bed  and 
fast  asleep. 

SIR  J. 

Very  well,  Knapman,  you  shall  put  me  up  here  for 
the  night.  Lucky  for  me  I  happened  to  catch  sight 
of  you. 

17 


2  Knapman  goes 
back  to  cabinet, 
shuts  ike  door 
of  it  and  then 
drops  down  c. 

3  Helps    himself 

to  whiskey  and 
•water. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


*Ta*tt    a    cif 
arttti  out. 


*  Lights    cifar- 
tttf. 


KNAP. 
Wasn't  it,  sir? 

SIR  J. 

You're  still  very  comfortable  here,  I  suppose,  Knajv 
man  ? 1 

KNAP. 

Well  yes,  sir,  in  a  general  way.  Of  course,  Sir 
Joseph,  I  shall  always  consider  the  happiest  period 
of  my  life  was  the  fifteen  years  I  spent  in  your 
father's  service. 

SIR  J. 

Ah !  Dear  old  dad ! 2  Good  sort,  wasn't  he  ? 
Fifteen  years  you  were  in  our  family,  eh? 

KNAP. 

Yes,  Sir  Joseph.  And  except  for  the  upsets  on 
your  account,  Sir  Joseph,  if  I'm  not  impertinent  in 
reminding  you  of  your  youthful  sprees 

SIR  J. 

Oh,  no,  Knapman,  oh,  no.  Hey!  Hey!  [S/g/u.] 
Ah!  Ah!  Youthful  sprees  and  I  have  long  been 
strangers. 

KNAP. 
All  over  and  done  with,  Sir  Joseph? 

SIR  J. 
All  over  and  done  with. 

KNAP. 
You  did  go  it  a  terrific  pace  in  those  days,  sir. 

SIR  J. 
Did  I,  Knapman?    You  think  so? 

KNAP. 

Well,  sir,  what  do  you  think  ? 
18 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


I  suppose  I  did. 


SIR  J. 


KNAP. 


That  night  after  the  races,  the  young  lady  that  lost 
her  two  mammas,  one  after  the  other.  Ha!  ha! 
[KNAPMAN  laughs;  SIR  JOSEPH  laughs  in  com- 
pany.] That  was  a  rum  go,  sir. 

SIR  J.     [Laughing.} 
Ha !  Ha !  It  was  a  rum  go,  Knapman. 

KNAP. 

And  you  looking  so  innocent  over  it  all  the  while. 
If  I  might  say  so,  Sir  Joseph,  that's  the  best  of  you. 

SIR  J. 
What's  the  best  of  me? 

KNAP. 

Your  looking  so  innocent.1  You  always  did,  Sir 
Joseph.  And  [gazing  at  SIR  JOSEPH]  so  you  do 
now,  sir. 

SIR  J. 
Do  I?  I  look  innocent  still.     You  think  so,  eh? 


KNAP. 

Yes,  Sir  Joseph.     Nobody  would  take  you  for- 

SIR  J. 
For  what,  Knapman? 

KNAP. 
Well,  nobody  would  take  you  for 


SIR  J. 
Go  on,  Knapman!     Go  on! 


1  Sir  Joseph  puts 
on  arc  innocent 
babyish  ex- 
pression and 
looks  at  Knap- 
man. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


SC.  I 


KNAP. 

Well,  if  you'll  pardon  my  saying  so,  for  the  tre- 
mendous lady-killer  we  all  know  you  are.  You  do 
look  so  remarkably  innocent. 

SIR  J. 

I  do,  eh?  Upon  my  word,  Knapman,  I  begin  to 
feel  remarkably  innocent.  Heigho!  Heigho! 
[Drinks  np  his  whiskey,  rises  and  yawns.]  Now, 
Knapman,  I'm  ready  for  bed.1 

KNAP. 
Very  well,  sir.2     What  time  shall  I  call  you,  sir? 

SIR  J. 

Oh,  say  half-past  eight.  [Yawns.]  I  think  I  can 
put  in  a  good  nine  hours  of  it  to-night. 

[SiR    JOSEPH    yawns,    and    exit    at    back. 

KNAPMAN  turns  out  light  and  follows 

him.3 

CURTAIN. 

Curtain  remains  down  for  half  a  minute  to  signify 
the  passing  of  the  night. 

SCENE  2.4  The  same  room  the  next  morning.  It 
is  now  very  tidy;  the  furniture  is  all  in  its  right 
place,  and  all  traces  of  the  KNAPMANS'  occupa- 
tion are  removed.  The  table  right  is  laid  for 
breakfast  for  one  person,  with  a  spotless  table- 
cover.  Discover  MRS.  KNAPMAN  at  the  table; 
she  is  laying  the  breakfast. 

Enter  KNAPMAN  at  back,  leaving  door  open. 

KNAP.     [Cordially.] 

Good  morning,  Eliza.5 
20 


>  .tfovet  table  L. 
C  Knapman 
movet  to  win- 
dow. Sir  J. 
takes  »/  kit 
hat,  fnlt  it  on, 
t/ttii  hit  (oat 
a  nit  stifk  and 
moves  already 
up  to  door  C. 

1  Shuli  do  w  n 
ami  bait t  win- 
dow. 


AH  lights  go  as 
before.  Alt 
It  met  white. 
Flottt  and 
lengths  full  up 
everywhere 
Electric  tcon- 
cttout. 


«  Tht  table  l_  C 
it  moved  up 
ttafe  a  little, 
the  chair  that 
Knapman  sat 
in  it  moved  to 
tidt  of  too// 
abovt  window. 
Tht  armchair 
it  brought 
down  L.  C.  a 
little,  the  chair 
R.  of  table  R. 
it  moved  uf 
ttafe  to  R.  tide 
of  china  cabi- 
*et.  The  cov- 
ert are  fulled 
off  the  cur- 
taint  ;  the 
Paper  taken 
from  off  writ- 
ing table  ',  fa- 
fer  takenfrom 
Jire-flace  and 
the  hat  box 
taken  off  top  of 
china  cabinet. 
Intht  place  of 
the  Knapntani 
table-cloth  on 
table  L.  c.  u  <s 
bowl  of 


•  Comes  to  table 
\-tfhtr. 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


:  Comes  down  c. 


MRS.  K. 

That  means  you  weren't  in  a  proper  condition  to 
say  "  Good  night." 

KNAP. 

There's  no  pleasing  you,  Eliza.  You  told  me  to 
sleep  up  in  the  attic  so  as  not  to  rob  you  of  your 
beauty-sleep.  Well,  so  I  did. 

MRS.  K. 

Yes,  and  the  moment  you'd  took  yourself  off  her 
ladyship  turned  up. 

KNAP. 
Her  ladyship! 

Enter  LADY  VERONA  at  back,  carrying  her  hat,  etc. 

LADY  V. 
Good  morning,  Knapman.1 

KNAP. 
Good  morning,  your  ladyship. 

LADY  V.     {Taking  out  her  watch.] 
My  watch  has  stopped.    What's  the  right  time? 

MRS.  K.2 
That  clock  is  quite  right,  my  lady. 

LADY  V.3 

Then  I've  plenty  of  time  to  catch  the  ten-thirty. 
You  can  bring  up  the  breakfast.4 

MRS.  K. 
Yes,  my  lady. 

[Exit  MRS.  KNAPMAN  at  back,  closing  door, 

KNAP.     [Embarrassed.'} 
I  beg  pardon,  my  lady — 


1  Pointing       to 

Clock  R. 


*  Crosses  to  fire 
R.,  places    her 
hat    down    on 
chair  down  R. 
Knapman 
drops  down  to 
U  c. 

*  Goes  to  desk  L. 


21 


ACT   I 


JOSER1I   ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


LADY  V. 
What  is  it?1 

KNAP. 

I  happened  to  be  out  last  evening  when  your  lady- 
ship arrived 

LADY  V. 
Yes.     How's  your  mother? 

KNAP.     [Pusslcd.] 
My  mother?  She's  about  as  usual,  my  lady. 

LADY  V. 

I'm    going    to    send    her    another    parcel    of    old 

linen 

KNAP. 

Thank  you,  my  lady. 

LADY  V. 

Tell  her  to  let  me  know  if  there  is  anything  else 
she  wants. 

KNAP. 
Thank  you,  my  lady.    I  was  about  to  say 

LADY  V. 
Well? 

KNAP. 

Just  as  I  was  shutting  up  last  night,  Sir  Joseph 
Lacy  happened  to  be  passing 


Indeed ! 


LADY  V. 


KNAP. 


He'd  lost  all  his  luggage,  and  his  club  was  closed 
for  cleaning-up 


LADY  V. 


Well? 


22 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


1  When  Sir  J. 
comes  down 
K  n  ap  in  a  n 
goes  to  table  R. 

'  A  t  back,  leaves 
door  open. 


KNAP. 

So  being  a  friend  of  Mr.  Mayne's  and  yours  I  took 
the  liberty  of  putting  him  up  for  the  night. 

LADY  V. 
Here? 

KNAP. 

Yes,  my  lady,  in  Mr.  Mayne's  room.  [LADY  V. 
Smiles.] 

LADY  V. 
Where  is  he  now? 

KNAP. 

He's  just  coming  down.  I've  been  valeting  him 
and  lending  him  some  of  Mr.  Mayne's  things. 
Here  he  is * 

Enter  SIR  JOSEPH. 2 
SIR  J.     [Surprised.] 

What!     Lady  Vee?     How  d'ye  do?     This  is  a 
surprise !    Just  come  up  to  town  ? 
[Shaking  hands  cordially.] 

LADY  V.3 
No,  I  spent  the  night  here. 

SIR  J. 

Here?  [To  KNAPMAN.]  Why  didn't  you  tell  me 
her  ladyship  was  in  town? 

KNAP.4 

I  hadn't  the  least  idea  of  it,  Sir  Joseph.  I'd  just 
stepped  out  on  a  little  private  business,  and  her 
ladyship  arrived  during  my  absence. 

LADY  V. 

Well,  it's  very  absurd.     Now  you  are  here,  you'd 

better  stay  and  have  breakfast  with  me 

23 


'  Rises. 


*  Busying    him- 
self with 
breakfast 
things. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  II 


Re-enter  MRS.  KNAPMAN  at  back  with  a  tray  con- 
taining plates,  dishes,  etc.  MRS.  KNAPMAN 
shows  some  astonishment  at  seeing  SIR  JOSEPH. 


*  Looks  at  Knap, 
man  inyutr- 
imffy. 


1  Gott  off  right 
andrettirni. 


1  Sitt  dawn  L.  c. 


Thanks  very 
man. 


SIR  J. 
much.     Good  morning,  Mrs.  Knap- 


MRS.  K. 

Good  morning,  Sir  Joseph.0 
LADY  V. 

Sir  Joseph  will  take  breakfast  with  me.     What 
have  you  got? 

MRS.  K. 

There's  only  a  fried  sole,  my  lady.  Shall  I  get  some 
bacon  and  eggs? 

[LADY  VERONA  looks  inquiringly  at  SIR 
JOSEPH. 

SIR  J. 

Not  for  me.     A  mere  fraction  of  that  sole,  and 
your  company  will  be  a  perfect  breakfast  for  me. 

LADY  V. 
Lay  a  knife  and  fork  for  Sir  Joseph. 

[KNAPMAN  *  brings  back  knife  and  fork, 
plate,  etc.,  for  SIR  JOSEPH,  helps  MRS. 
KNAPMAN  to  lay  the  table.  LADY 
VERONA2  regards  SIR  JOSEPH  comic- 
ally, and  has  a  little  fit  of  laughter. 

SIR  J. 
What  are  you  laughing  at? 

LADY  V. 

At    this    extraordinary    adventure.      What    has 
brought  you  to  town  in  August? 
24 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


SIR  J. 

I'm  going  through  to  the  Engadine;  I  leave  Vic- 
toria at  eleven — that  is,  if  my  luggage  turns  up  in 
time.  What  has  brought  you  up  to  town  ? 

LADY  V. 
Me?     Oh — nothing — a  little  shopping. 

MRS.  K. 

The  breakfast  is  ready,  my  lady. 

[LADY  VERONA  l  goes  to  table,  motioning 
SIR.  J.  to  sit  opposite  her,  he  does  so.2 


KNAP.3 

Is  there  anything  else  your  ladyship  requires  ?  4 

LADY  V. 

No,  you  needn't  wait.     [Exit  MRS.  KNAPMAN.]  5 
Oh,  Knapman,  I  shall  want  a  hansom  at  ten. 

KNAP. 

Yes,  your  ladyship.6 

[Exit  KNAPMAN/  LADY  VERONA,  having 
seated  herself?  points  SIR  JOSEPH  to  a 
seat.  He  sits.9 

SIR  J. 
Now !     Sole !    Let  me  give  you  some  sole. 

LADY  V. 
Thank  you.     Coffee? 

SIR  J. 

Thank  you. 

LADY  V. 

How  many  lumps? 

25 


1  Aises. 

1  Sir  J.  goes   af 
table  to  right. 


*  Places  chair  R. 
of  table  for 
SirJ. 


5  At  back. 


*  Removes  cover 
from  sole  and 
places    it    on 
table  K. 

7  At  back. 

•  L.  of  table. 
9  R.  of  table. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


SIR  J. 

Ah!  Oughtn't  you  to  know?  This  isn't  the  first 
time  we  have  breakfasted  together. 

LADY  V. 

It's  the  first  time  we  breakfasted  alone;  mamma 
was  always  at  the  head  of  the  table  in  those  days. 

SIR  J.     [Sighing.] 
Ah!    Ah!    In  those  days! 

LADY  V. 
I'll  risk  two  lumps. 

SIR  J. 

And  I  will  take  whatever  you  consider  good  for 
me.1 

LADY  V. 
Shall  you  be  away  long? 

SIR  J. 

Can't  say.  I  may  go  on  to  Italy — in  that  case  I 
sha'n't  be  back  till  the  end  of  October.  What  are 
your  plans? 

LADY  V. 

I'm  staying  in  Oxfordshire  for  another  week. 
Then  I  join  Hardolph  in  Scotland. 

SIR  J. 

Dear  old  Hardolph,  I'm  very  fond  of  Hardolph. 
I've  only  one  grudge  against  him 

LADY  V. 
What's  that? 

SIR  J. 

Well,  when  a  man  robs  you  of  the  one  thing  that 
would  have  transformed  this  world  from  a  waste, 
26 


1  Butinet  t  ef 
banding  tack 
etktr  fJatei 
and  cuts,  and 
of  helping 

Anumvs. 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


howling  wilderness  into  a — .  Now,  candidly,  Vee, 
you  wouldn't  like  me  to  forgive  Hardolph,  would 
you? 

LADY  V. 
Jo,  you  are  incorrigible. 

SIR  J. 

No,  I'm  not;  I'm  the  sweetest,  gentlest  creature. 
A  child  can  guide  me.  Tell  me  to  forgive  Hardolph 
for  having  stolen  you  from  me,  and  I'll  try  to  love 
him  like  a  brother.  Tell  me  not  to  cherish  a  hope- 
less, incurable  passion  for  you,  and  I'll  make  frantic 
efforts  to  crush  it.1 


1  Goes  on  eating* 


LADY  V. 
My  dear  Jo,  it's  useless  to  try  this  tone  upon  me. 

SIR  J. 


What  tone  ? 2 


2  Takes  his  cup- 


LADY  V. 


This  tone  of  silly,  sentimental  badinage,  which 
doesn't  allow  the  woman  the  poor  gratification  of 
feeling  that  she  is  being  made  love  to  in  earnest. . 

SIR  J. 

Oh,3  if  you  wish  for  that  kind  of  gratification 

(  approaching  her ) . 

LADY  V. 

I  don't.4  What  have  you  been  doing  in  Devon- 
shire ? 

SIR  J. 

I've  had  an  awful  fortnight  with  my  uncle,  Pro- 
fessor Tofield. 

LADY  V. 

The  professor  is  a  terror,  isn't  he? 

27 


*  Rises     quickly 
and     goes 
round  back  of 
table  to  her. 


*  Sir  J.  laughs 
and  sits  down 
again.  Lady 
V,  laughs. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  II 


SIR  J. 

Awful.  However,  his  third  wife  left  the  old  chap 
a  heap  of  money,  and  as  I'm  his  nearest  relation 
I  keep  in  with  him.  How  are  all  your  folks  ?  Lady 
Joyce  and  Fanny? 

LADY  V. 

Very  well  indeed.  Fanny  came  up  from  his  yacht 
last  night,  and  Joyce  joined  him. 

SIR  J. 
I'm  glad  that  match  has  turned  out  so  well. 

LADY  V. 
Excellently.    Help  yourself  to  a  little  more  sole. 

SIR  J. 
Let  me  give  you  some 

LADY  V. 
No  thank  you.     A  little  marmalade? 

SIR  J. 
Let  me  give  you  some  first. 

LADY  V. 
Thank  you. 

[Helps  her,  and  he  helps  himself,  looking  at 
her  with  great  admiration.     Pause.} 

SIR  J. 

How  strange  that  we  should  be  seated  here  at 
breakfast — together — alone.  I've  often  wondered 

LADY  V. 
What? 

SIR  J. 

Why  did  you  chuck  me  as  you  did  ? 
28 


SC.  II 


ACT   I 


LADY  V. 

Ah !  Why  did  I  ?  Because  I  felt  sure  that  if  I  did 
marry  you  I  should  repent.  But  then  I  felt  equally 
sure  that  if  I  didn't  marry  you  I  should  repent. 
You  know  marriage  is  really  nothing  but  a  trap  of 
that  kind  for  all  of  us  poor  women.  Well  between 
wondering  how  unhappy  I  should  be  without  you, 
and  how  very  much  more  unhappy  I  should  be  with 
you,  I  found  I  couldn't  catch  the  train,  and  next 
morning  poor  dear  mamma  found  out  all  about  it, 
and  squashed  it  altogether.  I  was  simply  heart- 
broken. 

SIR  J. 
Ah! 

LADY  V. 
For  some  days — if  not  weeks. 

SIR  J. 
And  then  you  married  Hardolph. 

LADY  V. 
And  then  I  married  Hardolph. 

SIR  J. 
And  my  life  was  ruined. 

LADY  V. 

Oh  no,  my  dear  Jo,  I'm  not  going  to  be  saddled 
with  your  ruin.  If  you  remember  your  life  was 
ruined  several  times  before  you  met  me.  And  how 
many  times  has  it  been  ruined  since?  eh? 

SIR  J. 

Ah !  That's  the  result  of  giving  a  boy  the  name  of 
Joseph ! 

LADY  V. 
What  is? 

29 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


SIR  J. 

When  I  woke  up  to  the  responsibilities  of  my  name, 
I  did  my  best  to  live  up  to  them.  But  when  I  found 
what  my  godfathers  and  godmother  had  let  me  in 
for,  I  instinctively  rebelled.  Human  nature  refuses 
to  be  driven  into  a  groove.  My  nature  refused  to 
be  driven  into  the  groove  of  Joseph — and  here  I 
am,  a  waif  and  stray,  an  orphan  of  forty,  a  mere 
bit  of  masculine  wreckage,  floating  on  any  tide, 
without  any  rudder,  to  any  unknown  shore.1 


1  Takes   «/  c 
and  drinks. 


1  SirJ.  rifts  and 
goes  round 
back  of  table 
with  his  CH(> 
and  sauter. 
Lady  V.  helps 
kim  to  coffte. 


*  Offering  to 
takt  cross  off 
the  chain  she 
nrtars  round 
her  neck. 


LADY  V. 

Poor  orphan  of  forty!  Let  me  give  you  a  little 
more  coffee ! 2 

SIR  J. 

You  were  attached  to  me,  Vee.  You're  wearing 
the  cross  I  gave  you  on  our  journey  back  from 
Scotland. 

LADY  V. 

I've  never  troubled  to  take  it  off  the  chain.  But 
you  can  have  it  back  if  you  like.  Will  you  ?  3 

SIR  J. 

No.  I've  got  the  little  heart  you  gave  me.  [Show- 
ing it  on  Jiis  watch  chain.]  Confess,  Vee.  you  felt 
it  very  deeply  when  our  engagement  was  broken 
off? 

LADY  V. 

You  want  to  know  the  truth?  I  felt  it  terribly; 
more  than  I  like  to  remember. 


Ah! 


Now. 


SIR  J. 

[Approaching  very  tenderly. 

LADY  V. 

Please  don't  get  sentimental. 
30 


It  was  the 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  I 


very  best  thing  that  could  have  happened  for  me. 
I'm  very  glad  mamma  was  so  firm  and  parted  us. 
Now  are  you  satisfied? 
[Smiling  at  him.1 


SIR  J. 
If  you  are  happy — yes.2 

LADY  V. 
I  am  happy.    Hardolph  is  the  best  of  husbands. 

SIR  J. 

I'm  sure  he  is.  I'm  sure  he  is!  A  little  difficult 
at  times,  our  dear  Hardolph,  eh?  hum?  hum? 

LADY  V. 

Perhaps;  but  I  keep  a  little  birch  rod  for  him  on 
such  occasions. 

SIR  J. 
A  little  birch  rod?    Of  what  nature? 

LADY  V. 

That's  my  secret.  Every  wise  woman  keeps  a  birch 
rod  for  her  husband  when  he's  difficult.  Now  tell 
me  about  yourself.  Why  don't  you  find  some  nice 
girl  and  settle  down? 

[He  shakes  his  head. 

SIR  J. 
I  shall  never  marry. 

[Looking  at  her. 

LADY  V. 

Your  hopeless  passion  for  me?  [He  nods.]  You 
know,  Jo,  I  don't  in  the  least  mind  your  having  a 
hopeless  passion  for  me.  I  think  it's  rather  nice  of 
you — only  you  will  please  to  recognize  that  it  is 
hopeless. 

[Sighs. 


1  Sfr  J.  movei 
round  to  it.,  of 
table. 


1  Sits  again. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  II 


>  Ltmiu  back. 


SIR  J. 

I  know  that.1 

LADY  V. 

Verv  well,  then — we  can  be  on  the  best  terms.  You 
shall  indulge  your  hopeless  passion  for  me,  and  I'll 
be  a  sister  to  you,  shall  I  ? 


•  Sir  J.    mivet 
hit  (hair 

round  thtt>ack 
e/taUf  till  he 
it  auit*  (lost  to 
Ladj  V.  he 
tkt*  sift. 


SIR  J. 
I  thought  you  didn't  like  silly  badinage? 

LADY  V. 

Oh,  yes,  in  a  woman — it's  often  her  best  protection. 
What  makes  you  look  so  serious? 

SIR  J. 
Perhaps  I  oughtn't  to  tell  you. 

LADY  V. 
Oh  do — if  it's  about  your  hopeless  passion. 

SIR.  J.2     [With  great  seriousness.] 

I  don't  defend  my  life,  Vee.  I  know  I've  wasted 
it  in  all  kinds  of  folly  and — worse.  And  now  I 
only  live  in  the  moment,  and  for  the  moment.  I 
simply  daren't  look  backward  or  forward.  And 
so  I  chaff  myself  and  everything  and  everybody, 
as  I've  been  doing  this  morning.  That's  because 
I've  lost  the  power  of  feeling  or  caring  very  deeply 
about  anything 

LADY  V. 
Are  you  sure  of  that  ? 

SIR  J. 

Yes!  yes.  There's  nothing  left  in  the  world  that 
isn't  fit  to  be  chaffed — except  you,  Vee;  and  upon 
my  soul  at  times  I'm  ready  to  chaff  my  love  for 
you — though  God  knows  it's  the  one  thing  that  is 
32 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  I 


sacred  to  me — it's  the  one  thing  in  my  life  that  I 
don't  regret,  and  that  I  should  like  to  be  thinking 
of  when  I  die — the  love  I  had  for  you,  the  love 
I  have  for  you,1  Vee. 


LADY  V. 

Jo !  you  mustn't  speak  like  this.2     If  you  do  I  must 
ask  you  never  to  see  me  again. 

SIR  J. 

You  needn't  be  afraid,  I  love  you  too  much  to  bring 
you  into  my  life.     But  I  mean  every  word  of  what  | 
I  said.     There !  you've  heard  it,  and  you  know  that , 
I  shall  always  love  you.    Now  that's  all  over.    May 
I  have  some  more  coffee  ?    What  were  we  talking 
about.     Oh,  you  were  going  to  be  my  sister. 

LADY  V.3 

I  don't  think  I  can  be  your  sister  now.     It's  too 
dangerous.     [Looks  at  him.]    No! 

I 

SIR  J. 

Well,  be  my  something !     Don'-t  leave  me  out  in 
the  cold.4 

LADY  V. 

Poor  orphan   of   forty!      [Suddenly.]      I'll   adopt 
you!     I'll  be  your  mother. 

SIR  J. 
No,  don't  be  my  mother. 


LADY  V. 


Yes,  I  will. 


SIR  J. 

Oh,  very  well.     What  are  you  going  to  do  with  me  ? 

33 


1  Takes     her 
hand. 


Sir  J,  releases 
Iter  hand  and 
sits  back  in  his 
chair. 


*  Lady  V.  fourt 
out  coffee. 


*  Both  laugh. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


LADY  V. 

When  we  all  come  back  to  town  I  shall  take  you 
in  hand  and  marry  you  to  that  very  nice  girl. 


1  Dr  inJtt    his 
coffee. 


*  Putt  cuj  down 
suddenly. 

*  Moves  closer  to 

her  and  sf  eiks 
very  s  oft  Ij 
and  viinning- 


*  At  back.  Mrs. 
K  .  must  enter 
very  quickly 
on  her  cue,  as 
the  door  is 
opened  Mrs. 
Tavender  is 
seen  in  the  fas- 
safe  outside 
the  door.  Mrs. 
Knapman  see- 
ing the  em- 
barrass me  nt 
of  Sir  J.  and 
Lady  V.  fives 
a  half  glance 
behind  her 
back  to  Mrs. 
Tavender  and 
then  shuts  the 
door  on  her. 


SIR  J. 
LADY  V. 


No,  don't. 

Yes,  I  will. 

SIR  J. 

Oh,  very  well.     Only  do  take  a  little  care  whom 
you  marry  me  to. 

LADY  V. 
I  will.     She  shall  be  very  nice. 

SIR  J. 
I  wonder  if  she'll  have  me?  * 

LADY  V. 
I'm  sure  she  will,  if  you 

SIR  J. 
If  I  what?2 

LADY  V. 
Surely  you  know  the  way  to  win  a  woman's  heart  ? 

SIR  J.3 

Do  I?  Do  I?     I've  forgotten.     Do  tell  me  howl 
Come  now,  give  me  a  lesson. 

[Taking  her  hand  and  kissing  it. 

LADY  V. 
Jo!  Jo! 

[They  are  in  a  somewhat  embarrassed  posi- 
tion when  MRS.  KNAPMAN  enters* 

MRS.  K. 

I  beg  pardon,  my  lady. 
34 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


LADY  V. 
What  is  it  ? 

MRS.  K. 
Mr.  and  Mrs  Tavender  are  in  the  hall. 

LADY  V. 

Oh — show  them  in.1  [Exit  MRS.  KNAPMAN.] 
What  can  have  brought  them  here  at  this  time  in 
the  morning?2 

Enter 3  MR.  and  MRS.  TAVENDER,  shown  in 
by  MRS.  KNAPMAN.  TAVENDER  is  a  short, 
stout,  sandy,  florid,  good-natured  man  of 
thirty-five.  MRS.  TAVENDER  is  a  frivolous,  ir- 
responsible, empty-headed,  chattering  little 
creature  of  twenty-five.  They  both  show  evi- 
dent surprise  at  seeing  SIR  JOSEPH,  and  stand 
at  the  doorway  in  an  embarrassed  way.4 

LADY  V.     [Going  up  to  her.] 

Cissy,  this  is  a  surprise.  [Shaking  hands  with  her.] 
Harry,  how  are  you? 

TAV. 

Thanks;  flourishing. 

[Stands  in  doorway. 

LADY  V. 

Come  in — what's  the  matter?5 


1  Mrs.  K.  opens 
door  showing 
Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Tavender 
standing  gut- 
side. 

.  *  Lady  V.  rises 
and  goes  down 
L.  Sir  J.  rises 
and  goes  down 
R.  to  fireplace 
leaving  the 
two  chairs 
close  togetJter 
by  breakfast 
table. 

3  At  back. 


4  Mrs.     K.   gets 
near  door  R. 


MRS.  T. 

Nothing,  dear;  if  you're  engaged 

[Embarrassed. 

LADY  V. 

Not  at  all.  [To  MRS.  KNAPMAN.]  Why  didn't 
you  announce  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Tavender  in  the  or- 
dinary way,  and  show  them  in? 

35 


1  Mrs.  T.  gives 
an  embarrass- 
ed laugh. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


»  Kif/tt. 


*  Sir  J.  gott  up 
K.C. 


MRS.  K. 

I  beg  pardon,  my  lady.  I  understood  you  to  say 
last  night  you  didn't  wish  it  to  be  known  you  are 
in  town. 

[Looks  exchanged  between  TAVENDER  and 
MRS.  TAVENDER.  Exit  MRS.  KNAP- 
MAN.  l  There  is  an  air  of  restraint 
and  embarrassment  all  through  the  fol- 
lowing scene.  Long  pause? 

SIR  J. 

How  d'ye  do,  Mrs.  Tavender? 
[Shaking  hands. 

MRS.  T. 
How  are  you,  Sir  Joseph? 

SIR  J.    [To  TAVENDER.] 

How  are  you,  Tavender? 
[Shaking  hands. 

TAV. 
Thanks,  flourishing.     And  you? 

SIR  J. 
Splendid.  [A  little  pause  of  embarrassment." 

LADY  V. 

Sit  down,  Cissy.  Harry !  4  Have  you  had  break- 
fast? 


*  Sir  J.  returns 
tan. 

4  .1/r*.  T.  fames 
down  R.  c.  Mr. 
T.  follows  on 
her  R.  they 
both  give  a  sus- 
picious glance 
at  the  table 
laid  for  break- 
fast and  the 
two  chairs 
close  together 
Lady  I',  iff- 
ing  them  look 
says  very 
quickly"  Have 
you  had  break- 
fast .' "  when 
she  says  this 
they  both  start 
and  speak  to- 
gtther. 


Oh  yes ! 


Oh  yes,  dear.     J 


TAV. 

MRS.  T. 


[Together.     SligJit  pause. 
36 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  I 


LADY  V. 

Then  sit  down.1     What  has  brought  you  up  at'  this 
hour  ? 

[TAVENDER  and  MRS.  TAVENDER  sit  down 
in  an  embarrassed  way. 


TAV. 
You  haven't  heard  from  Hardolph? 

LADY  V. 
No.    Nothing  has  happened  ? 

TAV. 


MRS.  T. 


Oh  no !    Oh  no ! 

Oh  no,  at  least 

[Together.     Slight  pause. 

LADY  V. 
My  dear  Cissy,  is  anything  the  matter? 

TAV. 


No. 
No. 


MRS.  T. 


TAV. 


You  know  that   Hardolph  is  coming  from  Scot- 
land  


No.    When? 


LADY  V. 


TAV. 


This  morning.     He  reaches  Saint  Pancras  at  ten. 

LADY  V. 

Oh !    I  hadn't  the  least  idea.    What's  bringing  him 
to  town? 

37 


1  The  Tavenders 
exchange  -un- 
comfortable 
glances  and 
very  slowly  sit 
down.  Mr  s. 
Tavender  in 
the  arm  chair 
L.  and  C.  and 
Tavender  on 
the  extreme 
edge  of  Lady 
y.s  chair  at 
breakfast  table 
Lady  V.  sits 
on  chair  by 
desk  L. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  II 


*  Half  riling, 
mifk      afptal- 
i it f  glance t  If 
.Mrs.     Tavtn- 
dtr. 

«  Kiting. 

•  T  *  v  t  n  J  e  r 
rut*. 


*  TartneUr  sits 
again. 


TAV. 

The  Chillingham  trustee  business.  We  had  to  meet 
and  sign  a  heap  of  deeds.  Hardolph  wired  me  to 
Weybridge  last  night  to  meet  him  here  a  little  after 
ten  this  morning  and  as  Cissy  had  a  few  things  to 
do  in  town l 

MRS.  T.2 

I  think  we'd  better  be  going,3  or  I  shan't  get 
through  before  lunch. 

LADY  V. 

Oh,  don't  hurry  away.4  Why  didn't  Hardolph  let 
me  know  he  was  coming  up? 

TAV. 

I  don't  suppose  he  knew  himself  till  yesterday  after- 
noon. To-day  was  the  only  day  the  judge  could 
give  us,  and  as  it  was  August  nobody  was  in  town ; 
so  we've  had  to  telegraph  everywhere  to  get  the 
trustees  and  lawyers  together. 

MRS.  T.5 

Harry,  I  must  be  at  Fifine's  at  ten,  and  you  must 
help  me  to  choose  the  colors 

TAV. 

Of  course,  dear.6  By  Jove  [pulling  out  watch],  I 
shall  only  just  have  time  to  get  back  here  and  meet 
Hardolph.7 

[SiR  JOSEPH  has  been  quietly  watching  the 
scene,  standing  and  leaning  against 
mantelpiece.  He  now  comes  a  little 
forward. 

SIR  J. 

My  clear  Tavender,  it's  very  evident  that  you  and 
Mrs.  Tavender  are  a  little  surprised  to  find  me  here 
breakfasting  with  Lady  Verona. 
38 


1  Kiting  again. 


*  Ta  t'.  r  (set, 
Lady  K.  rites, 
Tav.  goet  •»/ 
C. 

'  Mr*.  T.  gives 
an  tmtarras- 
itd  langk. 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  I 


1  Looking  at 
Tavender. 


TAV. 
Not  at  all,  my  dear  fellow. 

MRS.  T. 

Not  at  all.  At  this  time  of  year,  when  nobody's  in 
town,  it's  quite  nice  for  old  friends  to  run  up 
against  each  other  and — and *  Harry ! 

TAV. 
I  assure  you,  we  think  nothing  of  it. 

MRS.  T. 

Why,  of  course  it's  the  most  natural  thing  in  the 
world.  Now,  Harry !  2 

SIR  J. 

No — just  a  moment,  please.  Now  that  the  matter 
has  been  raised  you'd  better  hear  how  it  happened, 
eh,  Lady  Vee  ? 

LADY  V. 

Oh,  yes — it's  really  inost  ridiculous.  I  came  from 
Oxfordshire  last  evening  quite  unexpectedly.  I 
hadn't  the  least  idea  that  Sir  Joseph  was  in  town 


MRS.  T. 
Of  course  not.     How  should  you? 

TAV. 

I  assure  you  we — a — [stops,  confused,  and  looks  at 
his  wife']  don't  intend  to  take  the  least  notice  of  it. 

MRS.  T. 

It's  just  one  of  those  things  that  are  constantly 
occurring;  and  then  if  by  any  chance  it  leaks  out, 
people  begin  to  gossip  and  put  the  wrong  interpre- 
tation on  it. 

39 


Both    start   to 
goufc. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


sc.  ir 


SIR  J.     [Very  sternly.} 

People  must  not  put  the  wrong  interpretation  on  it 
in  this  instance.  So  I'll  give  you  the  exact  partic- 
ulars  

TAV. 
My  dear  Jo,  you  needn't  trouble 

SIR  J.     [Firmly.} 
Yes,  if  you  please 

TAV. 
Well,  if  you  insist 

MRS.  T. 
But  we  aren't  the  least  curious 


SIR  J. 

I  came  up  to  town  last  night  from  Devonshire,  and 
lost  all  my  luggage.    My  club  was  closed  for  clean- 
ing, and  I   happened  to  be  passing  that  window 
about  a  quarter  to  eleven. 
[Pointing  to  irindow. 

MRS.  T. 
That  window,  there? 

SIR  J. 

Yes.  Knapman  was  leaning  out  of  it.  Knapman 
is  a  very  old  servant  of  my  father's. 

MRS.  T. 

How  very  natural  he  should  be  leaning  out  of  the 
window ! 

SIR  J. 

Yes.  Well,  I  was  dead  tired,  and  when  Knapman 
offered  to  put  me  up  for  the  night,  I  simply  jumped 
at  the  idea ! 

40 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


1  Both  go  up  to- 
door  c. 


TAV. 

I  should  have  jumped  at  it  myself.     Ta-ta. 
[Offering  to  go. 

LADY  V. 

Of  course  when  Knapman  offered  to  put  Sir  Joseph 
up  for  the  night,  he  hadn't  the  least  idea  I  was  in 
town. 

MRS.  T. 

Of  course  not.  It's  exactly  similar  to  another  case 
we  know  of — isn't  it,  Harry? 

TAV. 

Yes — yes,1  I'll  just  run  round  with  you  to  Fifine's 
and  be  back  here  to  meet  Hardolph.  [Signifi- 
cantly.] He'll  be  here  about  a  quarter  past  ten. 

MRS.  T. 

Good-bye,  Sir  Joseph ;  Good-bye,  Vee. 
TAV. 

Bye,  bye,  Jo;  ta-ta,  Vee. 

[Hurries  off.2  SIR  JOSEPH  and  LADY  VER- 
ONA left  alone,  look  at  each  other  and 
then  laugh  at  each  other. 

SIR  J. 

They  evidently  believe  that  you  and  I  met  here  by 
appointment. 

LADY  V. 

Evidently.  And  she's  such  a  silly  gossiping  crea- 
ture.3 

SIR  J. 

Shall  I  wait  and  see  Hardolph  ? 
LADY  V. 

No.  Hardolph  is  awfully  difficult  at  times — and 
with  you 


*  At   back   •with 
Mrs.  T. 


3  Crones  to  R. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


fuit    her    hat 


*  Goet  tif  c.  and 
stands  L.  <J/" 
door. 


*  Lady    K. 
w>  C.  /*  </< 


«  Back  from  u. 
3  Comet  down  to 


Why  with  me? 


SIR.  J.1 
LADY  V. 


Well,  you  aren't  exactly  the  man  a  husband  would 
choose  to  find  breakfasting  with  his  wife. 

SIR  J. 

No,  I  suppose  not.  [Suddenly  takes  out  watch.} 
Quarter  to  ten !  I've  got  it !  You  must  take  a  cab 
and  meet  Hardolph  at  Saint  Pancras  before  he  sees 
the  Tavenders;  tell  him  exactly  how  it  happened 
and  come  on  here  with  him. 

LADY  V. 
Shall  I  have  time  ?  2 

SIR  J. 

Yes,  if  you  make  haste.  The  train's  sure  to  be  a 
few  minutes  late.  I'll  put  you  in  a  cab.3 

LADY  V. 
And  you? 

SIR  J. 

I'm  going  on  to  the  club  to  see  if  my  luggage  has 
turned  up;  I'll  come  back  here  and  meet  you  and 
Hardolph.  I'm  sure  that's  the  best !  make  haste !  4 

[Exeunt  SIR  JOSEPH  and  LADY  VERONA.** 
A  pause. 

MRS.  KNAPMAN  cautiously  peeps  out  of  door,  right, 
sees  that  no  one  is  in  the  room,  enters,  goes  to 
window,  opens  the  sash;  looks  out.  KNAPMAN 
enters.9 

KNAP. 

They've  gone  off  together 7 

MRS.  K. 
He's  put  her  into  a  cab  and  she's  drove  off 


No. 

alone. 


[Again  looks  out  of  window. 
42 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


KNAP. 

What's  he  doing? 

MRS.  K. 

He's  walking  off  in  his  usual  careless  manner. 
He's  turned  into  Piccadilly. 

[Withdraws  from  window. 

KNAP.1 

Didn't  you  say  Mr.  Tavender  told  you  the  master 
is  coming  up  from  Scotland  this  morning? 

MRS.  K.2 

Yes,  I  was  standing  at  the  front  door  when  Mr.  and 
Mrs.  Tavender  came  up.  "  Good-morning,  Mrs. 
Knapman,"  he  says ;  "  I've  come  up  to  see  Mr. 
Mayne;"  "He's  in  Scotland,"  I  says.  "No,"  he 
says,  "  he'll  be  here  a  little  after  ten,  so  I'll  just  step 
inside  and  wait  for  him."  Well,  I  didn't  know 
what  to  do,  because  last  night  her  ladyship  says, 
"  Don't  mention  anything  about  Lady  Joyce  and 
me  being  up  in  town,"  she  says.  So  I  says  to  Mr. 
Tavender,  "  I  beg  pardon,  but  her  ladyship  is  now 
at  breakfast  in  the  morning-room.  I'll  inquire 
whether  it's  convenient  for  her  to  see  you."  3 


KNAP.4 


Looks  very  peculiar !  5 


MRS.  K. 


What's  the  matter? 


KNAP. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Tavender  have  come  back  again.6 
[A  knock  at  outer  door.  Exit  KNAPMAN]  7 
MRS.  KNAPMAN  stands  in  a  listening 
attitude  for  a  second,  she  goes  off  very 
gently?  on  tiptoe,  closing  the  door  after 
her  softly. 

43 


*  Goes  to-R.c. 


*  Going  to  win- 
dow. 

5  Puts  fit's  head 
out  of  the  win- 
dow and  sud- 
denly with- 
draws it,  snap- 
ping his  fin- 
gers at  Mrs. 
K.  as  a  cau- 
tion to  her  to 
get  out  of  the 
way. 

8  Motions  Jlfr  s. 
A',  to  go  off  R. 

7  At  back. 


1  Right. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  II 


«  I-  C. 


Enter1    MR.   and   MRS.   TAVENDER,  followed   by 

KNAPMAN. 
» ctuttt  *.  TAV.Z 

Lady  Verona  has  driven  off,  you  say? 

KNAP.3 

Yes,  sir,  in  an  hansom. 

MRS.  T.4 
And  Sir  Joseph? 

KNAP. 

Sir  Joseph  put  her  ladyship  into  the  cab,  and  then 
walked  off  by  himself. 

[TAVENDER  and  MRS.  TAVENDER  exchange 
glances. 

TAV. 
Oh,  very  well.     We'll  wait  here  for  Mr.  Mayne. 

KNAP. 
Yes,  sir. 

[Exit   KNAPMAXV'     Left  alone,  the  TAV- 
ENDERS  look  at  each  other. 

MRS.  T. 
Well !  who  could  have  thought  it  ?  c 

TAV.     [Grinning  and  chuckling.] 
I  can't  believe  it !    I  can't  believe  it ! 
MRS.  T. 

They've  always  been  very  much  attached  to  each 
other,  and  Sir  Joseph  is  horribly  fascinating. 

TAV. 

Oh,  I  wouldn't  trust  Jo  Lacy  with  my  grandmother. 
[Grins,  chuckles,  and  then  bursts  into  a  fit  of  laugh- 
44 


*  Sitt    in     arm 
chair  L.  C 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


ter.]  1  But  Vee — !  I  couldn't  have  imagined  that 
Vee  would — well !  well !  well ! 

MRS.  T. 

One  never  knows.  What  convinced  me  was  the 
stupid  way  they  would  keep  on  trying  to  excuse 
themselves. 

TAV. 

Oh  that  was  d — ee — d  silly  of  Jo.  An  old  hand 
like  him  ought  to  know  how  to  hold  his  tongue. 
And  such  an  absurd  story,  too !  Lost  his  luggage ! 
Leaning  out  of  that  window ! 

MRS.  T. 

Oh,  it  was  too  ridiculous. 
[Laughs. 

TAV. 
But  she  played  her  part  very  well. 

MRS.  T. 

My  dear  Harry!  Anyone  could  see  through  her  in 
a  moment.  Now,  Sir  Joseph  passed  it  off  very  well 
indeed.  From  his  manner  you  might  almost  have 
thought  he  was  telling  the  truth. 

TAV. 
Oh,  no!    Jo  wasn't  at  all  up  to  his  usual  form. 

MRS.  T. 

Well,  I'm  glad  we  gave  them  the  chance  of  slipping 
away. 

TAV. 

Yes!  you  see  they  cleared  out  the  moment  we'd 
gone. 

MRS.  T. 

I  never  felt  so  awkward  in  my  life,  not  even  when 

45 


1  Goes  to  mirror 
which  is  hang- 
ing on  -wall's.., 
looks  at  him- 
self in  it, 
smooths  fit's 
hair,gr  ins 
and  then  comes 
to  L.  of  table 
R.  and  sits. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


I  found  your  cousin  Jack  kissing  Lady  Henry  in 
the  harness  room. 

TAV.1 

Yes,  that  harness  room  row  reminds  me — [Very 
solemnly.]  Now,  Cissy,  you'll  hold  your  tongue 
about  this? 


1  I>rmfskisckair 
nearer  la  Mrs. 
T. 


*  Kites  Juts  kit 
chair  back  to 
table  and  cros- 
ses to  desk 

down  L. 


'  At  writing- 
tittle  telow 
window. 


Of  course  I  shall. 


MRS.  T. 


TAV. 


Not  a  word  to  Hardolph  about  Vee  being  up  in 
town. 

MRS.  T. 

Of  course  not.     But  if  Hardolph  should  find  out 
that  we  knew — he  is  your  cousin 

TAV. 

I  can't  help  that.    I've  got  too  many  cousins  to  look 
after  all  their  wives.     Perhaps  you'd  better  send  a 

line  to  Vee 2 

[Rising  and  going  down  to  desk. 


What  about? 


MRS.  T. 


TAV. 


Hardolph  will  be  here  in  a  moment.  Make  haste 
and  get  it  written  before  he  comes.  [He  places 
chair  for  her  3  she  seats  herself  and  writes.  Dictat- 
ing.] "  My  dear  Vee,  Harry  thinks  I'd  better  send 
you  a  line  to  say  that  neither  he  nor  I  shall  mention 
a  word  about  meeting  you  this  morning  to  any- 
one  " 

MRS.  T.     [Having  written.] 


"  Anyone  " 

Underline  "anyone." 
46 


TAV. 


SC.  II 


ACT    I 


1  Goes  to  c. 


MRS.  T.     [Writing.] 
"  With  love,  Cissy." 

TAV. 

There!  that  gives  her  a  free  hand  to  tell  Hardolph 
or  not  as  she  pleases. 

MRS.  T. 
Where  shall  I  address  it? 

TAV. 
Oh,  Oxfordshire,  I  suppose.1 

MRS.  KNAPMAN  enters,  right. 

MRS.  K. 

I  beg  pardon 

TAV. 

Did  Lady  Verona  leave  word  whether  she  was 
coming  back  this  morning? 

MRS.  K. 
No,  sir.2 

TAV. 

Do  you  know  where  she  has  gone  ? 
MRS.  K. 

Her  ladyship  intended  to  go  to  Oxfordshire  by  the 
half-past  ten  train. 

TAV. 

Then  I  suppose  she  has  gone.3  Now  a  stamp.4 
Will  you  please  see  that  this  letter  is  posted  this 
morning? 

MRS.  K. 
Yes,  sir.5 

TAV.    [He  stamps  letter  and  gives  it  to  MRS. 
KNAPMAN.] 

It's  very  important. 

47 


3  Coming   down 


*  Goes  to  Mrs. 
Tavender  and 
and  gets  letter. 

4  Takes  a  stam^ 
out  oj  his 
purse. 

6  Conies  to  c 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


SC.  II 


"'*f  °ff*' 


MRS.  K. 
Yes,  sir.1     I  beg  pardon,  sir 

TAV. 
Well? 

MRS.  K. 

Last  night  when  her  ladyship  arrived  she  said  she 

didn't  wish  it  to  be  mentioned  she  was  up  in  town. 

[MR.  and  MRS.  TAVENDER  exchange  looks. 

TAV. 
Then  of  course  you  won't  mention  it. 

MRS.  K. 

Of   course    not,    sir — we   know    our    duty,    but — 
[Stands  a  little  embarrassed,  looking  at  letter.]     Of 
course  we  shan't  mention  it— of  course  not ! 
[Exit? 

Enter*  HARDOLPH  MAYNE,  an  ordinary  English 
gentleman  of  thirty-fire  in  travelling  clothes; 
he  is  followed  by  KNAPMAX;  MRS.  KXAPMAX 
puts  letter  in  her  pocket.4 

MAYNE. 

Ah,  my  dear  Harry,  here  you  are !    Cissy,  how  are 
you? 

[Shaking  hands  with  MRS.  TAVEXDER. 

MRS.  T. 
How  are  you,  Hardolph  ? 

MAYNB. 

Whew !     This    heat    is    awful.     How    are    you, 
Harry?6 

TAV. 

Thanks.     Flourishing! 
48 


*  Door,  right. 

*  Af  tack. 

*  Mayttt     conn 

aflTVn  C. 


Shakixf  hands 
with  Tareti- 
der. 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


MAYNE.     [To  KNAP.] 
Has  any  telegram  come  for  me? 


No,  sir. 


KNAP. 
MAYNE. 


[Taking  off  his  summer  overcoat.]  Take  this  and 
give  it  a  brush.  [To  MR.  and  MRS.  TAVENDER.] 
I  rather  thought  Vee  might  come  up. 

[KNAPMAN  shows  surprise  at  MAYNE'S 
remark,  takes  overcoat  and  hat  from 
MAYNE/  listening  to  following  conver- 
sation. 

MRS.  T.2 
Does  she  expect  you  ? 

MAYNE.3 

Well,  when  I  found  I  should  have  to  be  in  town 
to-day  I  wired  her  to  come  up  if  she  could.  She's 
in  Oxfordshire  with  her  people  you  know 


Yes- 
Yes- 


TAV.4 

MRS.  T. 


MAYNE. 

I  haven't  seen  her  for  a  fortnight.  And  as  we 
parted  with  a  little  tiff  I  thought  she  might  be  glad 
of  the  chance  of  making  it  up,  eh  ? 

[With  a  little  laugh. 

TAV. 
Yes. 

MRS.  T.' 
Naturally. 

MAYNE. 

So  I  told  her  to  wire  me  here,  and  I'd  meet  her 

49 


1  And  goes    off 
slowly  at  back. 


•  Exchant 
look  wit  A 
ender. 


'in/? 
Tav- 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


1  Wayne  goet  to 
R.  taking  out 
kit  Docket-took 
anil  glancing 
at  letters,  etc. 

»  Goes  up  *. 


*  Croats  to  c. 


•  Door,     right  ; 
leaving    door 


•otatch  him 


they 
off. 


somewhere   and   give  her  some  lunch, 
hasn't  even  taken  the  trouble  to  reply ! 

TAV.     No? 


And   she 


[Together] 

MRS.  T.     No! 

[Exchanging  looks  with  TAVEXDER. 

MAYNE. 

Ah,  well,  after  eight  years  of  married  life  I  suppose 
we  mustn't  expect  these  delicate  little  attentions 
from  our  wives,  eh,  Harry? 

TAV. 

We  don't  get  them,  do  we?  * 

MAYNE.1 

To  come  seventy  miles  to  take  a  simple  meal  with 
your  husband — rather  a  severe  strain  on  your  wifely 
affection,  eh,  Cissy?  [TAVENDER  glances  at  table. 

MRS.  T.3 

Oh  I  feel  sure  Vee  hasn't  got  your  telegram,  or 
there  has  been  some  mistake. 

MAYNE. 

Well,  she's  coming  down  to  Scotland  next  week. 
And  I've  got  no  time  to  spare.  Confounded  nui- 
sance this  bothering  business!  Haslip  has  got  his 
big  shoot  on  to-morrow,  and  if  I  don't  catch  the 
two  o'clock  from  Euston  I  shall  be  out  of  it.  Now 
if  I  bustle  about  I  shall  just  get  through.  Let  me 
see — these  trustee  papers — where  are  they?  Oh 
yes,  in  my  secretary  in  the  next  room [E.vit* 

MRS.  T. 

You  see !    He  hasn't  the  least  suspicion. 
50 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


TAV. 

No.  Now,  my  dear  Cissy,  you  will  hold  your 
tongue  this  time? 

MRS.  T. 

My  dear  Harry,  take  care  of  your  own  tongue 
when  you  get  in  that  club  smoking-room.  But  I 
really  think  somebody  should  caution  Vee,  don't 
you? 

TAV. 

No !  No !  If  there's  going  to  be  a  scandal  do  let 
us  keep  out  of  it.  Remember  that  awful  harness- 
room  row. — Now,  Cissy,  you  will  take  care. — 
Hush! 

MAYNE  re-enters?  with  a  bundle  of  legal  documents 
in  his  hand.  KNAPMAN  enters?  with  MAYNE'S 
hat  and  overcoat. 

MAYNE. 
Now,  Harry,  are  you  ready  ?  3 

TAV. 
Quite.     Cissy,  we'll  pop  you  into  a  cab 

MRS.  T. 

Very  well.  And  you'll  meet  me  at  Waterloo  at 
four  o'clock? 

TAV. 
Right. 

MAYNE.4 

[To  KNAPMAN.]     No,  I'll  carry  it  on  my  arm. 

[Taking  overcoat. ~\ 
KNAP. 
Shall  you  require  your  room  to  be  prepared,  sir? 

MAYNE. 
No,  I'm  not  coming  back.     Send  on  my  letters  as 


1  Right. 
*  At  back. 


3  Mayne  comes  to 
c.  from  R. 
K nap  man 
hands  him  his 
hat  then  goes 
behind  Mayne 
to  Afayne's  R. 
holding  the 
overcoat  ready 
for  him  to  put 
an. 


*  During  May- 
ne'f  lines  •with 
K  n  a  p  m  a  n 
Mrs.  T.  lias  bu- 
siness with  Ta- 
•vender,  taking 
her  purse  out 
and  ask  ing 
Ta  v.  fo  r 
change,  etc. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


SC.  II 


usual.     Now,  Harry!     I  do  think  Vee  might  have 
come  up. 

MRS.  T. 
Oh,  I  wouldn't  worry  about  it l 


*  Goet*S  to  door 

c. 


»  At  back. 


Right. 


•  Leaves  door 
opt*. 


MAYNE. 
No,  but  still — Not  quite  kind  of  her,  eh? 

TAV. 

Come  along!     We  mustn't  keep  old  Justice  Bonsar 

waiting. 

[Hurrying  MAYNE  off.2  MRS.  TAVENDER 
has  gone  off.  KNAPMAN  has  listened 
to  the  conversation  and  follows  them 
off. 

MRS.  KNAPMAN  enters,3  and  begins  clearing  away 
the  breakfast  things.  Re-enter  KNAPMAN, 
stands  in  the  centre  of  room,  in  a  very  puzzled 
attitude.4 

KNAP. 
I  can't  get  the  hang  of  it. 

MRS.  K. 
The  hang  of  what? 

KNAP. 

When  her  ladyship  arrived  last  night,  what  was  her 
manner? 

MRS.  K. 
Well,  both  she  and  Lady  Joyce  had  a  flurried  look. 

KNAP. 

Innocent  flurried?     Or  fishy  flurried? 

MRS.  K. 

There  was  something  peculiar  about  it. 
52 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


KNAP. 

Eliza,  I'm  afraid  this  is  all  a  put-up  job  of  Sir 
Joseph's. 

MRS.  K. 
Think  so? 

KNAP. 

Her  ladyship's  first  word  to  me  this  morning  was, 
"How's  your  mother?  I'll  send  her  some  old 
linen.  Tell  her  to  let  me  know  if  there's  anything 
she  wants."  That  was  as  much  as  to  bribe  me  for 
holding  my  tongue. 

MRS.  K. 
Master  don't  suspect  anything? 

KNAP. 
Not  a  word.     He's  as  innocent  as  a  baby. 

MRS.  K. 
What  had  we  better  do? 

KNAP. 

Keep  our  mouths  shut.  He's  a  good  master;  and 
apart  from  this  aberration  of  conduct  Lady  Verona 
is  a  good  mistress.  We've  no  right  to  wreck  their 
married  happiness  by  letting  on. 

MRS.  K. 

I  sha'n't  say  a  word,  but  I  wouldn't  answer  for  you 
when  you  get  round  at  the  "  Lord  Palmerston." 

KNAP. 

I  never  betray  the  secrets  of  my  family,  and  don't 
you.  But  I'm  sorry.  Just  Sir  Joseph's  old  games ! 
Lost  his  luggage!  Drops  in  as  if  by  accident! 
And  only  last  night  he  told  me  as  he's  left  off  all  his 
youthful  sprees !  Lost  his  luggage ! 

53 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


»  At  back. 


'  Goit    down     I.. 
«W     /M/X     kit 

hat  luut  ttick 
<m  atsk. 


»  Look*  at  Mrt. 
K. 


*  At  back. 


•  Coming   dovm 
L.C. 


SIR  JOSEPH  enters  hurriedly.1 

SIR  J. 

Oh,  Knapman,  I  found  the  front  door  open  and  I 
came  in.2 

KNAP. 
Yes,  Sir  Joseph. 

SIR  J. 
My  luggage  has  turned  up. 

KNAP.     [Severely.] 
I'm  glad  to  hear  it,  Sir  Joseph.3 

SIR  J. 
Yes,  got  it  all  safe  at  Victoria. 

KNAP.     [Same  severe  tone.] 
That  must  be  a  great  relief,  sir. 

SIR  J. 
Has  her  ladyship  returned  yet? 

KNAP. 
No,  Sir  Joseph.     Here  is  her  ladyship. 

LADY  VERONA  enters.4 

SIR  J. 
Well? 

LADY  V.5 

My  cab  got  blocked  and  the  train  was  in  before  I 
got  there. 

SIR  J. 
Then  you've  missed  him? 

LADY  V. 

Has  Mr.  Mayne  arrived? 
54 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


Yes,  my  lady. 
Where  is  he? 


KNAP. 
LADY  V. 


KNAP. 
He  has  gone  off  again. 

LADY  V. 


Where? 


KNAP. 


I  don't  know,  my  lady;  but  he  said  he  wasn't  re- 
turning here.  So  I  expect  he  has  gone  back  to 
Scotland.1 

MRS.  K. 
Didn't  you  tell  him  I  was  here? 

KNAP. 

No,  my  lady;  he  was  in  such  a  hurry,  I  never  got 
a  chance  of  informing  him.  \Exit? 

MRS.  K.3 

My  lady,  here  is  a  letter  that  Mrs.  Tavender  asked 
me  to  post  your  ladyship. 

LADY  V. 

Oh,  very  well.  [Takes  letter,  reads  it.  Exit  MRS. 
KNAPMAN.4  LADY  VERONA  reads  letter,  shows  in- 
dignation— hands  it  to  SIR  JOSEPH,  who  takes  it 
and  reads  it.  Watching  him.]  You  see!  She 
actually  imagines  that  I — oh — how  dare  she!  I 
must  write  her 5 

SIR  J. 

No.  She's  a  foolish  little  woman.  You'll  only 
make  matters  worse  if  you're  angry  with  her.  I 
wonder  what  has  become  of  Hardolph  ?  6 

55 


1  Sir  J.  goes  to 
•window. 


2  Attack. 


3  Mrs.  K.  comes 
behind  table  R. 
to  c. 


8  Crosses  to  desk 


6  Goes  to  K. 


ACT   I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ir 


LADY  V. 
I  suppose  he  has  gone  back  to  Scotland. 

SIR  J. 

You  must  send  him  a  history  of  the  whole  affair  by 
to-night's  post.     I'll  write  him  too. 

LADY  V.    [Quickly.]  l 
No— no — he  wouldn't  understand  it  coming  from 


1  Coming  L.  c 


1  Takes      letter 
frotn  hint. 


'  Pushes  Sir  J. 
away  fr  o  nt 
her  into  L.  c. 
of  stage  and 
then  backs  »/ 
above  -window 
holding  the 
curtains  a  lit- 
tle in  front  of 
her. 


you. 
Why  not? 


SIR  J. 

LADY  V. 

Because  he — he  wouldn't.2  No,  I'm  going  to  Har- 
dolph  next  week.  And  I'll  explain  everything  the 
first  suitable  opportunity.  But  that  horrid  little 
Cissy! 

[She  has  unconsciously  approached  the  window. 

SIR  J.     [Following  her  tenderly.'] 

Vee,  I  should  never  forgive  myself  if  any  harm 
came  to  you  through  me.  You  know  how  deeply 
I 

LADY  V.3 
Keep  away  from  that  window ! 

SIR  J. 
What's  the  matter? 

LADY  V. 
There's  that  dreadful  woman  again. 

SIR  J. 


Who? 


LADY  V. 


Mrs.  Pakenham.     She  lives  opposite ;  she's  the  most 
56 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   I 


spiteful  old  creature.  She  saw  you  putting  me  into 
the  cab  just  now  and  I  could  see  from  her  look  that 
she  suspected 

SIR  J. 
What? 

LADY  V. 

Oh,  I  don't  know !  The  worst !  That  sort  of  per- 
son always  does.  And  I've  cut  her  so  persistently! 
She'll  only  be  too  pleased  to  get  a  chance  of  making 
mischief  about  me. 

SIR  J. 

[Unconsciously  approaching  window.]  I  can't  tell 
you  how  sorry  I  am 

LADY  V.     [Calls  out  alarmed.] 

Keep  away  from  the  window ;  don't  let  her  see  you. 
Jo,  you  don't  think  anything  serious  will  come  of 
this? 

SIR  J.1 
How  can  it  ?     But  be  sure  you  let  Hardolph  know. 

LADY  V. 

Oh,  I  will,  the  first  suitable  opportunity.  [Has 
crept  to  the  window;  peeps  out  from  behind  cur- 
tains.] She's  there  still.  I'm  sure  she's  watching 
this  house. 

SIR  J. 
What  are  you  going  to  do  now  ? 

LADY  V. 

I  must  get  back  to  Oxfordshire.2  I  shall  just  catch 
the  eleven-fifteen.  What  are  you  going  to  do  ? 


SIR  J. 

I'm  off  to  Switzerland  by  the  seven  from  Victoria.3 
I'll  put  you  in  a  cab.4 

57 


-  Goes  to  c. 


3  Taking     out 
watch. 

*  About  to  go  up 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  II 


LADY  V. 

No— you  mustn't  be  seen  coming  out   from  this 
house  with  me 

SIR  J. 
You're  getting  into  a  panic. 

LADY  V. 

Yes,  I  am!     I  must  try  to  steady  myself.     I'll  go 
quietly  out,  and  you  stay  here.1 

SIR  J. 

Yes.     But  I've  only  just  time  to  catch  my  train, 
and 2 

LADY  V. 
You  don't  wish  to  compromise  me,  do  you? 

SIR  J. 
You  shouldn't  ask  that.3 

LADY  V. 
Then  wait  here  at  least  five  minutes  after  I've  gone. 

SiRj. 


1  Gott  */  to  c.  a 
littlt. 


1  Gttt    a   ft  tv 
sttfs*- 


s  Coming  toe. 


1  Goes  »/  to  door 
C.  Jostfik  fol- 
lows on  her  R. 


Oh,  but 

LADY  V. 
Yes,  please.     Good-bye. 

SIR  J. 
Good-bye. 

[He  takes  her  hand,  and  snatches  the  glove 
which  is  in  her  left  hand;  kisses  her 
hand  very  tenderly. 

LADY  V.4 

Jo,  you  are  incorrigible.     Now,  Jo,  you  won't  leave 
here  till  the  hand  of  that  clock  points  ten  minutes 
to  eleven.     Promise  me! 
58 


SC.  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


SiRj. 

Ten  minutes  to  eleven.     I  promise. 

[Exit  LADY  VERONA.1  Left  alone,  he  sits, 
shows  signs  of  great  impatience;  2  looks 
at  his  zvatch,  looks  at  the  clock,3  kisses 
her  glove,  puts  it  in  his  pocket,  rises 
again,  stamps  his  feet,  inadvertently 
goes  to  the  window;  stands  there  a  mo- 
ment, starts  suddenly  back  from  it. 


SIR  J. 
There's  that  damned  old  woman  again! 

[KNAPMAN  has  entered,4  to  see  his  movement. 

KNAP. 
Anything  the  matter,  Sir  Joseph? 

SIR  J. 


No.£ 


[KNAPMAN  regards  him  curiously  for  a  mo- 
ment or  two. 


KNAP. 
Anything  I  can  do  for  you,  sir  ? 

SIR  J. 

No — no — [KNAPMAN  is  withdrawing  at  back.] 
Yes !  [Taking  a  luggage  ticket  out  of  his  ivaistcoat 
pocket.]  My  luggage  is  in  the  cloak-room  at  Vic- 
toria. Here's  the  ticket !  Will  you  take  a  cab,  get 
it  out  and  register  the  two  big  portmanteaux  for 
Lucerne  ? 

KNAP. 

Yes,  Sir  Joseph.     Lucerne. 

[Going  off,  stops,  looks  at  SIR  JOSEPH 
curiously. 
59 


1  At  tack. 
*  Goes  down. 
3  Moves  R.  C. 


«  At  back. 


5  Crosses  to  down 
R.  and  then 
turns. 


ACT  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  ii 


SIR  J. 
Quick,  my  good  fellow,  you've  no  time  to  lose! 

*Att*e*.  [KNAPMAN   goes   off1    with   the   luggage 

ticket,  looking  very  much  perplexed  at 
SIR  JOSEPH.  SIR  JOSEPH  again  left 
alone,  gets  more  impatient,  walks  to 
desk,  takes  up  his  hat,  walks  backwards 
and  forwards,  muttering,  "  Oh,  con- 
found and  curse  the  thing."  takes  the 
clock  down,  puts  it  on  table,  shakes  fist 
at  it,  picks  it  tip,  shakes  it,  puts  it  dozen 
again,  walks  to  desk  and  picks  up  his 
stick,  walks  back  again,  muttering, 
stamping— 


CURTAIN. 


60 


ACT  II. 

SCENE.  SIR  JOSEPH  LACY'S  chambers.  A  hand- 
some, well-furnished  bachelor's  apartment  over- 
looking the  Green  Park.  At  back,  right,  a 
large  turret  window,  with  seat  all  round,  form- 
ing a  cosy  corner;  in  the  wall  at  back,  left,  an- 
other long  low  window'.  A  writing-desk  be- 
tween the  tivo  windows;  it  is  open,  and  con- 
tains a  litter  of  papers,  letters,  accounts,  etc. 
A  revolving  library  chair  in  front  of  the  desk. 
A  fireplace,  right,  with  fire  burning  in  front  of 
it;  facing  fire  a  cosy  settee.  A  table,  left,  with 
chair  on  each  side  of  it.  A  door  up  stage,  left. 
A  door  down  stage,  left. 

TIME:   An  afternoon  in  late  October. 

Discover    SIR    JOSEPH,    seated    at    desk,1 
looking  over  papers,  smoking.     Enter  STAD- 

DON.2 

STADDON.S 

I  hope  Mrs.  Trabb  had  everything  in  order  on  your 
return.  Sir  Joseph? 

SIR  J. 
Yes,  thank  you,  Staddon. 

STAD. 

I've  arranged  the  library  as  you  wished. 

61 


Lights.  Float 
full  up. 
Lengths  up  at 
all  entrances 
2  amber  limes 
O.  P.  P.  S. 
shelves  4  limes 
on  back  cloth. 


Upper  door  i.. 


3  Staddon  has 
several  nws- 
papers  in  his 
hand.  lie 
closes  door  and 
comes  to  table 
L.C.  arranging 
the  neivspapers 
on  it. 


ACT  II 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


SIR  J.     [Turns  round  on  the  library  chair.] 

Then  I  suppose  we  may  consider  ourselves  com- 
fortably settled  in,  eh  ? 

STAD. 

Yes,  I  suppose,  Sir  Joseph.     And  if  I  may  say  so, 
I'm  very  glad  to  be  back  in  our  own  quarters  again. 


1  Rises  and  goes 
tofirtflact. 


*  Goes   «/  c.   to 
desk. 


'  Stad.  goet  «/ 
to  him. 


4  Giving  Sir 
Josepk  tkt 
book. 


•  Taking  book. 


SIR.    J.1 

So  am  I,  Staddon.  [Looking  at  invitation  cards.] 
Lady  Jen-is — Mrs.  Enderby 

STAD. 

I  beg  pardon,  Sir  Joseph,  you  told  me  to  remind 
you  that  you  dine  with  Professor  Tofield  to-mor- 
row night. 

SIR  J. 

Ah,  yes,  and  a  damned  dull  time  I'm  going  to  have 
with  his  fogies.  Very  well,  Staddon,  we'll  dine2 
with  the  Professor  to-morrow  night;  [making  a 
note  in  engagement-book]  we'll  tick  him  off  and 
then  we'll  begin  to  enjoy  ourselves. 

STAD. 

I  beg  pardon,  Sir  Joseph,  but  I  suppose  you  intend 
to  continue  your  Friday  dinners? 

[Taking  a  cellar-book  out  of  his  pocket. 

SIR  J. 
Yes,  of  course,  Staddon.3 

STAD. 

Because  if  you'll  look  over  the  cellar-book,4  you'll 
find  we're  getting  a  little  short  of  some  of  our 
special  wines. 


Ninety-two  Clicquot. 
62 


SIR  J.B 
Only  six  bottles. 


I  wonder 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


if  there's  any  more  of  that  to  be  got.  We  must  keep 
up  our  reputation,  Staddon. 

STAD. 

Well,  Sir  Joseph,  we've  always  managed  to  do  so 
up  to  the  present. 

SIR  J. 

I  think  we  have,  Staddon.1  I  think  we  have ! 2 
That  reminds  me :  here  are  the  invitations  for  the 
first  two  dinner  parties.3  And,  Staddon,  I'm  think- 
ing of  giving  a  few  little  Sunday  luncheons  as  well. 
I  shall  want  your  help  to  make  them  a  success. 


STAD. 
I  think  you  may  rely  upon  me,  Sir  Joseph. 

SIR  J. 

I'm  sure  I  may.  Now  I'm  back  in  town  I  intend  to 
see  a  good  deal  of  my  friends,  and  I  intend  my 
friends  to  see  a  good  deal  of  me. 

STAD. 

I'm  sure,  Sir  Joseph,  all  your  friends  will  be  very 
pleased  so  to  do.  Then  we  shall  remain  in  town 
for  the  entire  winter? 

SIR.  J.4 

Yes,  I  think.  After  all,  London's  the  only  place  fit 
to  live  in.5 

STAD. 

Exactly  the  remark  I  was  making  to  Mrs.  Trabb 
this  morning.  I  said,  "  London's  good  enough  for 
me,"  I  said ;  and  I  added  "  I  trust  I'm  good  enough 
for  London;"  and  she  replied,"  I  sincerely  trust 
you  are,  Mr.  Staddon." 

SIR  J. 

A  very  excellent  sentiment  on  the  part  of   Mrs. 

63 


1  Siis  at  desk. 

-  Gives  book  tack 
'.     to  Staddon. 

3  Giving  Stad- 
don about 
tiv  e  n  ty  ad- 
dressed envel- 
opes which 
have  been  ly- 
ing on  the 
•writing-desk. 


*  fiises. 


8  Cotnes  down  c. 
and  leans  on 
back  of  chair 
R.  of  table. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


Trabb.  Yes,  very  well,  Staddon,  I  hope  \ve  shall 
prove  ourselves  worthy  citizens  of  London  town 
for  the  next  few  months.  Post  those  invitations.1 


1  Gott  »/  to  win- 


*  Lowtr  door. 


STAD. 

Yes,  Sir  Joseph.  [Exit* 

[Left  alone  SIR  JOSEPH  goes  back  to  desk 
picks  up  from  amongst  the  litter,  the 
glove  which  he  had  taken  from  LADY 
VERONA  in  the  first  act,  looks  at  it 
fondly,  kisses  it,  takes  up  a  letter  from 
the  desk,  reads  it. 

"  MY  DEAR  Jo, 

"  You  need  not  trouble  any  further  about 
our  little  adventure.  It  has  quite  blown  over;  and 
Hardolph,  like  a  dear  good  sensible  husband,  has 
said  nothing-  further  about  it.  We  got  back  to  Sa- 
ville  Street  last  evening,  and  shall  stay  here  till 
Christmas.  When  do  you  get  back  to  town?  Let 
us  know,  and  come  and  dine  with  us  some  evening. 
But  please  say  nothing  to  Hardolph  about  your 
breakfast  in  Saville  Street,  as  if  you  mention  it  he 
might  attach  some  importance  to  it. 

"With  kindest  regards,     [-SVg/'-s.] 
"  Your  affectionate  mother, 
"  Vee." 

[He  kisses  the  letter;  kisses  the  glove.  He 
hastily  puts  letter  in  pocket  and  throws 
glove  to  desk;  it  misses  desk  and  falls 
on  the  side,  where  it  remains.  He  then 
goes  doitm  to  settee,  settles  himself 
comfortably  in  it,  and  says  half  under 
his  breath : 

SIR  J. 

That's  all  right,  now  I'm  going  to  have  a  damned 
good  time. 

64 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


Enter  STADDON/  showing  in  GERALD  FANMERE,  a 
weak,  amiable,  fussy  little  man,  about  thirty. 
STADDON  announces — "  Mr.  Fanmere." 

[Exit  STADDON.2 

SIR  J.     [Advancing  very  cordially.] 

Ah,  my  dear  Fanny!  Delighted  to  see  you!   How's 
Lady  Joyce? 

FAN. 

Joyce  is  in  the  country.     I've  wired  her  to  come  up 
about  this  wretched  business.3 


Wretched  business?  ! 


SIR  J. 


FAN. 


Now,  my  dear  Jo,  if  anything  is  to  be  done,  it  must 
be  done  at  once,  before  it's  too  late.  Have  you 
anything  to  propose  ? 


SIR  J. 


With  regard  to  what? 

FAN. 

It's  useless  to  beat  about  the  bush.  Hardolph  knows 
everything ! 

SIR  J. 
Yes,  of  course  he  does. 

FAN. 
Well? 

SIR  J. 

Well?   well?   well?  Like   a   sensible   husband  he's 
taking  no  notice  of  it. 

FAN. 

Taking  no  notice  of  it!     He's  raging  like  a  mad- 
man. 


1  Lower  doer. 


*  Lower  door. 


Crosses  to  R. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


SIR  J. 
What's  he  doing  that  for? 

FAN. 

Well  wouldn't  you,  under  the  circumstances?  I 
know  I  should.  He's  threatening  every  moment 
to  go  to  Cattermoul.1 


1  Gftt   on  tftttt 

K. 


*  Drops     into 
trttee. 


»  Sift  by  him. 


•  Leant  back. 


SIR  J. 
FAN. 


Who's  Cattermoul? 

His  lawyer.2 

SIR  J. 
Will  you  please  tell  me  what  has  happened? 

FAN. 

The  day  before  yesterday  Jermyn  Pyecroft  was 
telling  a  couple  of  fellows  the  whole  story  in  the 
smoking-room  of  the  New  Carlton ;  and  just  as  he 
came  to  the  spicy  part  of  it 

SIR  J. 
Excuse  me.    What  do  3  you  call  the  spicy  part  ? 

FAN. 

About  your  losing  your  luggage  and  begging  a 
shake-clown  for  the  night.4  Damned  silly  story 
that,  Jo! 

SIR  J. 
You  think  so? 

Well,  isn't  it? 
Go  on. 


FAN. 
SIR  J. 
FAN. 


Well,  all  the  time  Hardolph  was  sitting  in  a  big 
armchair  with  his  back  to  them;  and  just  as  Pye- 
66 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  II 


croft  came  to  the  point  where  Harry  Tavender  gave 
you  the  tip  that  Hardolph  was  coming  up  from 
Scotland  that  morning 

SIR  J. 

Harry  Tavender  gave  me  the  tip  that 

FAN. 

My  dear  Jo,  yon  don't  deny  Tavender  did  give  you 
the  tip 


Go  on. 


SIR  J. 


FAN. 


Just  then,  up  jumps  Hardolph  from  behind  his 
paper  and  says,  "  Pyecroft,  perhaps  you'll  be  good 
enough  to  tell  me  the  remainder  of  this  story  at 
my  own  house."  Tableau ! 

SIR  J. 

But  Lady  Verona  told  Hardolph  all  about  it  directly 

she  got  down  to  Scotland 

[Drawing  LADY  VERONA'S  letter  from  his 
pocket l  and  glancing  at  it. 

FAN.      [Much  annoyed.] 

My  dear  Jo,  what  is  the  use  of  telling  me  a  silly 
tarradiddle  like  this?  Hardolph  knew  nothing 
about  it  till  the  day  before  yesterday. 

SIR  J.2 
Are  you  sure? 

[Glancing  at  LADY  VERONA'S  letter  and  put- 
ting it  back  in  his  pocket,  puzzled. 

FAN.     [Getting  more  and  more  irritated.] 
Am  I  sure?    Is  it  likely  that  Vee  would  tell  him  of 
her  own  account?     Is  it  likely 3 

SIR  J. 

But  good  heaven!     Surely  Mayne  doesn't  imagine 

that 

67 


1  Fan.  rises  and 
goes  to  c. 


2  Rises. 


*  Coining  back  to 
him  R.  c. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


1  Taf>t  him  in  a 
quift,  /riemliy 
miy  OH  tkt 

tkouliier. 


•  Draft  into  ttt- 
tet. 


'  Starting  off  to 


'  Staffing  him. 
fax.  runs  over 
L.  C.  after  him. 


•  Bringt  Sir  J. 
back  to  c. 


FAN.1 

My  dear  Jo,  this  story  is  being  repeated  every- 
where, all  over  the  town 


What!2 


SIR  J. 


FAN. 


So  it's  no  use  to  play  the  innocent  martyr.  Every- 
thing's known.  All  you've  got  to  do  is  to  own  up, 
and  see  whether  we  can  pull  poor  Vee  out  of  the 
fire. 

SIR  J. 

Certainly  Lady  Verona  must  be  saved  at  all  costs. 
At  all  costs! 

FAN. 
Yes,  I  daresay !    What  are  you  going  to  do  ? 

SIR  J.3 

Do?  Go  straight  across  to  Mayne  to  tell  him  not 
to  make  an  ass  of  himself. 

FAN.4 

Are  you  mad?  You  mustn't  go  near  him  till  I've 
smoothed  things  down. 

SIR  J. 

Why  not? 

FAN.5 

He's  in  a  frantic  state,  pacing  up  and  down  the 
drawing-room  like  a  caged  tiger,  swearing  one  mo- 
ment he'll  kill  you,  and  the  next  that  he'll  take  the 
whole  matter  to  Cattermoul. 


And  Lady  Verona? 


SIR  J. 


FAN. 


Vee's  in  just  as  desperate  a  state  downstairs;  de- 
68 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


claring  she's  innocent;  saying  she'll  leave  Hardolph; 
going  into  hysterics.  Oh,  they're  having  some  very 
high  jinks  in  Saville  Street  to-day,  I  assure  you. 


SIR  J. 

But  what  are  people  saying  ?  1  Who  started  it  ?  I 
suppose  I  may  thank  Harry  Tavender  and  his  wife 
for  this 

FAN. 

You  may  thank  yourself,  my  dear  Jo,  but  the  Tav- 
enders  have  done  their  little  best  to  get  the  story 
known  everywhere. 

SIR  J. 
But  good  heavens !  2     It's  monstrous !    I 

Enter  STADDON,S  showing  in  PROFESSOR  TOFIELD, 
a  stout,  pompous,  aggressive  man  of  seventy- 
five,  ivith  large  gold  spectacles.  STADDON  an- 
nounces— "  Professor  Tofield." 

SIR.  J.4 

Ah,  my  dear  uncle,  one  moment.5  Staddon,  I  be- 
lieve Mr.  Tavender  is  on  the  telephone.  Please 
ring  him  up  and  say  I  should  be  much  obliged  if 
he  and  Mrs.  Tavender  would  come  on  here  at  once. 

STAD. 
Yes,  Sir  Joseph.  [Exit  STADDON  6 

SIR  J. 
Now,  my  dear  uncle,  how  d'ye  do? 

[Offering  hand,  -which  TOFIELD  will  not  see. 

TOF.     [Glaring  at  SIR  JOSEPH  through  his 
spectacles.'] 

I  wish  to  have  a  word  with  you  in  private. — 7  How 
d'ye  do,  Mr.  Fanmere? 

69 


1  Going  to  R. 


1  Going  tack  to 
L.  C. 

8  Lower  do  or, 
left. 


4  Standing  down 
L.  c. 

e  To/,  glares  at 
SirJ.  and  goes 
to  c.  above  Sir 
J.  To/,  then 
stares  at  Fan- 
mere  and  goes 
up  c.  taking 
off  his  gloves. 


6  Lower    door 
left. 


7  Goes  R.a  little. 


ACT   II 


JnSEl'II  ENTANGLED 


SC.  I 


To  A eld  eon  tin- 
ties  to  flit  re  at 
Sir  Joseph. 


FAN. 
How  d'ye  do,  Professor  ? J 

SIR  J. 
I  trust  I've  done  nothing  to  upset  you 

Tor. 

No.  I  have  arrived  at  a  time  of  life  when  I  will 
no  longer  allow  my  emotions  to  be  played  upon, 
and  my  digestion  to  be  impaired  by  the  spectacle  of 
your  follies  and  indiscretions. 


1  Goes  uf>  c. 
places  his  hat 
OH  desk,  and 
A  is  umbrella 
by  the  side  of 
it.  Sir/,  dur- 
ing following 
lines  is  l_  c. 


*  Comts  doom  c. 


SIR  J. 
I  suppose  you've  heard  this  absurd  story 

Tor. 
I  have  heard  a  story  which 

FAN. 

Excuse  me,  Professor  Tofield,  but  as  this  unfor- 
tunate affair  concerns  my  wife's  family,  I've  come 
here  to  try  to  arrange  matters  without  a  public 
scandal.  Now,  if  the  friends  of  both  parties,  such 
as  you  and  I 

Tor.     [Glances  at  SIR  JOSEPH.] 

Pardon  me.  In  this  matter  I  decline  to  be  regarded 
in  any  sense  as  a  friend  of  Sir  Joseph's.2 

FAN. 

Yes.  Of  course  we  can't  quite  approve  his  con- 
duct, but 

TOP.     [Majestically.] 

Approve  his  conduct?3     Approve  [Glares  at 

SlRj.] 

FAN. 

That's  what  I  say !    His  conduct  has  been  [looking 
'  70 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


at  SIR  JOSEPH]  disgraceful!  Very  disgraceful! 
Still,  there's  a  lady's  reputation  at  stake 

TOF. 

That  is  no  responsibility  of  mine.  If  ladies  wish  to 
preserve  their  reputations  they  should  take  the  very 
simple  precaution  not  to  place  those  reputations  in 
circumstances  where  they  will  be  at  stake. 

FAN. 

Yes,  yes,  of  course.  But  after  all,  you  know,  the 
question  is,  "  Can  we  hush  it  up?  " 

TOF.     [Majestically.] 

Hush  it  up?  !  Hush  it  up?  !  Do  I  understand  you, 
Mr.  Fanmere,  to  ask  me  to  betray  the  guiding  prin- 
ciples of  my  whole  career  ? l 


'  Sir-  J.  lights  a 
cigarette. 


A — a — what  are  your 


FAN. 

No!     No!     Of  course  not. 
guiding  principles? 

TOF. 

When  I  accepted  my  present  professorship  I  deter- 
mined to  make  no  truce  with  the  organized  system 
of  conventional  lying  which  supports  and  regulates 
English  society.  I  determined  to  speak  the  truth  on 
all  occasions,  with  an  absolute  disregard  of  any 
pain  or  discomfort  I  might  cause  to  those  around 
me 2 

FAN. 
Very  noble  and  courageous  of  you! 

TOF. 

I  determined  to  make  my  office  the  means  of  bring- 
ing about  some  small  relation  between  moral  theory 
and  personal  practice  in  England. .  What  has  been 
the  result?  I  say  it  with  pride  and  exhilaration — I 


1  Sir  /. sits*,  of 
table  L.  c.  and 
smokes. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


SC.  I 


*Sir  J.  risei 
quickly  and 
goes  c.  to  Tof. 


have  made  enemies  everywhere!  My  class-room  is 
deserted !  My  windows  have  twice  been  gutted ! 
And  on  one  occasion  I  only  avoided  the  indignity 
of  a  personal  encounter  by  remaining  indoors  for 
two  days ! 

FAN. 

Very  noble  and  courageous  of  you! 
TOF. 

And  I  assure  you  I  have  not  come  for  the  purpose 
of  hushing  it  up! 

SIR.  J.1 

Then,  my  dear  uncle,  will  you  please  tell  me  what 
on  earth  you  have  come  for? 

TOF. 

I  have  come  in  the  first  place  to  withdraw  my  in- 
vitation to  you  to  dine  with  me  to-morrow  night — 

SIR  J.     [Eagerly  takes  up  his  engagement-book, 
and  makes  a  mark.] 

It's  cancelled,  my  dear  uncle !    Please  say  no  more.2 
TOF. 

I  have  a  great  deal  more  to  say.  This  unhappy  gen- 
tleman, Mr.  Hardolph  Mayne,  is  the  son  of  one  of 
my  oldest  friends.  I  had  also  invited  him  and  Lady 
Verona  to  dine  with  me.  In  accordance  with  my 
well-known  principles,  I  shall  be  obliged  to  with- 
draw my  invitation  to  them 

SIR  J. 

Oh,  my  dear  uncle !  3  Withdraw  your  invitations 
to  everybody!  Give  them  all  a  night  off!  And 
give  your  principles  a  night  off  too!  Let  them 
have  a  little  rest  sometimes!  I've  got  principles! 
We've  all  got  principles!  But,  thank  heaven,  we 
don't  make  our  neighbors  uncomfortable  by  acting 
up  to  them ! 

72 


1  S Us  again. 


»  Rises. 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


1  Lower     do  of 


TOP.     [Very  angry.] 

Very  well,  sir !  Very  well !  I  have  still  a  plain  and 
painful  duty  to  discharge  to  you  in  this  matter. 
And  if  you 

Enter  STADDON/  announcing  "  Mr.  Jermyn  Pye- 
croft."  Enter  JERMYN  PYECROFT,  a  tall,  sleek, 
well-dressed,  superior,  affected  person,  about 
fifty:  sharp-featured,  a  little  bald ;  satirical,  cor- 
rect; a  constant  poseur.  Exit  STADDON. 

PYE. 
Ah,  my  dear  Joseph 


My  dear  Pyecroft. 


SIR  J. 


[SJiaking  hands. 


PYE. 


Fanmere,  my  salutations- 


FAN. 
How  d'ye  do  ? 

[PYECROFT  looks  at  TOFIELD  through  eye- 
glass.    TOFIELD  grunts. 

SIR  J.     [Introduces.] 

Mr.  Jermyn  Pyecroft.  My  uncle,  Professor  To- 
field,  Jobsonian  Professor  of  Moral  Philosophy. 

PYE.2 

Professor,  I  greet  you  most  cordially.  I  was  glanc- 
ing at  your  new  volume  yesterday,  "  The  Relation 
of  Theory  to  Practice  in  Modern  Ethics "  [ TO- 
FIELD  bows].  I  have  never  before  encountered 
anyone  who  supposed  there  could  be  any  relation 
between  British  theory  and  British  practice  in  the 
sphere  of  morals.3  Apropos  of  morals,  my  dear 
Joseph,  I  have  come  to  make  a  little  personal  ex- 
planation. May  I  tear  you  from  your  friends  for 
a  moment?  Unless  you  would  prefer  me  to  un- 
burden my  guilty  soul  in  public? 

73 


•  Crossing  to  R. 


Tqfteld 
and  sils 

settee. 


grtnt 
K.  on 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


SIR  J. 

My  dear  Pyecroft,  if  you  have  come  upon  the  same 
errand  that  has  brought  Mr.  Fanmere  and  Profes- 
sor Tofield,  pray  speak  out. 

PYE. 

Then  I  will  place  myself  in  the  pillory.  I  blame  and 
scourge  myself,  my  dear  Joseph,  for  having  been 
so  foolish  as  to  listen  to  a  scandalous  story  connect- 
ing your  name  with  that  of  a  certain  lady.  I  blame 
and  scourge  myself  still  more  for  having  been  so 
foolish  as  to  repeat  it,  even  in  the  sanctity  of  a  club 
smoking-room.  I  blame  and  scourge  and  mortify 
myself  in  a  still  higher  degree  for  not  having  ascer- 
tained that  the  lady's  husband  was  screened  behind 
a  newspaper,  and  was  listening  to  my  artless  prat- 
tle. I  have  no  knowledge  whatever  of  the  facts  of 
the  case;  but  whatever  they  are  I  declare  them  to 
be  utterly  false,  incredible,  and  highly  mischievous 
to  society;  I  triumphantly  place  the  garter  of 
"  Honi  soit  qui  mal  y  pense  "  upon  my  own  knee, 
and  upon  the  knee  of  any  lady  or  gentleman  who 
will  tender  it  to  me  for  that  purpose.  [TOFIELD  rises 
to  make  an  indignant  protest.]  I  speak  in  metaphors, 
my  dear  Professor !  A  mere  trope !  A  mere  trope ! 
[TOFIELD  seats  himself.]  I  draw  no  moral,  my  dear 
Joseph !  I  simply  cover  myself  with  confusion,  and 
I  offer  the  most  abject  apology  to  your  injured  self, 
to  the  injured  lady,  and  to  the  injured  husband. 
And  now  I  trust  you  will  allow  me  to  withdraw 
from  this  affair  with  the  assurance  that  my  humble 
share  in  it  will  be  totally  pardoned  and  forgotten. 

Good-day 

[Takes  tip  hat,  about  to  go. 

SIR  J. 

No,  Pyecroft,  I  want  you  to  tell  me  exactly  what 
you  heard  and  give  me  your  authority. 
74 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


Enter  STADDON/  showing  in  MR.  and  MRS.  TAV- 
ENDER. 

STAD.      [Announces.] 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Tavender. 
Exit  STADDON. 

The  TAVENDERS  enter,  looking  most  uncomfortable,2 

SIR  J. 
How  d'ye  do,  Mrs.  Tavender  ?  3 

MRS.  T.     [Shaking  hands.] 
How  are  you,  Sir  Joseph  ? 

TAV.4    [With  great  assumed  cordiality.'] 
Ah,  my  dear  Jo,  how  goes  it ! 

SIR.  J.5 
How  d'ye  do,  Harry? 

TAV. 

We  got  your  message  on  the  telephone,  and  of 
course  we  came  on  at  once.  [Very  uneasy.]  Any- 
thing— a — important  ? 

SIR  J. 

Yes,  Harry,  most  important.  I  find  that  a  lady's 
name  has  been  associated  with  mine  in  a  cruel  and 
false  scandal.0 

MRS.  T. 

Yes,  we've  heard  something  about  it.  But  I  hope 
you  don't  mean  to  infer  that  Harry  and  I  have  any- 
thing to  do  with  it?  7 

SIR  J. 

I  infer  nothing;  I  find  that  this  scandal  is  being  re- 
peated everywhere.  It  has  become  so  general  that 
it  cannot  be  allowed  to  die  a  natural  death.  There 

75 


I.amer   door 
left. 


•  Tofield    rises. 


s  Comes  to  c., 
Mrs.  T.  fol- 
lows him. 


*  L.  C. 


0  Mrs.  T.  goes  to 
Tav.,  they  ex- 
change looks, 
pannierc  is 
dcnvn  K.  To- 
field above  him 
•with  his  back 
to  the  fire. 

'  Sits  down  R. 
oj  table  L.  C. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


is  nothing  for  me  to  do  but  to  court  the  strictest 
inquiry,  to  bring  every  detail  to  light,  to  prove  the 
lady's  absolute  innocence,  and  to  silence  anyone  who 
dares  to  breathe  the  least  word  against  her  unsullied 
honor ! 

PVE. 

Admirably  put,  my  dear  Joseph.  And  quite  in  the 
style  of  eloquence  befitting  these  occasions. 

TAV.     [I7 cry  uneasy.] 

My  dear  Jo,  anything  that  Cissy  and  I  can  do  to 
help  you  out  of  the  hole — anything  in  this  world, 
only  too  happy — but  you  know — eh? 

SIR  J.     [Sternly.] 

Will  you  please  tell  me  exactly  what  you  and  Mrs. 
Ta vender  have  been  saying  about  myself  and — a 
lady? 

TAV.     [  Uncomfortable.  ] 

Well,  I  assure  you — eh,  Cissy?  l 

MRS.  T. 

I  really  take  no  interest  in  such  affairs.  I've  scarcely 
mentioned  it 

SIR  J. 

No,  but  when  you  have  mentioned  it,  what  have  you 
said?  Eh,  Harry? 

TAV. 

Well,  I  assure  you,  Jo— we've  always  let  you  down 
gently,  eh,  Cissy? 

SIR  J. 
Let  me  down  gently  ?  2     What  do  you  mean  ? 

TAV. 

Well — you  know,  Jo,  it  isn't  fair  to  corner  me  like 
this— eh,  Cissy?  [Most  uncomfortable. 

76 


1  Backs  away  to 

L, 


*  Mtrt'tt  over  to 
kirn. 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


MRS.  T.1 

Oh,  my  dear  Harry,  if  it's  going  to  be  made  public 
I  really  can't  and  won't  be  mixed  up  in  it. 

SIR  J. 
Aren't  you  already  a  little  mixed  up  in  it? 

MRS.  T. 

I  suppose  you  think  that  Harry  and  I  started  this 
gossip.  But  if  you  wish  to  know  who  your  friend 
really  is  I  don't  mind  telling  you 

TAV. 
Now,  Cissy,  do  take  care 


1  Kites. 


MRS.  T. 

No,  Harry,  I  cannot  be  accused  of  being  a  scandal- 
monger. [To  SIR  JOSEPH.]  The  person  who  has 
really  spread  all  these  dreadful  tales  is  Mrs.  Paken- 
ham,  who  lives  opposite  to  the  Maynes  in  Saville 
Street.  She  was  watching  you  and  Lady  Verona 
from  her  window. 


Well- 


SIR  J. 

MRS.  T. 

Well — I  don't  know  what  she  saw,  or  what  she 
didn't  see,  but  if  she  saw  half  of  what  she  says  she 
saw — well,  you'd  better  send  for  Mrs.  Pakenham. 

SIR  J. 
I  will  send  for  Mrs.  Pakenham  in  her  turn 


MRS.  T. 

Well,  her  turn  comes  before  mine.  [Getting  agi- 
tated.] And  I  think  before  accusing  old  friends 
like  Harry  and  me 

77 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


1  Tttrnt  to  Tar. 
wko  it  an  It  is 


SIR  J. 

Excuse  me.  I  have  accused  no  one.  I  merely  ask 
you  and  Tavender  to  help  me  to  get  at  the  truth. 

MRS.  T. 

I  really  didn't  notice  what  took  place  that  morning. 
I  was  too  much  shocked  and  surprised.  So  it  won't 
be  the  least  use  to  call  us  for  witnesses  on  either 
side,  and  if  Hardolph  carries  out  his  threat  and  gets 
a  divorce 

SIR  J. 
Does  Mayne  speak  of  a  divorce?  * 

TAV.     [Smiling  in  a  silly,  embarrassed  way.} 
Ye— es. 

MRS.  T. 

Well,  what  else  can  he  do?  And  the  moment  he 
brings  his  action  we  shall  go  abroad;  we  shall  not 
allow  our  address  to  be  known,  and  we  shall  stay 
there  till  it's  all  over.  You'll  forgive  my  speaking 
so  plainly.  Good-bye.2  I  really  can't  stay.  I  was 
just  going  on  to  a  party  when  your  message  came. 
I  haven't  a  moment.  Harry,  are  you  coming? 

TAV.     [Preparing  to  go.~\ 

You  know,  Jo,  I  don't  see  how  I  can  be  of  much 
use— eh,  old  fellow  ?  3 

SIR  J. 

You'd  better  stay,  Harry.  I  shall  want  you  to  help 
me  thrash  this  out.  Mrs.  Tavender,  I'll  see  you  to 
the  door 

MRS.  T.     [Going  off.] 

Harry,  do  be  careful  and  don't  let  your  good  nature 
run  away  with  you.  If  you're  wise  you'll  say 
exactly  what  I've  said,  and  refuse  to  be  drawn  into 
it.4  Oh,  please  don't  trouble 


*  Mrs.  T.  tlwket 
/Kinds  with 
SirJ.  Taven- 
der optns  door 
L.  stands  L.  c. 


•  Gives  SirJ.  his 
hand.  Sir  /. 
lakes  7'ar't 

/111  II  ,/         It  M  d 

nviHgs        hint 
round  to  C. 


*  SirJ.  meres  at 
if    to    follo'.o 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


ACT    II 


If  you  please- 


SIR  J. 


[Exeunt  SIR  JOSEPH  and  MRS. 

TAV. 

I  say,  this  is  pretty  bad  business,  eh?  Looks  as  if 
we  were  going  to  have  a  big  wash  of  dirty  linen, 
eh  ?  Now  we  must  all  hang  together  and  keep  each 
other  out  of  it,  eh  ?  2 

PYE. 
I  intend  to  extricate  myself. 

TAV. 

Yes,  Jermyn,  you  seem  to  have  landed  yourself 
in  the  thick  of  it.  [Laughing. 

PYE. 
Joseph  has  just  asked  me  for  my  authority. 

TAV. 
Eh?     [Anxiously.]     Well?    Well? 

PYE. 

If  I'm  challenged,  I  fear  I  shall  be  obliged  to  name 
you  as  my  child's  guide  to  knowledge  in  this  affair. 

TAV. 

WThat?  Oh,  I  say!  Oh  come,  Jermyn,  you  don't 
mean  to  give  me  away !  3 

TAV.4     [Bursting  out.] 

It's  too  bad  of  Jo  Lacy  to  drag  all  his  friends  into 
a  confounded  mess  like  this !  If  he  wants  to  break- 
fast with  a  lady,  why  the  deuce  doesn't  he  take  her 
— anywhere?  Let  him  take  her  to  Timbuctoo  to 
breakfast !  or  Jericho.  I  don't  care  where  he  takes 
her  so  long  as  he  keeps  her  out  of  my  way. — Ah, 
Jo!  [as  SIR  JOSEPH  rc-cntcrs.]* 

79 


1  Loiver    door, 
left. 


2  Pyecroft  movei 
to  R.  c. 


3  Pyecroft  gives 
an  amused 
shrug ;  turns 
up  C. 

*  Goes  L. 


8  Sir  J.  closes 
door,  looks  at 
all  the  men 
present  for  a 
second  and 
then  crosses  to 
c.  standing 
facing  all  of 
them  with  hit 
tack  to  tht 
audience. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


FAN. 

Now,  my  dear  Jo,  I  hope  you  thoroughly  realize 
your  position. 

SIR  J. 
I'm  beginning  to. 

FAN. 

Then  there's  no  need  to  rub  it  in. 


»  At  fire.  Fan. 
gets  »/  R.  c  a 
few  stefs. 


1  Seats  himself. 
Pfe  sits  K.  of 
table  L.  c. 
Tavender  sits 
on  front  edge 
fftabU. 


Not  a  bit. 


SIR  J. 

Tor.1 


I  am  waiting  to  make  an  important  communication 
to  Sir  Joseph.  If  he  wishes  I  will  retire  into  an- 
other room  meantime. 

SIR  J. 

No,  pray  stay,  my  dear  uncle.  I  feel  sure  that  if 
you  can't  help  us,  at  least  you'll  be  able  to  offer  us 
a  quantity  of  good  advice. 

TOP. 

On  that  understanding  I  will  remain;  though  at  a 
very  considerable  loss  of  self-respect.2 


Now,  I'm  here  as  a  friend  of  both  parties,  to  see 
whether  this  can't  be  arranged.  I've  told  Hardolph 
I  feel  sure  you  have  some  perfectly  natural  and  in- 
nocent explanation  of  the  circumstances. 

SIR  J. 
So  I  have. 

FAX. 
Well,  dear  old  boy,  let's  hear  it  then! 

SIR  J. 

I  was  there  by  the  merest  accident.     I'd  lost  my 
80 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


1  Kises. 


luggage,  my  club  was  closed  for  cleaning,  and  I 
happened  to  be  passing  through  Saville  Street; 
Knapman  the  butler  was  leaning  out  of  the  win- 
dow  

[They  all  shozv  amused  incredulity, 

FAN. 

Yes,  dear  boy,  we  know  all  about  that.  But  you 
don't  expect  me  to  go  back  to  Hardolph  with  that 
story,  do  you? 

SIR  J. 

But  it's  the  mere  truth,  I  give  you  my  word  of 
honor  as  a  gentleman 

Tor.1 

I  never  allow  the  phrases,  "  word  of  honor,"  "  man 
of  honor,"  to  pass  current  in  my  presence.  Were 
I  in  the  position  in  which  you  have  placed  this  un- 
happy gentleman 

SIR  J. 
What?! 

Tor. 

A  contingency  that  would  have  been  incredible,  im- 
possible, with  either  of  my  wives  2 — my  successive 
wives — but  had  I  any  suspicion  that  I  was  an  in- 
jured husband,  the  mere  fact  that  I  was  offered  a 
denial  on  "  the  word  of  honor  of  a  gentleman  " 
would  go  far  to  assure  me  that  my  misfortune  was 
accomplished.  [In  a  loud  aside  to  TAVENDER,  who 
is  next  to  him.]  "Word  of  honor  of  a  gentle- 
man !  "  The  utterly  discredited  and  discreditable 
formula  of  every  plausible  scamp. 

[Glaring  at  SIR  JOSEPH. 

SIR  J. 

That  may  be,  my  dear  uncle!  But  I  give  you  my 
word  of  honor  as  a  gentleman  that  Lady  Verona  is 
innocent!  [He  looks  round,  they  fust  glance  at 

81  " 


5  They  all  start 
and  look  at 
Tof. 


ACT  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


each  other  and  show  incredulity.]  Entirely  inno- 
cent in  word  and  deed  and  thought!  [Pause;  he 
again  looks  round;  they  still  maintain  the  same  air 
of  quiet  cold  incredulity.]  Fanny!  Pyecroft,  I'm 
not  saying  this  because  it's  considered  the  proper 
thing  to  do!  I'm  simply  speaking  the  plain  truth. 
She's  innocent.  My  most  sacred  word  of  honor! 
I  swear  it  on  any  oath  you  like  to  put  to  me !  By 
everything  that  I  hold  dear.1  You  don't  believe  me  ? 

PYE. 

My  dear  Joseph,  of  course  we  accept  your  assurance 
as  a  man  of  honor.  What  else  could  we  expect 
from  a  man  of  honor?  What  less  could  a  man  of 
honor  give!  But  having  accepted  your  word  of 
honor  as  a  man  of  honor,  the  facts  remain  the  same. 
You  do  not  gainsay  that  you  were  discovered  break- 
fasting with  Lady  Verona? 

SIR  J. 
No. 

PYE. 

arrived   at   Saville 

SIR  J. 
Yes. 

PYE. 

Having  lost  your  luggage. 

Tor. 
Bah! 

PYE. 

You  did  what  is  usual  in  such  circumstances,  you 
begged  a  bed  from  a  friend's  butler? 

SIR  J. 
Yes. 

PYE. 

Unfortunately  Lady  Verona  had  arrived  at  Saville 
Street  the  same  evening? 
82 


1  Sir  J.  from  the 
time  he  has 
entered  has 
bten  standing 
with  hit  back 
to  a  ud  fence 
nearly  alt  the 
time.  He  has 
only  moved  his 
head  a  little 
from  one  per- 
ton  to  tht 
other.  When 
he  gets  to  the 
lines  "  I  swear 
it  on  any  oatk 
you  put  to 
me,"  he  half 
turns  and  only 
faces  audience 
when  he  says 
to  Pyecroft, 
"  You  don't 
believe  me." 


You   had 
evening? 


Street   the  previous 


SO.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT    II 


Yes. 


SIR  J. 


PYE. 


Having  omitted  to  mention  these  facts  to  our  friend 
Hardolph,  he  is  naturally  inclined  to  place  a  some- 
what harsh  construction  on  them. 

FAN. 

Yes.  It  puts  n:e  in  such  a  damned  silly,  awkward 
position.  Now,  Jo,  can't  you  give  me  some  ex- 
planation that  will — will — will 


Will  what? 


SIR  J. 


FAN. 


Well,  put  things  right  and  get  us  all  out  of  this 
infernal  muddle  that  you've  got  us  into?  [taking 
out  watch.]  Hardolph's  waiting  for  my  return. 
What  shall  I  tell  him  from  you?  [Pause.] 

SIR  J. 

Tell  him  I  give  him  my  word  of  honor  that  Lady 
Verona  is  innocent. 

[They  all  express  dissatisfaction. 

FAN. 

Yes !  And  off  he  goes  to  Cattermoul  and  starts  an 
tion  for  divorce.  What  then? 

SIR  J.      [Very  calmly.] 

[Looks  at  others.]  Tell  him  to  go  to  Cattermoul. 
And  start  his  action  for  divorce.  And  win  his  ac- 
tion for  divorce.1 

[Sits  and  very  calmly  lights  a  cigarette.1 
FANMERE  looks  at  SIR  JOSEPH;  looks 
all  round  at  the  others;  makes  a  helpless, 
despairing  gesture. 


1  Cresset  to  set- 
tee c. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


TAV.     [Sympathetically.] 

Yes,  it's  a  nasty  bit  of  business  for  all  of  us.1  Well, 
Jo,  old  fellow,  hope  you'll  come  out  of  it  smiling! 
I  don't  see  that  I  can  be  of  much  further  use — so 
I'll  toddle!2 


*  Going  L. 

•  Cresset  to  L.  c. 


'  Coming   down 
C.  a  little. 


FAN.3 

No,  Harry,  I  told  Hardolph  I'd  bring  you  round  to 
Saville  Street  with  me. 

TAV. 

Dear  boy — what  for?     What  can  I  do? 
FAN. 

Hardolph  wants  to  question  you  about  the  whole 
matter.  Now,  my  dear  Harry,  if  you'll  tell  him 
that  from  their  manner  that  morning  you're  quite 
sure  that  Lady  Vee  and  Jo  are  innocent 

TAV. 

Eh  ?  Oh  no,  Fanny.  Anything  to  help  a  friend — 
but  that's  too  large  an  order — oh  no. 

FAN. 

But  my  dear  Harry,  if  you  don't  we're  all  up  a 
tree — —  4 

TOP.      [Shaking  his  head  vigorously.'] 
I  cannot  allow 

FAN. 
Yes,  yes,  Professor! 


Tor. 


I  say  I  cannot  allow- 


FAN. 

Yes,  Professor;  your  opinions  do  you  very  great 
honor,  but  we're  trying  to  save  a  lady's  reputation, 
and  it's  a  case  where  the  truth  may  be  stretched  a 
little.  [Looking  to  PYECROFT. 

84 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  II 


1  Tof.  goes  up  c. 
again. 

-  Goes  uf  to  itesA. 


PYE. 

In  the  case  of  a  lady's  reputation,  what  is  the  truth 
made  for — except  to  be  stretched.1  Alas,  that  it 
should  sometimes  snap!2 

FAN. 
Now,  Harry,  you  must  come  on  with  me. 

TAV.     [Very  miserable.] 

Well — all  right — I'll  come — but  I  shall  make  an 
awful  mess  of  it. 

FAN. 

You  mustn't  make  a  mess  of  it.  I'll  back  you  up. 
[Looks  at  SIR  JOSEPH.]  I'll  tell  Hardolph  that 
from  Sir  Joseph's  manner  this  afternoon,  I'm  sure 
he's  innocent. 

TAV. 

But  I  shall  feel  such  a  silly  idiot!  Tell  a  man  to 
his  face  when  you  find  his  wife  breakfasting  with 
Jo  Lacy  out  of  the  season — tell  him  there's  nothing 
in  it ! 

FAN. 

Keep  on  repeating  to  yourself  that  there  is  nothing 
in  it;  [looking  at  SIR  JOSEPH,  who  is  sitting  in  the 
settee]  that  he  really  is  innocent.  You  can  per- 
suade yourself  of  anything,  if  you  only  say  it  often 
enough.3  Now  fix  your  mind  on  his  innocence! 
[Looking  at  SIR  JOSEPH,  zvJio  sits  smoking.]  4 
Hang  it,  Jo,  it's  too  bad !  It's  really  too  bad ! 


SIR  J. 


What  is?5 


Well,  here  is  a  lady's  reputation  in  your  hands; 
here  is  her  husband,  in  a  state  of  jealousy  bordering 
on  madness,  waiting  to  know  if  I  can  offer  any  ex- 
planation on  your  behalf;  here  is  your  uncle  To- 

85 


"  Turns  Ta  v. 
round  to  face 
SirJ. 

*  Going  aver  to 


r ye  croft  sits  by 
desk. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


field;  your  good  friend  Harry;  your  good  friend 
Pyecroft;  and  myself,  all  waiting  to  help  you  out 
of  the  mess,  and  you  sit  there  calmly  smoking — 
hang  it,  Jo,  what  are  you  going  to  do? 

SIR  J. 

My  dear  Fanny,  do  you  think  I  don't  know  the 
recognized  code  of  honor  in  these  cases?  Do  you 
think  I  sha'n't  act  up  to  it?  Do  you  think  I  sha'n't 
fight  to  my  last  breath,  my  last  ha'penny,  my  last 
truth,  my  last  lie  to  save  her?  And  if  that  fails  do 
you  think  I  shall  desert  her?  Lady  Verona's 
reputation  is  in  my  hands,  you  say — will  you  be 
good  enough  to  leave  it  there  ? 


1  Crosses  Miind 
Harry  to  L. 


*  Lower  do  o  r, 
left. 


*  Sir  J.  rises, 
andu'hile  fan. 
stands  griiinl'- 
ling  at  him  he 
delibe  r  ately 
/Cresses  bell  be- 
low fireplace. 

«  Sir  Jose f-h  sits. 
Pyecrof  conies 
ilavii  to  him. 

«  Bell  heard  off 


FAN*. 
Oh,  very  well.     Come  on,  Harry ! * 

TAV. 

Anything  I  can  do — only  too  pleased — but — if  ever 
I — of  all  the — Ta  ta,  Jo — Ta  ta,  Jermyn — I  call  it 
blackguardly — I  know  I  shall  put  my  foot  in  it, 

and 

[Exit  muttering.2 

FAN. 

Pretty  job  I've  got  in  front  of  me — to  go  and  tell 
Hardolph — [Turns  and  looks  disgusted  at  SIR 
JOSEPH.]  3 

[Exit  FANMERE  after  TAVENDER.4 

PVE.B 

My  dear  Joseph,  may  I  offer  you  my  pouncet-box 
in  the  midst  of  this  carnasre? 


SIR  J. 


Certainlv. 


Why  not  go  abroad  and  allow  matters  to  cool  down  ? 
86 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


I  was  dining  with  Sir  Edward  last  night,  and  it 
seems  that  the  governorship  of  our  new  Pacific 
group  is  vacant.  I  know  of  no  person  so  com- 
petent to  govern  Pacific  Islanders  as  yourself.  Shall 
I  call  on  Sir  Edward  and  suggest  you  for  the  post  ? 
Doesn't  that  offer  a  way  out  of  the  difficulty? 

SIR  J. 

I  think  not.  If  I  sneak  away  that  will  be  tanta- 
mount to  acknowledging  the  truth  of  this  slander. 
And  she'll  have  to  stay  and  bear  the  brunt  of  it 
alone.  No,  I  mustn't  run  away ! 

PYE. 

Do  you  think  you'll  serve  her  interests,  her  reputa- 
tion, by  staying  in  England? 

SIR  J. 
I  think  so. 

PYE.      [With  a  little  shrug.] 

Then,  my  dear  Joseph,  adieu.1  I  trust  I  have  done 
all  that  friendship  requires  of  me? 

SiRj. 

[PYECROFT  is  going. 


Yes.    Good-bye/ 


1  Sir  J.  rings 
bell.  Pye.  goes 
L.  c.  Bell  as 
before. 


2  Going  C. 


SIR  J. 

Pyecroft!  [PYECROFT  stops.]  Perhaps  after  all 
you're  right — What  terms  are  you  on  with  Mayne 
since 

PYE. 

Since  the  club  smoking-room?  My  dear  Joseph,  I 
never  allow  any  man  to  be  on  bad  terms  with  me. 
I  framed  a  winsome  apology  to  poor  Hardolph,  and 
I  now  appear  to  him  as  a  beatific  bachelor,  anxious 
only  to  inaugurate  a  millennium  of  conjugal  peace. 
Can  I  be  of  any  service  ? 

87 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


1  Gott  to  door. 


SlRj. 

I  don't  know  how  this  may  turn  out.  It  might  be 
a  friendly  thing  to  me — and  to  her — if  you'd  find 
out  from  Mayne  whether  my  absence  abroad  for 
some  months  would  allow  this  to  blow  over? 

PYE. 

I'll  go  over  to  Saville  Street  and  gently  intimate  the 
same 1 

SIR). 
You  won't  commit  me — or  her — in  any  way? 

PYE. 

Certainly  not.  It  shall  be  the  obvious  suggestion 
of  the  disinterested  bachelor. 

SIR  J. 
Thanks.     And  you'll  let  me  know? 

PYE. 
As  soon  as  I've  seen  him.2 


1 0/>t*s  door and 
ttoft. 


SIR  J. 


Pyecroft.  she's  straight- 


•  Lower    door 
Uft. 


4  Down  R.  c. 


PYE. 

My  dear  Joseph,  the  alternative  is  unthinkable. 

[Exit  PYECROFT.3  TOFIELD  at  window 
makes  a  start  and  on  exclamation  of 
surprise,  comes  doivn  and  glares  at  SIR 
JOSEPH  through  his  spectacles, 

SIR  J. 

Anything  the  matter?  [TOFIELD  stands  glaring  at 
SIR  JOSEPH,  and  points  with  his  thumb  to  the 
window  which  he  has  just  left.  SIR  JOSEPH  goes 
hurriedly  up  to  the  window,  looks  out,  comes  back 
puzzled.*  TOFIELD  remains  speechless,  glaring 
88 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


ferociously  at  SIR  JOSEPH  through  his  spectacles.] 
What  is  it?  What  has  happened?  [TOFIELD 
makes  an  effort  to  speak,  but  remains  speechless.] 
My  dear  uncle,  you  seem  to  be  laboring  under 
some  extraordinary  difficulty.  [TOFIELD  gathers 
up  all  Jiis  forces  for  a  tremendous  e.rplosion.]  Will 
you  please  tell  me  what  has  disturbed  you? 


Lady — just 
door 

Lady?! 


Tor.      [Exploding.] 
stepped    cut    of    cab — entered 

SIR  J. 
TOP. 


your 


Yes.     I  came  here  prepared  to  give  you  my  opinion 

of  your  conduct  in  no  measured  terms. 

SIR  J. 
Proceed,  my  dear  uncle !     Proceed ! 

TOF. 

No,  I  will  forbear  to  tax  my  somewhat  enfeebled 
organs;  I  will  refrain  from  useless  expostula- 
tion  

SIR  J. 

Thank  you,  very  much ! * 

TOF. 

I  will  content  myself  by  stating  that  I  leave  the 
whole  of  my  late  wife's  fortune  to  moral  and  phil- 
anthropic institutions.  And  I  have  now  the  satis- 
faction of  wishing  you  a  final  adieu. 

SIR  J. 

Good-day,  my  dear  uncle.     Good-day. 

[Rings  bell.2     TCFIELD  goes  up  to  desk  to 
get  his  hat,  which  he  has  left  there.    In 
coming  back  he  kicks  against  LADY  VE- 
89 


1  Bell  at 


ACT    II 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


*  Sir  J.  placet  hii 
i  ifur  OH  ask 
tr,iy  K. 

1  L  fiver  doer 


1  /'  utt  ing  tier 
kead  round 
tipper  door 


*  She  niters  and 
got -i  down  K.  c. 


4  Goes  derail    to 
her. 


'  Crosses  kim  to 


RONA'S  glove  at  corner  of  desk.  He 
stoops,  picks  it  up,  handles  it  very  gin- 
gerly, looks  at  it  rery  suspiciously.  As 
he  does  so  the  handle  of  the  upper  door, 
left,  is  turned,  the  door  opens,  LADY 
VERONA  just  puts  her  head  in,  catches 
sight  of  TOFIELD,  titters  a  little  scream, 
withdraws,  and  closes  door.  SIR  JO- 
SEPH shows  surprise  and  confusion." 
To  FIELD  grows  redder  and  more  angry, 
and  goes  off  1  SIR  JOSEPH  watches  him 
off,  then  goes  to  upper  door  left,  opens 
it. 


Are  you  alone? 
Yes.3 


LADY  V.2 
SIR  J. 


SIR  J. 

I'm  delighted  you've  come,  but  aren't  you  fearfully 
imprudent  ?  4 

LADY  V. 

Yes — I  can't  help  that.     I  asked  your  man  to  show 
me  in  there  till  they'd  gone. 

SIR  J. 

You  haven't — left  Hardolph? 
LADY  V. 
Xo — though  I  think  he  means  to  drive  me  to  it. 

SIR  J. 

Ah!  [Approaching  her. 

LADY  V. 

No!B  please  don't  be  foolish.     [Looks  round  rery 
nervously.]     You're  quite  sure  we're  alone? 

SIR  J. 

Yes — don't  be  afraid.     Tell  me  what  has  brought 
you  here. 

90 


SO.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT    II 


1  Sits  R. 
L.  C. 


LADY  V. 

I  couldn't  bear  the  suspense  any  longer.  I've  had 
two  awful  days.1  I  felt  I  must  throw  myself  6ver 
the  precipice  rather  than  endure  another  hour's  tor- 
ture. Why  haven't  you  answered  my  letters? 

SIR  J. 
Letters  ? 

LADY  V. 
I've  written  you  twice  since  this  happened. 

SIR  J. 

The  last  letter  I  had  from  you  reached  me  at  Milan 
a  fortnight  ago.  [Drawing  it  front  Jiis  pocket.] 
I  answered  it  at  once. 

LADY  V. 

You  didn't  get  a  letter  yesterday,  and  the  night  be- 
fore? 

SIR  J. 
Not  a  scrap. 

LADY  V. 

[Frightened.]  Then2  what  has  become  of  them? 
If  they  should  have  fallen  into  my  husband's  hands ! 
Oh! 

SIR  J. 
What  did  you  say  in  the  letters  ? 

LADY  V. 
I  can't  quite  remember.    I'm  trying  to  think 

SIR  J. 
Were  they — very  tender? 

LADY  V. 

Tender !  No !  3  How  can  you  suppose  I  should 
write  anything  tender  to  you — especially  just  now? 


K  is  e s     and 
cresses  to  R. 


*  Lady     V.   sits 
on  settee  R. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


SC.  I 


SIR  J. 

Then  why  should  it  matter  if  they  fell  into  your 
husband's  hands? 

LADY  V. 

Because — because  I  appealed  to  you  to  come  and 
save  me 

SIR  J. 

[Approaching  her  tenderly. 


Ah! 


1  Takes  her 
ftdiui  which  is 
re  sting  on  arm 
of  settee. 


*  Sifs  on  arm  of 
tftlff. 


LADY  V. 


No — no,  do  keep  away  from  me,  please.  And  my 
letters  might  be  taken  for  the  appeal  of  a  guilty 
woman — Oh ! 

SIR  J. 

Don't  be  alarmed!  You  know  that  I'm  entirely  at 
your  service.  [Again  approaching  her  very  l  ten- 
derly.] Tell  me  what  you  wish  me  to  do! 

LADY  V. 

I  wish  you  not  to  make  love  to  me.  That  was  Pro- 
fessor Tofield  who  left  here  just  now? 


Yes. 


SIR  J. 


LADY  V. 

He's  a  friend  of  my  husband.  We  dine  with  him 
to-morrow  night — if  ever  we  dine  with  anybody 
any  more. 

SIR  J. 

I  wouldn't  fret  about  losing  the  Professor's  dinner 
his  acquaintance.2 


LADY  V. 

I  don't.     But  as  I  was  getting  out  of  the  cab  just 
now  Mr.  Jermyn  Pyecroft  was  coming  out  of  the 
door — of  course  my  first  impulse  was  not  to  see 
92 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


him ;  well  he  saw  through  that,  and  then  of  course  I 
had  to  recognize  him  and  bow;  then  my  next  im- 
pulse was  to  pretend  that  I  was  going  to  Lady 
George's  next  door — well  he  saw  through  that  too; 
so  I  had  to  face  it  out  and  come  in  here,  and  I  know 
I  looked  quite  guilty :  that's  the  worst  of  this ;  I  be- 
gin to  feel  quite  guilty — and  of  course  Pyecroft 

thinks 

SIR  J.° 

I  wouldn't  fret  about  Pyecroft.  He's  a  man  of  the 
world,  and  he's  used  to  this  sort  of  thing. 


0  Rising. 


LADY  V. 

Used  to  what  sort  of  thing?!  I'm  not  used  to  it 
[Suddenly  bursting  into  reproaches.']  Oh,  you 
have  placed  me  in  a  terrible  position.  Terrible! 
Terrible !  Terrible ! 

SIR.  J.     [Again  approaching  her  very  tenderly.']  1 

I  can't  tell  you  how  sorry  I  am.  But  I'm  glad 
you've  come  to  me  in  your  distress.  [Getting  very 
tender.]  You  may  be  quite  sure  that  whatever  hap- 
pens I  shall  stick  to  you  through 

LADY  V.     [Repulsing  him.] 

No !  no !  That's  just  what  I  don't  want  you  to  do, 
unless — unless 

SIR  J. 
Unless  what? 

LADY  V. 

Well,  of  course  if  things  come  to  the  worst,  then  it 
would  be  very  kind  of  you  to 

SIR  J.     [Trying  to  clasp  her.] 
You  may  be  sure  I  will. 

LADY  V.     [Repulsing  him.] 

No !     No !     You  are  not  to  make  love  to  me 

93 


1  Leaning    over 
back  of  settee. 


ACT  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


SIR  J. 

I  won't  [Again  approaching  her  very  tenderly.] 
But  come  now,  Vee,  put  yourself  entirely  in  my 

hands 

LADY  V. 
But  you  are  making  love  to  me 

SIR  J. 

No,  no,  I'm  not.  I  assure  you  I'm  not.  Tell  me, 
how  can  I  put  things  right? 

LADY  V. 

Well,  how  can  you?  [Again  looks  at  him  and 
bursts  out  again  into  reproaches.]  1  Why  did  you 
ask  Knapman  to  put  you  up  for  the  night?  Why 
didn't  you  go  to  a  club,  or  to  an  hotel,  or  anywhere, 
rather  than  come  and  stay  in  the  very  house  where 
I  was  ?  2 

SIR  J. 

It  was  senseless  of  me.3  I  deserve  to  be  whipped. 
But  why  didn't  you  tell  Hardolph  all  about  it  ?  You 
promised  you  would. 

LADY  V. 
I  promised  I  would  at  the  first  suitable  opportunity. 


1  Rises,  crosses  to 
*/  c.  Sir  J. 
remains  by 
tack  of  seat. 


*  Conies  down  c. 
and  leans  o-.-rr 
tack  of  chair 
R.  of  table  L.  c. 

'  Moves  C  to  her. 


4  Sits  in  chair  fy 
table. 


'  Lady  V.  rises 
crosses  to  R.  C. 
and  stands  be- 
hind settee. 


SIR  J. 
Well? 

LADY  V. 
Well,  I  never  got  a  suitable  opportunity.4 

SIR  J.     [Drawing  letter  from  pocket.] 

But  you  say  in  this  letter  [reading]  :  "  Hardolph, 
like  a  dear  good  sensible  husband  has  said  nothing 
further  about  it." 

LADY  V.5 

Well,  that's  quite  true.     If  he  didn't  know  any- 
94 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


ACT  II 


thing  about  it  he  couldn't  say  anything  about  it. 
Could  he? 

SIR.  J.1 
Then  you  never  told  him  ?  2 

LADY  V. 

Oh,  please  don't  you  begin  to  reproach  me!     It  was 
quite  impossible  for  me  to  tell  him. 


Why? 


SIR  J. 


LADY  V. 


Well — you  know  I  told  you  that  I  always  keep  a 
birch  rod  for  Hardolph  when  he's  impossible. 

SIR  J. 
Yes — well  ? 

LADY  V. 
You  are  my  birch  rod.     [SiR  J.  is  much  puzzled.] 

SIR  J. 


I  don't  understand. 


LADY  V. 


It's  pretty  generally  known  that — well,  that  you 
have  been  devotedly  attached  to  me  for  a  long 
while. 

SIR  J.     [Again  approaching  her  very  tenderly.] 
That's  true! 

LADY  V.     [Again  putting  him  away.] 

Well,  you  can't  blame  a  woman  if  she  takes  ad- 
vantage of  a  thing  like  that? 

SIR  J. 
How? 

LADY  V. 

Whenever  Hardolph  has  been  unusually  horrid  I've 

95 


1  Putting  letter 
back  in  pocket. 

*  In  a  tone  of  re- 
proach, goes 
up  a  step. 


ACT  II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


always  told  him  that  if  he  didn't  appreciate  me,  you 
did. 

SIR  ].     [Goes  to  her  quickly.] 
Quite  true!     [Delighted.]     Serve  him  right ! 

LADY  V. 

And  just  before  I  left  for  Oxfordshire  we  had  a 
very  great  tiff,  and  he  became  so  utterly  unbearable 
that  at  last  I  lost  my  temper  and  told  him  you  were 
dying  to  take  me  off  his  hands ! 

SIR  J.  overjoyed. 

What?  Well,  of  course  that  settles  the  whole 
matter.1 

[Attempting  to  embrace  her.] 


1  Going    to  her 

L. 


LADY  V. 
No,  no,  I  didn't  mean  it — 

SIR  J. 

But  you  must  mean  it.  Try  to  realize  your  posi- 
tion, dear.  Through  no  fault  of  yours  and  mine 
everybody  believes  us  guilty.  Whatever  I  do,  what- 
ever I  say,  even  if  you  pacify  Hardolph,  there  will 
always  be  a  suspicion  attaching  to  us 

LADY  V. 
Oh,  don't  say  that !     It's  horrible! 

SIR  J. 

Would  it  be  so  very  horrible  to  trust  your  life  to- 
the  care  of  the  man  who  has  always  loved  you,  who 
never  loved  you  so  devotedly  as  now 

LADY  V. 

Oh  I  couldn't !  I  couldn't !  Jo,  you  must  do  some- 
thing! 

96 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT   II 


SIR  J. 

What?  All  the  afternoon  I've  been  trying  to  de- 
fend you — I've  given  my  word  of  honor,  my  oath 
— they  wouldn't  believe  me.  But  while  they  were 
buzzing  round  me  with  their  little  sneers,  I  kept  on 
thinking,  I  kept  on  hoping — yes,  I  do  hope  it !  I'm 
glad  of  it !  I  kept  on  saying  to  myself,  "  Suppose 
I  can't  prove  her  innocent.  Suppose  she  must  come 
to  me !  Suppose  I  can't  save  her !  "  1 

LADY  V.2 

Jo,  you  don't  want  to  save  me!  You  don't  mean 
to  save  me ! 

SIR  J. 

You  shouldn't  say  that.  Tell  me  what  you  would 
do  if  you  were  in  my  place? 

LADY  V.     [Desperate.} 

Oh,  I  don't  know !  3  If  I  were  a  man  I  would  find 
out  some  way  to  save  the  woman  I  loved !  4 

[Bursts  into  tears.'] 


1  Gets  nearer  to 
her. 


2  Rises. 


3  Goes  up  c.   to 
desk. 

4  Dr ops   into 

chair  by  desk. 


SIR  J.     [Looks  at  her  a  moment,  then  goes  to  her, 
takes  her  hand  away 'from  her  face.] 

Vee,  dear!  I  will  try!  I'll  be  perfectly  loyal  to 
you.  Believe  me  I  will !  On  my  honor,  on  my 
love  for  you,  the  only  thing  left  that's  sacred  to 
me,  I'll  do  something — everything  that  can  be  done ! 
I'll  leave  no  stone  unturned.  Trust  me. 

LADY  V. 
Thank  you,5  thank  you  with  all  my  heart.6 

SIR  J. 

Now  let's  set  to  work.     What's  Hardolph  doing? 
LADY  V. 

Threatening  all  sorts  of  things — threatening  to  kill 
you,  threatening  to  kill  me. 

97 


«  Rises. 

8  He  brings  her 
dmvn  c. on  her 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


SIR  J. 
What? 

LADY  V. 

Don't  be  alarmed,  of  course  he  doesn't  mean  it — 
threatening  to  go  to  Cattermoul 

SIR  J. 
Does  he  know  you've  come  here  ? 

LADY  V. 
No.     I've  not  seen  him  since  last  evening. 

SIR  J. 

You  must  go  back  to  him,  tell  him  you've  been  here 
to  see  me,  and  say  that  I'm  coming  on  to  give  him 
a  clear  and  truthful  account  of  the  whole  affair. 

LADY  V. 
Will  that  be  the  best  thing  to  do? 

SIR  J. 
It's  the  only  thing  to  do,  at  present. 

LADY  V. 
But  he's  in  a  terrible  state — or  he  was  last  evening. 

SIR  J. 
1  Gcn9"  You  mustn't  be  afraid  of  him l 

LADY  V. 


*  Rings  bell  and 
comet  c.  Bell 
at  before. 


*SirJ.takether 


I  won't 

SIR  J. 
I'll  put  you  in  a  cab — 

LADY  V. 
No — let  your  man  see  me  to  the  door — Oh! 

SIR  J.3 

Courage — courage. 
98 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


ACT  II 


Enter  STADDON/  with  tivo  letters  on  tray.2 

STAD. 

I  beg  pardon,  Sir  Joseph,  these  letters  arrived  yes- 
terday before  your  return.  Mrs.  Trabb  happened 
to  take  them  in  downstairs  and  they  got  behind 
some  things  on  her  dresser.  She  hopes  you'll  ex- 
cuse her 

SIR  J.     [Has  taken  letters.] 
Your  two  missing  letters — 


LADY  V.3 

I'm   glad   they're  safe.     Yes,  give  them  to  me — 
there's  nothing  in  them.      [He  gives  her  the  let- 
ters.4   She  puts  them  in  her  pocket. 

SIR  J. 
The  door,  Staddon,  and  my  hat  and  gloves. 

[Exit  STADDON.5 

LADY  V. 

You    think    I'd    better    see    Hardolph    before    you 
come  ? 

SIR  J. 

By  all  means.     Whatever  you  do,  don't  seem  afraid 
of  him. 

LADY  V. 

I'm  not — only 

SIR  J. 
Be  perfectly  calm  and  courageous. 

LADY  V. 

I  will — only,  dear  man,  he'll  need  some  handling! 

[With  a  little  shiver.] 

SIR  J. 

Well   then,   handle  him,   dear   man,   handle   him ! 

99 


1  Lower  door, 
left. 

*  Comes  to  I.,  c. 
Lady  V.  goes 
vp  c.  Sir  J. 
moves  c.  to 
Staddon. 


3  Coming  down 
R.  c.  and  hold- 
ing out  her 
hand  for  them. 


*  After  a  mo- 
menfs  hesita- 
tion. 


5  L  owe  r    door 
left. 


ACT   II 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


SC.  I 


[Taking  her  hand.}  Handle  him  very  delicately 
and  firmly.  Perhaps  a  little  good-natured  chaff? 
Eh? 

LADY  V. 
Chaff? 

SIR  J. 
Yes — chaff  him  out  of  it. 

LADY  V.     [Dubiously.'] 

I'll  try— but— 

SIR  J. 
I'll  come  on  and  help  you. 

LADY  V. 
You  won't  be  long? 

SIR  J. 
I'll  be  round  in  half  an  hour. 

LADY  V. 
Jo,  I  trust  you  thoroughly. 

SIR  J. 
You  may. 

LADY  V. 
[Going  off.~\     In  half  an  hour? 

SIR  J. 
In  half  an  hour! 


QUICK  CURTAIN. 


TOO 


ACT  III. 

SCENE. — The  back  drawing-room  at  MR.  HAR- 
DOLPH  MAYNE'S,  Saville  Street.  A  hand- 
somely furnished  room  in  the  same  house  as 
Act  I.  On  the  left  a  large  -fireplace  with  fire 
burning.  On  the  back  up  right  a  door.  Along 
left  at  back  velvet  shutting  off  the  front  draw- 
ing-room. A  small  space  of  wall  between  the 
door  and  curtains. 

Discover  HARDOLPH  MAYNE  pacing  up  and 
dozvn  the  room.  KNAPMAN  and  MRS.  KNAP- 
MAN  are  standing  in  a  constrained,  uncomfort- 
able attitude.1 

MAYNE. 

Now  I  ask  you  once  more — You  heard  me  tell  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Tavender  that  I'd  telegraphed  to  her  lady- 
ship to  come  up  from  Oxfordshire  and  lunch  with 
me  that  day? 

KNAP. 

I  believe  you  did  mention  something  about  it,  sir — 
eh,  Eliza? 

MAYNE. 

Then  why  didn't  you  tell  me  that  her  ladyship  was 
in  town,  and  that  she  had  stayed  the  night  here? 
[Pause.]  Why  don't  you  answer  me? 

KNAP. 

Well  sir,  I've  been  with  you  now  over  four  years, 

and  I  hope  I've  always  given  satisfaction 

101 


1  Mrs.  K.  R.  c. 
Knapman 
Mayne  at  fire- 
place. 


ACT   III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


MAYNE.     [With  an  impatient  gesture.] 

Why  didn't  you  tell  me  that  her  ladyship  had  left 
the  house  only  a  few  minutes  before? 

KNAP.     [Very  uncomfortable.'} 
Well [Appeals  to  MRS.  KNAPMAN.]     Eliza — 

MRS.  K. 
Your  memory  again,  Knapman. 

KNAP. 
That's  the  only  way  I  can  account  for  it 

MAYNE. 

You  tell  me  that Now,  for  the  last  time,  will 

you  tell  me  the  truth,  or  must  I  send  for  Mr.  Cat- 
termoul  to  get  it  out  of  you?  [Pause.']  Which  is 
it  to  be? 

KNAP. 

Well,  sir,  I  put  it  to  you,  supposing  you  had  been 
placed  in  our  circumstances 


MAYNE. 
What  circumstances? 

KNAP. 

The  circumstances  in  which  we  then  found  our- 
selves placed. 

MAYNE. 

But [Frantic  gesture,  calms  himself.]     Will 

you  tell  me  what  the  circumstances  were? 

KNAP. 

Well,  sir,  on  the  one  hand  there  was  yourself,  sir, 
and  your  hr.ppiness  and  all  the  consequences  that 

were  entailed 

1 02 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


Go  on — well? 


MAYNE. 
KNAP. 


On  the  other  hand  there  was  her  ladyship  and  her 
ladyship's  family  and  position 


Well?     Well? 


MAYNE. 


KNAP. 


On  the  third  hand  there  was  Sir  Joseph ;  and  having 
lived  in  his  family  for  fifteen  years  [an  angry  ges- 
ture from  MAYNE] — not  that  I  wish  to  defend  him 
in  the  least,  sir.  Eliza  knows,  and  Heaven  knows, 
that  if  I'd  had  the  least  suspicion  anything  was 
wrong 

MAYNE.     [Maddened.] 
What  do  you  mean? 

KNAP. 

Well,  sir,  as  I  say,  on  the  one  hand  there  was  your- 
self and  my  duty  towards  you;  on  the  other  hand 
there  was  her  ladyship  and  Sir  Joseph,  and  all  I 
can  assure  you,  sir,  is  that  I  was  actuated  solely  by 
a  desire  to  spare  your  feelings 

MAYNE.     [Angrily.'] 

My  feelings !  What  business  have  you  to  consider 
my  feelings? 

KNAP. 

Well,  sir,  I  did  consider  them.  I  hope  I  was  right 
in  so  doing.  I  talked  it  over  with  Mrs.  Knap- 
man [Glancing  at  MRS.  KNAPMAN. 

MAYNE. 
Talked  what  over? 

KNAP. 

What  we've  now  been  talking  about,  sir. 

103 


ACT  III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


1  Mrt.  A",  cros- 
ttt  to  c. 


MAYNE. 

Mrs.  Knapman,  will  you  please  tell  me  what  you 
know  about  this  ?  x 

MRS.  K. 

Oh,  if  you  please,  sir,  I'd  rather  not  mention  any- 
thing that  would  perpetrate  against  her  ladyship; 
a  better  or  kinder  mistress  never  lived,  though  liable 
to  the  temptation  of  her  sect,  the  same  as  all  of 
us 

MAYNE. 

Will  you  answer  my  question  ?  When  her  ladyship 
arrived  in  town  what  did  she  say  to  you  ? 

MRS.  K.     \With  slow,  constrained  manner  as  of  an 
unwilling  witness.'] 

After  Lady  Joyce  had  gone,  her  ladyship  said,  "  I 
shall  want  some  breakfast  in  the  morning." 


*  Fur  iota  g  e  t- 
ture. 


What  did  you  say  ? 


MAYNE. 


MRS.  K. 


1  Movtt  down 
L.  c. 


•  Mayne  (urns  to 
ktr. 


I  said,  "  Yes,  my  lady.  Would  you  prefer  a  sole 
or  ham  and  eggs " — oh  sir,  she's  more  sinned 
against  than  sinning. 

MAYNE.2 

Will  you  please  tell  me  what  her  ladyship  said? 

MRS.  K. 
She  said,  "  A  sole  will  do,"  or  words  to  that  effect. 

MAYNE.S 
What  else? 

MRS.  K. 

Well,  sir,  when  her  ladyship  asked  me  not  to  men- 
tion that  she  was  in  town 4 

104 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


MAYNE. 

Her  ladyship  asked  you  not  to  mention  she  was  in 
town!     Why  didn't  you  tell  me  that  before? 

MRS.  K. 

Well,  sir,  Knapman  and  me  thought  it  wouldn't  be 
judicious. 

MAYNE. 
Judicious ! — Good  heaven ! 

MRS.  K. 

And  also  Mr.  Tavender  advised  us  to  say  nothing 
about  it. 

MAYNE. 
Mr.  Tavender  advised  you 


Enter  FOOTMAN  at  door.1 

FOOTMAN. 

If  you  please,  sir,  Mr.  Fanmere  and  Mr.  Tavender 
are  here.     I've  shown  them  into  the  drawing-room. 

[Indicating  curtains. 

FANMERE  enters  through  curtains,  followed  by 
TAVENDER. 

FAN.2 

My  dear  Hardolph,  we  were  shown  into  the  next 
room,  and  we  couldn't  help  overhearing 

TAV. 

[Who  has  followed  FANMERE.] 
How  d'ye  do,  Hardolph  ?  3 

MAYNE. 

Harry,   did   you   advise   my   servants   to — to   say 
nothing  about  this  business? 

105 


1  The  Knapmans 
move  a  little 
to  K.  c. 


2  The  footman 
exit  R.  The 
Knapmans  get 


3  Comes  dmvn  c. 
cautiously  and 
fearfully. 


ACT   III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


** 


1  She  goes  «/  to 
door  R.  _/<?/- 
lowed  by 
Knapntan. 


•  Fan.  and  Tav. 
come  down  c. 


•  Crouet  to  R. 


Wliat  ? 


TAV. 
dear  Hardolph  ! 

MRS.  K. 


Oh  sir,  I  asked  you  that  very  morning  whether 
Knapman  and  me  ought  to  hold  our  tongues,  and 
you  said  "  Certainly  -  " 

TAV. 

Well,  of  all  the  infernal  —  what  next  in  the  name  of 
all  that's  —  well  —  I  - 

MRS.  K. 

Oh  sir,  don't  go  back  on  her  poor  ladyship  now  she's 
in  misfortune.  I  can  testify  anywhere,  before  any- 
body - 

MAYNE.     [Interrupting.] 

Yes  —  yes.  [Waves  the  KNAPMANS  to  go  off.]  I'll 
see  you  both  later. 

MRS.  K. 

I  can  testify  anywhere  that  Knapman  and  me  have 
said  nothing  but  what  was  truthful  —  under  the  cir- 
cumstances.2 [Exit* 

KNAP. 

I  trust  I've  always  done  my  duty  to  the  family,  and 
I  trust  -I  always  shall.  [Exit.4 

TAV. 

That's  a  pretty  lying  couple  you've  got  there,  Har- 
dolph - 

MAYNE.5 

Yes,  I've  got  a  pretty  set  of  friends  and  servants 
altogether,  haven't  I  ?  8 

TAV. 

You  don't  believe  what  that  woman  says  about  my 
telling  her  to  hold  her  tongue  ! 
106 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


MAYNE. 

I  believe  nothing !  I  believe  nobody !  You  all  saw 
this  thing  going  on,  and  not  one  of  you  had  the 
courage  and  the  kindness  to  give  me  a  hint,  and 
open  my  eyes!  And  you  call  yourselves  my 
friends ! 

FAN. 

I've  been  trying  all  the  afternoon  to  get  at  the 
truth 

MAYNE. 
Truth!1 

FAN.     [With  a  soothing  gesture.] 

Now,  my  dear  Hardolph,  if  you'll  only  be  calm  and 
listen  to  what  I  have  to  say 2 


MAYNE. 
Well — go  on — have  you  got  at  the  truth  ?  3 

FAN. 

Well,   I  hope  so.     I've  questioned  Jo  Lacy  very 
closely  and 

MAYNE. 
Well? 

FAN. 

I  was  watching  him  all  the  while,  Harry  was  watch- 
ing him,  too 

[Appealing  to  TAVENDER  4  to  back  him  up; 
TAVENDER  gets  more  and  more  uncom- 
fortable. 


Yes?  Yes?  Yes? 


MAYNE. 


FAN. 


Now,  my  dear  Hardolph,  you  know  you  aren't  quite 

in  a  fit  state  to  judge  of  this,  you're  too  excited 

107 


1  Goes  up  R. 


J  Fa  n .  follows 
Mayne  up  a 
little. 


They         come 
down    R.   C. 


4  Tavendtr  is  c. 


ACT  III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


1  Tav.  nods  ap- 
provingly. 


1  GotttUnvn  R. 


MAYNE. 
Tell  me  what  you  have  found  out! 

FAN. 

Well,  from  Jo  Lacy's  manner,  after  a — after  a  good 
deal  of  thinking  it  over — Harry  and  I  have  come  to 
the  conclusion  that  the  whole  thing  is  a  mistake ;  * 
and  there's  absolutely  nothing  in  it. 

MAYNE. 
What  questions  did  you  put?     What  does  he  say? 

FAN. 
He  gives  you  his  word  of  honor 

MAYNE. 

His  word  of  honor!  2 — what  the  devil  do  I  care  for 
his  word  of  honor? 

FAN. 

Now,  my  dear  Hardolph 

[Trying  to  soothe  him. 

MAYNE. 

Will  nobody  give  me  a  plain  answer?  Will  nobody 
tell  me  to  my  face  what  a  fool  I've  been  ?  3  Harry, 
how  long  has  this  been  going  on?  How  long  have 
you  known  of  it? 

TAV. 

My  dear  boy 

MAYNE. 

Will  you  have  the  kindness  to  tell  me  exactly  what 
you  saw  that  morning? 

TAV.     [Lamely.] 

My  dear  boy,  I  assure  you 

MAYNE.     [Makes  an  impatient  gesture.] 

No — no — tell  me  what  you  saw ! 
1 08 


1  Cresting        c. 

to    Tavender. 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


TAV. 

Nothing,  my  dear  boy !  nothing  at  all !  Cissy  and 
I  came  into  the  morning-room  downstairs ;  Jo  Lacy 
and  Vee  happened  to  be  there 


At  breakfast  ? 


MAYNE. 


TAV. 


Yes — [Getting  more  and  more  uncomfortable — 
FANMERE  encourages  him  by  signs.]  Yes — I  be- 
lieve they  were  at  breakfast — and  upon  my  word, 
Hardolph,  I  assure  you,  my  dear  fellow 

MAYNE. 
"  You  assure  me" — what? 

TAV. 

Well — a — [Encouraged  by  signs  from  FANMERE, 
makes  a  bold  plunge.]  Judging  from  Jo  Lacy's 
and  Vee's  manner,  it  struck  me  as  a  perfectly 
natural  innocent  sort  of  thing,  you  know. 

MAYNE. 

What  struck  you  as  a  perfectly  natural  innocent  sort 
of  thing? 

TAV.     [Getting  still  further  out  of  his  depth.] 

Well — a — the  whole  affair.  I  said  so  to  Cissy  at 
the  time. 

MAYNE. 
AVhat  did  you  say  to  Cissy? 

TAV.     [Getting  more  and  more  uncomfortable.] 

I  said  Jo  and  Vee  seem  to  be — a — getting  on — a — 
very  comfortably 


MAYNE. 


What?! 


109 


ACT  III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


TAV. 

I  can't  give  you  the  exact  words,  but  I  said — Jo  and 
Vee  happen  to  have  run  up  against  each  other — out 
of  the  season — "  Very  natural  thing,"  I  said ;  and 
Cissy  said,  "  Oh,  quite  natural  ";  and  I  said,  "  You 
can  tell  from  their  manner  there's  nothing  in  it," 
and  Cissy  said,  "  Yes,  if  it  weren't  for  their  manner 
I  should  have  thought  it  rather  a  curious  coincid- 
ence  " 


1  Mayne  glares 
at  Tavender 
'Mho  nodi  and 
smiles  in  a 
feeble  sickly 
way. 


1  Looking  to 
Fanmerr  to 
helf>  hint  out 
of  it. 


4  Goes  uf  c. 

'  Going  »/  R.  c. 
to  fifayne. 


*Fan.  and 

Mayne  come 

down  c.    to- 
getktr. 


Curious  coincidence ! 


MAYNE. 


TAV. 


Yes,  and  I  said,  "  Oh  no,  oh  no,  it's — it's  perfectly 
natural  and  innocent."  1 

MAYNE. 

That  Jo  Lacy  and  my  wife  should  arrive  at  my 
house  late  one  night,  and  that  they  should  be  break- 
fasting tete-a-tete  the  next  morning.  That  struck 
you  as  a  perfectly  natural  and  innocent  sort  of  thing, 
eh? 

TAV.     [Most  uncomfortable.] 
Yes — a — nothing  extraordinary — eh  Fanny?2 

FAN.3 

You  mustn't  judge  by  appearances 

MAYNE. 

No,  nor  by  facts !  Nor  by  what  everybody  knows ! 
Nor  by  what  I  know  myself!  Nor  by  what  I  see 
with  my  own  eyes ! 4 

FAN.5 

Well,  Harry  and  I  were  very  much  impressed  by  Jo 
Lacy's  manner  this  afternoon,  weren't  we,  Harry?* 


TAV. 


Yes- 


110 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


MAYNE. 
You  thought  he  was  innocent? 

TAV. 
Struck  me  so,  I  assure  you. 

MAYNE. 
You  thought  he  and  Lady  Verona  were  innocent 

TAV. 


that  morning? 


Yes. 


MAYNE. 


Then  why  have  you  gone  about  repeating  this  in 
club  smoking-rooms,  to  men  like  Pyecroft  and  his 
set — repeating  it  as  if  they  were  guilty? 


TAV. 


Eh?  well- 


MAYNE. 

Give  me  your  word  of  honor,  when  you  found  them 
that  morning  you  believed  them  to  be  innocent. 
[Pause.]  Why  don't  you  speak? 


TAV. 


Well— I- 


MAYNE. 

Your  sacred  word  of  honor  as  a  gentleman,  you  be- 
lieved them  to  be  innocent. 

TAV.     [Drawing  back.'] 

Well,  of  course  that  was  my  impression.     I  may 
have  been  mistaken. 

MAYNE. 

Ah!     [To  FANMERE.]     You  see  I1 
FAN. 

All  the  same,  my  dear  Hardolph 2 

in 


1  Crosses     dawn 
R. 


2  Goes  to  May**. 


ACT   III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  r 


MAYNE. 
All  the  same,  I  mean  to  be  fooled  no  longer. 

[Scats  himself  down   to  writing-table,1   be- 
gins to  write  hurriedly.2 

FAN. 
What  are  you  going  to  do?  3 


*  fan,  and  Tat', 
exchange 
look*. 


8  Tav.  comes  to 
C. 


•  fan.  beckons  to 
Tav.  T  a  v. 
co  nut  x.  c. 


*  Tav.  nudges 
Fan.  to  say 
something. 


*  A  fay  ne  says  ft  is 
last  line  short 
and  snappy  as 
if  he  intended 
it  as  a  snub  to 
Fan.  and  for 
the  latter  to  go 
away. 


1  Mo-.<  tug  nt 
while  speak- 
ing. 

9  X  is  tt  a  n  if 

crosses  to  i.. 
wit  A  it.  frft- 
sts  electric  but- 
ton btloxo  fire- 
place ami  then 
reads  letter 
and  places  it 
on  envelope 
and  seals  it. 


MAYNE. 

I'm  writing  to  Cattermoul  to  come  and  take  my  in- 
structions, and  begin  an  action.4 

TAV. 

I  shouldn't  rush  it  if  I  were  you.     [Pause.]     Can't 

anything  be  done  ? 

• 
MAYNE. 

Nothing.     [Continues  writing.]     Good-day.5 

FAN. 

I'll  come  in  again  to-night  or  to-morrow.  I  hope 
you'll  think  better  of  it.  [MAYNE  shakes  his  head.] 
Where  is  Vee? 


I  don't  know.0 


Come  along,  Harry- 


MAYNE. 


FAN. 


[Pausing  at  door — (shrugs  his  shoulders} 
goes  off  quickly. 

TAV. 

Well,  tata  for  the  present,  Hardolph.  7  I  shouldn't 
rush  it,  you  know !  Hope  it  will  turn  out  all  right. 
Anything  I  can  do — anything  in  this  world — only 
too  happy — Tata ! 

[Exit  at  door  after  FANMERE.     MAYNE  8 
has  finished  letter,  and  addressed  it. 
112 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


Enter  KNAPMAN.° 

MAYNE.1 

You  will  take  this  letter  to  Mr.  Cattermoul  in  Bed- 
ford Row,  and  wait  for  an  answer. 

KNAP. 

Yes,  sir.  [Takes  letter,  goes  towards  door,  stops.'] 
I  wish  to  say,  sir,  that  all  through  this  painful  catas- 
trophe, Mrs.  Knapman  and  I  have  acted 


MAYNE.     [Impatiently.'] 


Yes,  yes- 


KNAP. 

Have  acted  in  accordance  with  your  happiness,  sir, 
and  the  best  interests  of  all  the  parties  concerned. 

MAYNE. 

Yes,  yes ;  take  that  letter. 

[KNAPMAN  goes  to  door.     MAYNE  stands 


Knapman ! 2 


a  moment  in  indecision — then  calls. 
MAYNE. 

MAYNE. 


Give  me  that  letter.  I  have  omitted  something. 
[Taking  letter  from  KNAPMAN.S  KNAPMAN  is 
going.]  Knapman,  is  her  ladyship  still  in  her 


room  r 


No,  sir.  Her  ladyship  went  out  about  an  hour  ago. 
Mrs.  Knapman  happened  to  observe  that  her  lady- 
ship called  a  hansom  off  the  rank. 

[Exit  KNAPMAN.5  MAYNE  stands  letter  in 
hand  tortured  ivitli  indecision  for  a  mo- 
ment or  two. 

FOOTMAN  enters  through  curtains  at  back.G 


*  Bell  rings  off*. 
1  At  fire. 


2  K  H  a  p  >«  a  tt 
comes  down  c. 
with  letter. 


3  Crosses  to  desk 


*  Goes  w/  R. 


0  At  door. 


'  Comes  R.  c. 


ACT  III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


FOOTMAN. 
Mr.  Pyecroft  is  in  the  drawing-room,  sir. 

MAYNE, 
Show  him  in  here. 

FOOTMAN.0 

Will  you  step  this  way,  sir? 

PYECROFT  enters  through  curtains  at  back,  FOOT- 
MAN announces  "  Mr.  Pyecroft." 

[Exit   FOOTMAN.1] 
PYECROFT.2 

My  dear  Hardolph — [shaking  hands]  forgive  my 
intruding.  I  hope  all  domestic — ripples  shall  I  call 
them — have  subsided  ? 


•  Gati  to  L.  tide 

cfturtaitu. 


1  Through    cur- 
tains. 

1  Coining   down 

K  .  C. 


4  Bratinf  the 
Utter  in  hit 
hand  against 
I  he  other 
hand. 


No.4 


MAYNE.3 


PYE. 


You  surely  haven't  taken  any  serious  notice  of  my 
foolish  babble? 

MAYNE. 

Yes.  I've  made  further  inquiries;  your  foolish 
babble  as  you  call  it  has  been  confirmed,  fully  con- 
firmed. 

PYE. 
I'm  sorry. 

MAYNE. 

So  I  have  no  option  but  to  carry  the  thing  through 
to  the  end. 

PYE. 
Is  that  necessary  ? 

MAYNE. 

You  don't  expect  me  to  sit  down  calmly  and  see  my 
honor  dragged  through  the  dirt  ?  Is  that  what  you 
advise? 

114 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


PYE. 

I  never  advise  in  these  affairs.  I  am  a  mere  spec- 
tator of  our  very  imperfect  system  of  monogamy; 
I  look  on  with  no  prejudices,  no  principles,  and  I 
am  thankful  to  say,  no  honor. 


No  honor  ? 


MAYNE. 


PYE. 


None  whatever.  I  have  never  missed  it  or  wanted 
it.  And  the  only  difference  between  me  and  my 
neighbors  is,  that  while  we  all  act  towards  women- 
kind  °  in  exactly  the  same  way,  and  are  equally 
plagued  by  them,  I  spare  myself  the  trouble  of  hav- 
ing to  look  after  my  honor,  in  addition  to  having 
to  look  after  the  lady  who  is  deceiving  me.  And 
I  also  spare  my  friends  a  deal  of  windy  talk  about 
that  same  honor,  which  I  am  lucky  enough  not  to 
possess. 

MAYNE.1 

Pyecroft,  this  is  monstrous !  2  But  you'd  see  things 
differently  if  you  wrere  married !  3 

PYE.4 

Even  in  that  last  extremity  I  question  whether  my 
judgment  would  be  warped.  My  dear  Hardolph, 
just  look  calmly  for  a  moment  at  this  great  matri- 
monial hurlyburly.  What  a  mess  poor  crazy  old 
Dame  Nature  has  made  of  the  whole  business! 
What  infinity  of  dodging  and  deceit  and  trickery 
she  forces  upon  us  to  work  her  silly  unworkable 
scheme!  And  how  we  all  try  to  cover  her  mis- 
takes and  our  weakness  with  words,  words,  words, 
and  shams,  shams,  shams!  What  does  the  wise 
man  do?  A  week  ago,  before  you  heard  my  silly 
club  chatter,  you  were  happy 


0  Mayne  sits 
at  desk. 


1  Rises. 

2  Crosses  to  C. 

3  Goes  L.  c. 

*  Going  c. 


ACT  III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


MAYXE. 

I  was  in  a  fool's  paradise.    Thank  God  I'm  out  of 
it!1 

PYE.2 


1  Sits   in    chair 
btlowjirt  L. 

*  Standing  L.  C. 


'  Goes  to  Afayne 
and  tafs  him 
on  the  shout- 
der. 

•  Rises. 


Going  to  c. 


•  Pointingto  the 
letter  in  his 
hand. 


\Yhy?  What  will  you  do?  Find  another  fool's 
paradise?  With  another  Eve?  Will  you  be  any 
more  secure  in  that?  Yes,  till  some  kind  chance 
opens  your  eyes  again !  And  then  ?  Then  you'll 
rave  again  about  "  wounded  honor/'  and  "  vindicat- 
ing honor "  and  "  dragging  your  honor  in  the 
dust "  and  all  that  stale  claptrap.  My  dear  Har- 
dolph,  why  not,  why  not,  put  yourself  outside  of  it 
for  a  moment  and  see  the  absurdity  of  the  whole 
affair?  Treat  it  as  a  comedy,  and  a  comedy  it  be- 
comes! Treat  it  as  a  tragedy,  and  by  God,  it  is  a 
tragedy;  and  you  break  your  heart!  Come,  come, 
my  dear  Hardolph,  shut  your  eyes  and  join  the 
laughers ! :5 

MAYNE. 

No !  4  Pyecroft,  you  don't  know  what  this  means 
to  me,  or  you  wouldn't  talk  like  this.  It's  an  insult 
to  my  manhood !  5 

PYE. 

Forgive  me,  I  only  wished  to  ease  the  situation  for 
you.  What  have  you  there  ?  n 

MAYNE. 

A  letter  to  my  lawyer,  asking  him  to  come  here  and 
take  mv  instructions. 


Suppose 
What? 


PYE. 
MAYNE. 

PYE.7 


Suppose  Lacy  wished  to  go  abroad- 
116 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


Damn  him !  ° 


MAYXE. 


PYE. 


Certainly.     Damn  him.     And  then  send  him  out  of 
England  for  some  years  ? 


No! 


MAYNE. 


PYE. 


Shall  I  sound  him,  and  try  to  arrange  ? 
MAYNE. 


No! 


PYE. 


At  any  rate  let  the  matter  rest  for  a  day  or  two. 
MAYNE. 


No! 


PYE. 


Suppose  after  a  week  or  two  you  elect  to  take  the 
comedy  view  of  the  situation:  [MAYNE  shakes  his 
head]  or  suppose  the  cruellest  thing  of  all — sup- 
pose when  you've  dragged  your  honor  and  her 
honor  through  the  divorce  court,  suppose  you  find 
you  love  her  after  all 

MAYNE  makes  a  desperate  gesture  and  sits  down,2 
covering  his  face  with  his  hands.  LADY  VE- 
RONA enters.3 

PYE. 
How  d'ye  do,  Lady  Vee  ? 

LADY  V. 


How  d'ye  do? 


117 


Pye  croft  shrug* 
his  shoulders. 


*  By  desk. 

3  Through    cur- 
tains. 

*  Shaking  kands. 

She  crosses 
over  to  fire- 
place, Maynf 
watching  her, 
puts  her  fen 
on  fender  and 
•warms  them, 
standing  with 
her  back  to- 
them.  Pye- 
croft  is  wait- 
ing to  take  his 
leave. 


ACT    III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


Goes    down 

X.  C 


»  Looks  at  Lady 

r. 

4  *.        Uayne 

rises.  J-iufy 
I  ':rona  still 
stands  at  Art, 
hrr  back  to 
Mayne  tvho 
-.Miches  her  a 
in o  me  nt  or 
two. 

*  *.  C. 

'-  U'itftout  turn- 
ing round. 

*  He   makes    an 

angry  gesture 
and  gets  up  C. 

7  After  a  pause. 


•  Places  the  letter 

on  small  table 
«/  L.  c. 

•  Turns . 


*Lady  V.  comes 

L.  C. 


PYE.1 

Good-bye,  my  dear  Hardolph. 

MAYNE.     [To  him,  in  a  low  voice. ~\ 

No — come  back  in  a  little  while  when  I've  spoken 
to  her. 

PYE. 

An  revoir,2  I  shouldn't  send  that. 

[Pointing  to  letter  in  MAYNE'S  hand.    Exit 

PYECROFT.3 

MAYNE.4 

Have  you  nothing  to  say  to  me  ? 

LADY  V.6 
Good  morning.0 

MAYNE.7 

I  mean  to  get  at  the  truth  of  this  affair. 

LADY  V. 
Can  I  help  you  in  any  way  ? 

MAYNE. 

Please  don't  trifle  with  me.  This  is  a  letter  to  Cat- 
termoul. — In  less  than  an  hour  this  matter  will  be 
out  of  my  hands.8 

LADY  V.° 
Hadn't  you  better  wait  and  see  Jo  Lacy  ? 

MAYNE. 
See  him?10 

LADY  V. 

He's  now  on  his  way  here. 

[Taking  a   book,   seating   herself  quietly*1 
her  back  to  him  and  reading  it  during 
following  scene. 
118 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


On  his  way  here  ? 


MAYNE. 


LADY  V.     [Looking  up  from  her  book.'] 

I've   just    left    him.      [Returning    to    her    book.] 
Would  you  like  to  know  what  passed  between  us? 

[Slight  pause.] 


If  you  please. 


MAYNE.     [Sternly.'] 


LADY  V.     [Smiling.] 


Well,  my  dear  Hardolph,  you  must  own  my  posi- 
tion is  a  very  serious  one. 


Serious  ? 


MAYNE. 
LADY  V. 


Well,  isn't  it?  I've  told  you  the  truth,  you  don't 
believe  me.  I  would  tell  you  the  other  thing  if  I 
could  think  of  one  that  would  satisfy  you.  But  I 
can't.  So  I  thought  I'd  just  call  and  see  what  I 
might  expect  from  Jo  Lacy — in  case 


In  case  of  what  ? 


MAYNE. 


LADY  V. 


Well,  it's  only  common  prudence  for  me  to — well- 
a — make  some  arrangements  for  my  future 


Your  future? 


MAYNE. 


LADY  V. 


When  you  turn  me  out  of  doors.     So  my  dear  Har- 
dolph, don't  be  a  dog  in  the  manger  about  me ;  and 

"9 


ACT  III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


don't  say  I  didn't  give  you  the  first  chance  of  re- 
taining my  poor  services. 

[Reads    her    book.     MAYNE   walks    madly 
about  the  room.1 


1  Ccmtt  down 

K.  •  . 


*  Ritt *     and 
stands. 


MAYNE.     [Looks  at  her.] 

I  suppose  Lacy  told  you  he  was  dying  to  take  you 
off  my  hands.  [LADY  VERONA  looks  up  from  her 
book,  smiles  at  him,  and  goes  on  with  her  reading.] 
Did  he? 


LADY  V. 

I'll  tell  you  a  secret, 
wild. 


[Looking  up  again.] 

I  only  said  that  to  make  you 

MAYNE. 
Then  it  isn't  the  truth  ? 

LADY  V. 

I  won't  say  that — as  a  matter  of  fact  I  believe  he  is 
— well — if  not  dying — at  least  quite  willing  to  take 
me  off  your  hands.  But  when  I  told  you  so,  I 
wasn't  sure  of  it.  I  onlv  said  it 


To  make  me  wild !  2 


MAYNE. 


LADY  V. 


Yes,  and  I  succeeded,  didn't  I?  [Laughing  at  him.] 
You  remember  the  morning  you  left  for  Scotland! 
It  made  you  so  wild  that  you  actually  banged  the 
handle  off  my  bedroom  door.  By  the  way,  it  has 
never  been  mended. 

MAYNE.     [Beside  himself.] 

I  daresay  not ! 

[Seeing  her  startled  look  of  indignation. 

MAYNE.     [Ashamed.] 

I  beg  your  pardon. 

1 20 


SD.  I 


JOSEPH   ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


1  Goes    up    K. 
Then  comes  c. 


-  Lady     I',  puts 
her  book  dtnvit 


LADY  V. 

Yes,  I  think  you  should. 

[Goes  back  to  her  book.     He  walks  about 
looking  furtively  at  her.1 

MAYNE.     [At  length.] 
Vee,  I've  no  wish  to  carry  this  to  extremes. 

LADY  V. 
Then,  my  dear  Hardolph,  don't  go  one  inch  further. 

MAYNE. 

If  it  can  be  avoided.  [She  laughs  a  little  laugh  over 
her  book.]  You  must  see  I  can't  let  this  rest  where 
it  is.2  If  you  are  innocent 

LADY  V. 

If?  If?!!!  [Laughs,  rises,  comes  up  to  him.]  Do 
I  look  very  guilty  ? 

MAYNE.    Looks  at  her  very  keenly.] 

I  don't  know.  Mrs.  Knapman  says  you  told  her  to 
hide  from  me  that  you  were  in  town  that  night.  Is 
that  true? 

LADY  V. 
I  asked  her  not  to  mention  that  I  was  in  town. 

MAYNE. 
Why? 

LADY  V. 

I've  told  you  that  I  came  on  a  little  private  business 
of  Joyce's.  Joyce  will  be  here  directly,  and  then 
you  can  ask  her  all  about  it.  If  she  tells  you 

MAYNE. 
If  she  tells  me 

LADY  V. 
You'll  know  all  about  it.3 

121 


8  Goes  a  stef  to 


ACT   III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  I 


MAYNE. 

All  about  what?  Joyce  left  before  "he"  came, 
didn't  she? 

LADY  V. 

I  suppose  so.  I  was  sound  asleep  when  "  he " 
came. 

MAYNE. 

But  what  had  Joyce  to  do  with  Lacy's  coming  here 
— his  staying  here  the  night?  [No  ansiver.]  You 
don't  deny  that  you  and  Lacy  both  arrived  that 
night  ? 

LADY  V. 
No. 

MAYNE. 

You  don't  deny  that  you  came  to  me  in  Scotland 
and  never  said  a.  word  about  it  to  me  ? 


1  Crotset  to  R. 


LADY  V. 

No,  No !    Oh  I  deny  nothing ! l 
MAYNE. 

You  don't  deny  you  gave  instructions  to  my  servants 
to  lie  to  me — you  stooped  to  that 

LADY  V. 

Ah,  what  is  that,  please?    What  have  I  stooped  to? 
MAYNE. 

You  have  thrown  dust  in  my  eyes !  You  are  all  of 
you  in  a  league  against  me !  You  and  your  friends 
and  your  servants!  My  friends!  My  servants! 
They  come  to  me  with  lies  so  palpable,  so  thick,  they 
can't  swallow  them.  I  see,  I  feel,  I  know,  I've 
been  deceived.  I,  good  heavens,  my  servants  pity 
me!  I  see  it  in  their  faces.  [Going  to  her  and 
losing  all  self -control.]  I  say  you  have  deceived 
me  with  this  man!  If  you  haven't,  satisfy  me! 

Satisfy  me,  I  say,  or 

122 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT    III 


LADY  V. 
Or  what  ? 

MAYNE.     [Getting  desperate.] 

Throw  yourself  on  my  mercy !  Confess !  [Seising 
her  hands  violently  *  she  looks  at  him  contemptu- 
ously.] Tell  me  the  truth,  I  say 

LADY  V. 
You're  hurting  me! 

MAYNE. 
Confess !     I  will  know  the  truth. 


LADY  V.     [Very  calm.] 
You're  hurting  me !     I  bruise  very  easily. 

MAYNE. 
I  must  know !     I  will  know ! 

LADY  V. 

Will  you  please  release  me  ? 

[He  releases  her.2     She  is  going  out  of  the 
room.'3     He  quickly  intercepts  her. 

MAYNE.     [Imploringly.] 

No,  Vee,  don't  leave  me.  Don't  go!  Vee,  tell  me 
the  worst!  I'll  try  to  forgive  you!  I  will  forgive 
you.4  [Takes  the  letter  from  table  and  tears  it  up.] 
There !  I'll  face  the  worst  with  you !  Vee,  I  love 
you !  I  can't  help  loving  you.  We'll  go  out  of  the 


country  and  live  this  down, 
forgive  you ! 


Vee,  do  you  hear,  I'll 


LADY  V.     [Very  calmly  and  proudly.] 
Thank  you.     That  is  quite  unnecessary! 

Is  sweeping  bv  him  to  curtains,  when  FOOTMAN  en- 
ters5   and    announces    "Sir    Joseph    Lacy." 

Enter  SIR  JOSEPH.     Exit  FOOTMAN. 

123 


1  He  forces  her 
into  c/t.itr  fijr 
desk. 


*  He  goes  up  c. 

3  By  moving  nf> 
R.  in  Jront  oj 
her. 


4  She  crosses  to 
down  L. 


5  At  door. 


ACT   III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


1  Mcvtt  d  on'  n 
right. 


*  Fmtimg  L. 


SIR  J.1 

How  d'ye  do,  my  dear  Mayne? 

[MAYNE  turns  angrily  from  SIR  JOSEPH.* 
SIR  JOSEPH  looks  inquiringly  at  LADY 
VERONA,  ?c7io  shrugs  her  shoulders  and 
makes  a  little  grimace  of  despair  behind 
MAYNE'S  back. 

SIR  J. 

Now,  my  dear  Mayne,  let  us  have  a  cosy  three- 
cornered  chat,  and  put  this  awkward  little  matter 
right. 

MAYNE. 
I  am  surprised  at  your — your 

SIR  J. 

My  impudence!  My  infernal  impudence?  Not  at 
all.  Believe  me  I've  come  in  a  spirit  of  the  purest 
friendship. 

MAYNE. 
Friendship ! 

SIR  J. 

Why  not?  The  last  time  you  and  I  met  we  parted 
the  best  of  friends — and  we  shall  to-day. 

MAYNE. 
You  think  so? 

SIR  J. 
I'm  sure  we  shall. 

MAYNE. 
You  forget  what  has  happened. 

SIR  J. 
Nothing. 

MAYNE. 
Nothing? 

124 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


Nothing. 
Nothing? 


SIR  J. 
MAYNE. 


SIR  J. 

Nothing.  Lady  Verona  and  I  are  both  here,  and 
we  are  only  to  anxious 

MAYNE. 
Anxious ! l 

SIR  J. 

Only  too  anxious  to  satisfy  you.2     Aren't  we,  Lady 

Vee? 

LADY  V.3 

My  dear  Jo,  I  am  only  too  anxious  to  have  nothing 
further  to  say  or  do  in  the  matter.4 

SIR  J.     [Uneasily.] 

No — no — [looking  from  one  to  the  other']  still, 
we'd  better  give  him  the  exact  particulars,  eh  ? 

LADY  V. 

I  have  given  him  the  exact  particulars — twenty 
times  at  least. 

SIR  J. 

Well  then  we  must  give  him  the  exact  particulars 
just  once  more,  eh?  [Coming  cordially  up  to 
MAYNE.]  Give  him  just  one  more  chance  of 
making  himself  quite  comfortable  about  it,  eh,  Har- 
dolph? 

MAYNE.     [Fiercely.'] 
I  am  in  no  mood  to  be  trifled  with. 

SIR  J.     [Hastily.] 

No — no — I  see  you're  not.5  Come  now,  Lady  Vee, 
let  us  simply  tell  him  the  plain  facts. 

125 


1  Goes  uf  C. 


*  Cresses  to  L.  c. 


*  Down  L. 


*  Mayne     oomtS 
down  R.  C. 


5  Goes  to  Lady 

y. 


ACT   III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


LADY  V. 
It's  perfectly  useless.     He  won't  listen 

SIR  J. 

Oh.  I'm  sure  he  will,1  he'll  listen  to  reason,  won't 
you,  Mayne? 


>  Going  back  t« 


*  Cross  fs    to 
Lady  I'. 


Crones  to  c. 
an<{  afffitls  to 
Sir  J .,  who  is 
K.  c. 


No— a- 

Ah 


MAYNE. 
LADY  V. 

MAYNE. 

I  shall  not  listen  to  any  cut-ancl-clriecl  story  that 
may  be  concocted  for  the  purpose 

LADY  V. 
Concocted!     [To  SIR  J.]    There!     You  see! 

MAYNE. 
Concocted  for  the  purpose  of 

SIR  J. 

No!  No!  My  dear  Hardolph — you  shan't  listen 
to  any  cut-and-dried  story,  and  we  won't  concoct 
anything,  will  we,  Lady  Vee? 

LADY  V.     [Wearily.] 

Yes!  No!  Yes!  No!  Oh,  I  don't  know.  I'm 
ready  to  concoct  anything. 

MAYNE.    [To  SIR  J.] 

You  see ! 2  But  you  always  were  the  most  impos- 
sible  


LADY  V. 

T?    Impossible!    I?3    You  see!    Impossible!     [To 
MAYNE.]     Do  you  remember  the  morning  you  left 

for  Scotland 

126 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT    III 


MAYNE. 

When  you  told  me  that  Lacy  was  dying  to  take 
you 

LADY  V. 
Do  you  remember  the  Post  Office  at  Henley? 

MAYNE. 

The  Post  Office  at  Henley  has  nothing  to  do  with 
this ! 

SIR  J. 
That's  just  what  I  was  thinking 


LADY  V.     [To  MAYNE.] 

After  your  conduct  in  the  Post  Office  I  ought  to 
have  left  you  at  once. 

MAYNE. 
That  would  have  spared  me  this  scandal. 

LADY  V. 

Spare  yourself,  my  dear  Hardolph,  if  you  wish  to 
be  spared.1  And  if  you  won't  spare  yourself,  at 
least  have  the  kindness  to  spare  me.  [She  is  sivecp- 
ing  off.2  SIR  J.  goes  up  and  stops  her.] 

SIR  J.     [Intercepting  her  at  the  door,  he  takes  her 
arm.] 

No,  no,  my  dear  Lady  Vee,  we  can't  leave  it  like 
this  [very  coaxingly.]  Come  now,  let's  give  him 
one  last  chance.3  I'm  sure  he's  only  waiting  to 
make  it  up,  eh  ? 

MAYNE.4      [Indignantly.] 

Lacy,  I  think  it  most  unbecoming  of  you — under 

the  circumstances . 

127 


1  Gees  up  c. 


2  Door  R. 


3  Bringing    her 
damn. 


*  Crosses  to  L.  c. 


ACT   III 


SC.  I 


1  Star t  in f  away 
from  Lady  P. 


*  Gyes  */  c.  tkt* 
to  fireplace  L. 

'  Comes  to  & 


SIR  J.1 

Quite  so,  my  dear  fellow — I'd  quite  forgotten  it  for 
the  moment!  I  beg  your  pardon.  Now,  my  dear 
Mayne,  my  dear  Lady  Vee,  just  one  more  try  to  put 
it  all  straight.  [MAYNE  shows  impatience.]  You 
won't  refuse  to  listen  to  me. 

MAYNE.     [Sternly.] 
Go  on!    [LADY  V.  shrugs  her  shoulders.2 

SIR  J.:{ 

Well — I  had  come  up  from  Devonshire  that  morn- 
ing— My  man,  Staddon  happened  to  be  laid  up  with 
chicken-pox 


Giicken-pox ! 


MAYNE. 
SIR  J. 


Yes,  chicken-pox.  Well,  when  I  arrived  at  Pad- 
dington,  I  found  that  I  had  lost  my  luggage — 
[MAYNE  makes  an  impatient  exclamation.]  Upon 
my  soul,  I  had!  Well, — I'd  lost  my  luggage — my 
club  happened  to  be  closed  for  cleaning — and  as  I 
strolled  along  the  street  outside — [MAYNE  shows 
impatience.]  Knapman  happened  to  be  leaning  out 
of  the  window 

MAYNE. 
I  daresay! 

SIR  J. 

"Hallo,  Knapman!"  I  said,— Well,  he  asked  me 
to  come  in,  and 


MAYNE. 

•Yes,  and  Lady  Verona  happened  to  have  come  up 

the  same  evening,  eh  ? 

SIR  J. 

Yes,  yes!     I  know  it  sounds  rather  silly,  but  upon 
my  word — it's  the  truth,  Mayne. 
128 


SO.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


MAYNE. 
Yes,  I've  already  heard  the  same  story- 


SIR  J. 

We  can  scarcely  call  it  a  story.     Let's  call  it  an 
amusing  little  episode  with  a  happy  ending 

MAYNE. 
A  happy  ending? 

SIR  J. 

Yes,  my  dear  Mayne,  either  for  you  or  for  me. 
You  must  decide  which. 


You  mean  then- 


MAYNE. 

[Looks  from  one  to  the  other. 

SIR  J. 

Come,  you  surely  won't  break  up  your  home  and 
ruin  your  life  and  happiness  and  hers,  because  Lady 
Verona  happened  to  give  me  a  very  simple  breakfast 
consisting  of  two  cups  of  coffee — or  three,  Lady 
Verona  ? 


LADY  V. 


Three. 


SIR  J. 

Three  cups  of  coffee  and  half  a  very  moderate  sized 
sole.  You'll  take  my  word  of  honor  that  my  pres- 
ence here  was  a  pure  accident,  that  I  entered  this 
house  that  night  your  loyal  friend,  that  I  left  it  your 
loyal  friend? 

[Extends  his  hand  to  MAYNE  zvho  refuses  to 
take  it,  but  regards  them  suspiciously. 

MAYNE. 

You  two  have  been  talking  this  over  together  this 
afternoon  ? 

129 


ACT    I!  I 


JOSEPH  KNTANC;U-:L> 


1  Coming  L.  c. 


*  Sir  J.    moves 
down  R. 


»  Return*  to  fire- 
place. 


SIR  J. 
Certainly.     Why  not? 

MAYNE. 

And  you  came  to  the  conclusion  that  the  best  plan 
would  be  for  you  to  come  here  and  give  me  your 
word  of  honor  and  so  put  tilings  straight. 


Certainly. 


SIR  J. 
LADY  V.1 


If  I  were  guilty  should  I  have  brought  him  to  this 
house?  Would  he  have  come  to  you  in  this  frank 
way? 

MAYNE. 

Xo — I  don't  know — yes — of  course  it's  the  very 
thing  you  would  have  done — just  to  throw  dust  in 
my  eyes — as  you  all  are  doing — Fancourt,  Taven- 
der — my  servants 

LADY  V.     [Shrugs  her  shoulders.] 
You  see  ?  3 

MAYNE.     [Tortured,  turns  to  SIR  JOSEPH.] 

Tell  me  this,  Lacy — how  many  times  have  you  given 
your  word  of  honor  in  affairs  of  this  kind  ? 

SIR  J.     [Startled.] 
What  ?    Oh,  my  dear  fellow ! 

MAYNE. 
Answer  me,  please. 

SIR  J.     [After  a  hngish  pause."] 

I  really  don't  remember.  What's  that  to  do  with 
this? 

MAYNE. 
Tell  me  this  then:  suppose — suppose  what  I  think 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT    III 


were  true — would  you  or  would  you  not  be  ready 
to  give  your  word  of  honor  to  save  a  woman's 
reputation?  [Pause.]  Yes  or  No! 

SIR  J. 

Certainly — I  should. 

MAYNE. 
You  would  try  to  save  her — even  if  she  were  guilty? 

SIR  J. 

Certainly  I  should  play  the  game  as  we  English- 
men understand  it. 

MAYNE. 

Ah !  And  you  expect  me  to  believe  you  after 
that?1 


SIR  J. 

My  dear  Mayne,  you  can  believe  me  or  not,  as  you 
please.  In  any  case  we  won't  quarrel  about  it.2 

MAYNE. 
We  won't  quarrel  about  it  ? 

SIR  J. 

Why  should  we?  Either  you  accept  my  word — in 
that  case  we  shall  part  good  friends;  or  you  don't 
accept  my  word — in  that  case  we  shall  part  very 
much  better  friends  still. 

MAYNE. 

Ah,  you  own  it !     You  own  you  are  only  waiting 

your  chance  to  take  her  off  my  hands !     Is  that  so  ? 

[Looking  from  one  to  Hie  other. 

SIR  J. 

You  may  be  sure  that  whatever  responsibility  I  have 
incurred  as  to  Lady  Verona's  future,  I  shall  be 
ready  to  take  it  up  at  the  right  moment.  Do  you 


1  Tunis  away  to 


2  Jfayne     tarns 
to  him. 


ACT    III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


1  Going        to 
Maynt. 


ijfne  foet  up 


\visli  me  to  understand  that  the  right  moment  has 
come? 

MAYNE.     [Goes  to  LADY  VERONA  appeal  ingly.] 

Have  you  nothing  to  say?     Won't  you  give  me  a 
chance  to  hush  it  up  ? 

LADY  V. 

My  dear  Hardolph,   certainly,   hush   it   up  by   all 
means ! 

SIR  J. 

For  the  last  time,  Mayne,  I  give  you  my  word  of 

honor ' 

MAYNE. 

Your  word  of  honor !     Give  me  some  proof.    Some 
proof,  I  say.2 

SIR  J.     [Shrugs  his  shoulders,  to  LADY  VERONA.] 
Lady  Verona,  I  trust  I  have  acted  throughout  as 

you  would  wish 

LADY  V. 
Thank  you,  yes,  Sir  Joseph. 

SIR  J. 

Is  there  anything  more  I  can  do? 
LADY  V. 

Nothing,  thank  you   [looking  at  MAYNE],  matters 
are  very  well  as  they  are. 

MAYNE. 
Ah ! 3 

SIR  J. 

I  shall  remain  in  town.     If  anything  arises  to  prove 
to  Mayne  that  he  is  mistaken 4 

LADY  V.     [With  great  bitterness.] 

Is  it  worth  while  to  prove  to  him  that  he  is  mis- 
taken ? 

132 


8  Coming  dtmm 

c. 
Sir    J.  fofi   up 

K.  to  door. 


*  Sir  J.  comes 
to  table  by 
chair  L.  c. 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT    III 


SIR  J. 

Rely  that  I  shall  make  the  best  fight  I  can  for  your 
reputation.  And  if  I  fail,  I  hope  the  situation  will 
not  be  utterly  unbearable  for  you.1 


Lacy? 


MAYNE.2 


MAYNE. 


If  I  look  over  this — Pyecroft  said  you  would  be 
willing  to  leave  England 

SIR  J. 

Certainly.  If  that  will  meet  the  case — and  if  Lady 
Verona  wishes  it. 

[Looking  inquiringly  to  LADY  VERONA. 

MAYNE.     [Savagely.'] 

If  she  wishes  it !     Are  you  determined  to  ruin  her  ? 
SIR  J. 

No,  I  want  to  save  her.4  I  put  myself  entirely  in 
your  hands.  I  pledge  myself  to  leave  England  and 
stay  away  as  long  as  you  please.  Will  that  satisfy 
you? 

MAYNE. 

Very  well,  I'll  condone  it ! 

LADY  V.     [Indignantly.] 
Condone  ? !    Condone  ? ! r> 

SIR  J.     [Hushing  her  down.]  c 

Lady  Verona,  let  it  stand  at  that  for  the  time.  I'll 
leave  England  to-morrow  for — oh,  say  for  life.7 
I  shall  soon  be  forgotten — this  affair  will  soon  be 
forgotten,  and  by-and-by  he  will  understand.— 
Good-bye ! 

LADY  V. 

Sir  Joseph,  no !    An  hour  ago  I  begged  you  to  clear 

133 


1  Goes  np  to  door 
K.  of  ens  it, and 
is  going  out 
ivnen  Ataytie 
stops  hint. 

•  Goes  up  to  door. 

3  Sir  Josef  ft  clo- 
ses door. 


4  Walks  f/<nun  a 
step  or  ttuo  in 
deliberation 
and  t«rn>.. 


Drofs  dint'it  I.. 


6  Sir  J.  goes 
do^vn  L.  c.  to 
her. 


RTnytie     conies 
down  R.  c. 


ACT    III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


1  Sir   J.    moves 


1  Turns  to  chtiir 


me  from  this  scandal.  Thank  you  for  all  you  have 
done.  Please  don't  try  to  clear  me  any  more.  I 
don't  wish  to  be  cleared ! 

MAYNE. 
What  are  you  going  to  do  ? 

LADY  V. 

I'm  going  to  leave  this  house  with  Sir  Joseph,  if 
he'll  take  me. 

SIR  J.     [Overjoyed.] 
Do  you  wish  that  ?    Do  you  really  wish  that  ? 

LADY  V. 

Yes.  I  will  be  perfectly  faithful  to  you  as  I  have 
been  perfectly  faithful  to  him.1  [To  MAYNE,  who 
makes  a  gesture.']  Yes,  perfectly  faithful!  You 
can  believe  that  now  or  no  as  you  please.  For  the 
future  it  will  make  no  difference  to  me  what  you 
believe!  You  will  have  no  right  to  question  me! 

MAYNE.     [Staggered.] 

Vee !  I  don't  know  what  to  believe !  I  don't  know 
what  to  do ! 

LADY  V. 

Do?  Surely  only  one  thing  remains  for  you  to  do 
— go  to  Cattermoul.  Isn't  that  your  hat?  [Point- 
ing to  hat  zvhich  has  been  on  table  all  through — 
MAYNE  snatches  up  hat.]  Yes,  go  to  Cattermoul! 
And  please  don't  condone  anything!  I  won't  be 
condoned !  I  don't  want  to  be  condoned !  I  want 
to  be  punished  as  I  deserve,  for  being  a  faithful  wife 
to  you ! 

[He  comes  appcalingly  to  her. 


LADY  V.     [Repulsing  him  indignantly.] 


Oh!2 


134 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT    III 


1  Goes  nf>  to  door 


2  Iff  opens  door 
ami  is  about  to 
go  out  ttihen 
SirJ.  makes  a 
movement  to- 
wards I. inly 
/'".  Afnym  sees 
the  movement 
and  stops.  Sir 
J.  stops.  He 
gives  each  it 
searching  look 
and  then  exits 
slo-.vly  shut- 
ting door. 


MAYNE. 

Very  well,  if  you  will  have  it  so.  But  remember  I 
loved  you  so  much  I  was  willing  to  forget  and  for- 
give everything  for  your  sake.1  Remember  how  I 
loved  you !  Think  of  that — when  it's  too  late ! 

[Exit? 

SIR  J.     [IVatelies  MAYNE  off,  then  goes  up  1'cry 
tenderly  to  LADY  VERONA  and  tries  to  caress  her.] 

At  last  then — since  it  must  be  so ! 

LADY  V.     [Repulsing  him.] 
No — not  now — let  me  think. 

SIR  J. 
Tell  me  you  know  I  did  my  best  for  you. 

LADY  V. 

Yes,  yes,  indeed !  And  it  was  to  be — I  couldn't 
help  myself,  could  I  ?  a 

SIR  J. 
Vee.    You  don't  repent 4 

LADY  V. 

No,  I  don't  repent — but  Jo,  everybody  will  think  I 
really  was  guilty. 

SIR  J. 

You  don't  mind  now  what  people  think  or  say,  do 
you  ? 

LADY  V. 

No — no — only  I  want  everybody  to  know  that  there 
really  was  nothing  between  us — that  he  drove  me 
to  this  by  his  suspicions.  You'll  take  care  every- 
body knows  that? 

135 


3  Crosses  hint  te. 


4  Gets  c. 


ACT    III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc. 


ckair  c. 


i  M  1  1 


«  //«•  half  tiirm 
la  K.  then  facts 
her  reproadi- 
jully. 


SIR  J. 

Yes — so  far  as  I  can 

LADY    V.1    thoroughly   breaks   down,   sob- 
bing. 

SIR  J. 
What  is  it,  dearest  ? 

LADY  V.     [Sofrbwg.] 

I  can't  help  it!  You  told  me  to  be  brave  and  to 
chaff  him — so  I  did — just  for  the  time — now  I 
feel [Sobbing. 

SIR  J. 

Come,  dearest,  there's  no  need  to  stay  here.  The 
sooner  you  take  the  plunge  the  better 2 

LADY  V.    [Suddenly.] 

Then  I  haven't  taken  it  ?  Oh,  don't  look  at  me  so 
reproachfully.  You  have  been  good.  And  I  will 
try — I  will  try — only 

SIR  J. 

What's  the  matter?  Come,  trust  yourself  to  me — 
you're  mine  now 

LADY  V. 

No — no.3  Jo,  listen  to  this.  I  am  at  your  mercy — 
if  you  force  me  to  go  with  you,  I  dare  say  I  shall, 
but  I'm  sure  in  three  clays  I  shall  begin  to  hate  you 

[He  makes  a  gesture  of  despair.]     And  after 

all  there  is  a  good  deal  of  excuse  for  his  believing 
the  worst — he  was  ready  to  forgive  me — Jo,  don't 
look  so  reproachfully,4  I  know  I'm  weak  and  foolish ! 
All  my  courage  has  gone — Jo,  I  can't  face  it,  now 
it  comes  to  the  point. 

[She  continues  sobbing  a  little  hysterically. 

LADY  JOYCE  enters  5  goes  to  LADY  VERONA  and  they 
embrace  affectionately,  sobbing  together.6 
136 


4  .Y/V  /.  £•«•*  «/ 

i      am/  thru 
move*  L.  c. 


8  At  door. 

•  Sir    J.    moves 
rr  o  m 

'.  to   K. 


. 

f 
V. 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT    III 


LADY  V. 
Joyce ! 

LADY  J. 

Vee!  [Petting  LADY  VERONA.]  There,  darling! 
There !  Tell  me  all  about  it !  Sir  Joseph,  what 
are  you  doing  here  ?  what  has  happened  ? 

SIR  J. 

Mayne  refuses  to  believe  that  my  presence  here  that 
night  was  an  accident.  What  can  we  do?  your 
sister  has  decided  to  leave  Hardolph  and  place  her 
future  in  my  hands. 

LADY  J. 
No,  no,  Vee,  that  isn't  so — tell  me  it  isn't  ? 

LADY  V. 

I'm  sure  I  don't  know — I  don't  know  what  has 
happened  to  me,  or  what  is  going  to  happen — only 
you  may  be  sure  of  this  dear,  whatever  people  say, 
I  really  am  innocent. 

LADY  J.     [Soothing  her.'} 

Yes — yes — dear — and  Hardolph  must  be  made  to 
see  it.  Where  is  he? 


[MAYNE  comes  through  curtains.'] 


MAYNE.1 


Vee,  forgive  me! 


LADY  V.2 


Then  you  didn't  go  ? 

MAYNE. 

No,  I  was  so  mad  with  doubt  and  jealousy  that — I 
couldn't  help  it — I  went  into  the  next  room  on  pur- 
pose to  listen  to  what  you  and  Lacy  would  say  when 
you  were  alone.  I  heard  every  word. — Pyecroft 
was  shown  in.  I  made  him  keep  quiet,  he  heard  it 

T37 


1  Coming   dovvn 


*  Crossesjoyce  to 
him. 


ACT   III 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


sc.  i 


1  MajrHe   crosses 
K.   c  ,   goes   to 


too.  Vee,  I  don't  know  what  to  say !  I  was  utterly 
mistaken.  I'll  make  any  reparation,  any  apology. 
You'll  forgive  me?  I  beg  ten  thousand  pardons. 

Vee [he  appeals  to  LADY  V.,  who  turns  away 

from  him.     LADY  J.  tries  to  persuade  her  to  forgive 

MAYNE.1 

MAYNE.     [To  SIR  J.] 
I  own  up  and — what  more  can  I  say  ? 

[Offers  his  hand.  SIR  J.  takes  it,  and  they 
shake  hands  silently.  MAYNE  then  goes 
back  to  LADY  V.] 

Vee,  I'm  deeply  sorry — Vee!  Can  you  forgive  me? 
Can  you  forget  this?  [Offers  her  his  hand. 


*  Crosses  to  Sir 
J.  K.  c. 


c.  to  curtains. 


*  Jlftif  tif  and 
/'rfi-r,'/t  co nit 
</.>:<•«  c.  a  tittle. 


"Crosses  to 
Latty  V. 

T  Crosses  L.  c.  la 
Lady  /. 


LADY  V. 

Yes — I  suppose  I  must.  [Takes  his  hand  and  then 
with  a  plaintive  little  smile.]  But  don't  do  it 
again.2  But  what  about  Jo?a 

SIR  J.4 

Oh!  never  mind  me.  I'm  getting  away  from  Lon- 
don for  a  little  while  and — [shows  he  is  feeling  it 
deeply.]  Never  mind  me! 

MAYNE.     [Calling  through  curtains.] 
Pyecroft,  will  you  step  here  a  moment? 

Enter  PYECROFT  through  curtains.6 

MAYNE. 

Pyecroft,  will  you  step  here  a  moment? 
you  know  the  story  is  only 

PYE. 

A  mere  figment,  my  dear  Hardolph,  like  all  these 
stories,  a  mere  figment.6     Lady  Vee,  I  shall  let  all 
our  friends  know.     [Shakes  hands  with  her.1 
138 


SC.  I 


JOSEPH    ENTANGLED 


ACT   III 


MAYNE.1 

You  were  right,  Jo,  you  said  it  was  only  an  amusing 
little  episode  with  a  happy  ending.2 

SIR  J.3 
Yes—          [Joins  MAYNE'S  and  LADY  V.'s  hands.] 


An  amusing  little  episode  with  a  happy  ending! 


QUICK  CURTAIN. 


1  Uf>  c.  to  SirJ. 
•who  is  uf  K. 


1  Lady  y.  conies 
R.  C. 

*  Coming    down 


'39 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


PROPERTY  PLOT  ACT,  I. 

Oval  table. 

Oblong  table. 

Writing  table. 

4  arm-chairs  (small). 

2  single  chairs. 

Small  table. 

Large  china  cabinet  (full  of  china). 

Small  cabinet. 

Medium  sized  cabinet. 

Table  (Hall). 

Chair       " 

Ornaments  about  room. 


Pair  of  trousers. 
Pair  of  slippers. 
Bonnet  and  shawl. 

(On  table).     Plates,  bread,  glasses,  Ham  bone  on  dish. 
(In  cabinet).     Whiskey  in  bottle,  water  jug,  glass  on  tray. 
Ready  off.     Large  silver  tray.     Silver  coffee-pot.     Hot     milk 
jug.     Sugar  basin  and    tongs.     Fish    knives    and 
forks.     Small  knives  and  forks.     2  serviettes.     Table 
cloth.     Real  sole  cooked  on  silver  dish.     Toast  in 
rack.     Marmalade  pot  and  spoon.     Butter  dish  and 
butter.     Butter  knife.     Writing  materials  on  desk. 
George  Morland  coloured  engraving  on  scene. 

LIGHTS. 

House  full  up. 

4  electric  sconces  on  scene  (alight). 

Lengths  off  at  entrances. 

Lights  to  work  up  and  down  at  cues. 


I  Amber  Lime  on  O.  P.  shelf. 

1  Blue         

2  Ambers  on  P.  S.  shelf. 

2  Blue  limes  through  window. 
140 


JOSEPH  ENTANGLED 


ACT  II. 

Large  oak  cabinet. 

Writing-desk. 

Small  chair. 

Small  couch. 

Club  Ignott. 

Long  oak  chest. 

Small  table. 

Medium-sized  square  table. 

Lamp  stand  with  Figure  (Bronze)  on  it. 

Revolving  book-case. 

Low  Japanese  table. 

2  stuffed  arm-chairs. 
Small  arm  chair. 
Tapers,  etc.,  on  desk. 

Cigars,  cigarettes,  ash  tray,  matches  on  table  R. 
Salver  and  letters  and  papers  for  Staddon. 
Stag's-head  and  armour  trophy  on  scene. 

ACT  III. 

Writing-desk 

3  small  tables 

3  arm-chairs     [•  Louis  XVI. 

i  single  chair 

Low  scat 

Dutch  cabinet. 

China      "         full  of  china. 

Coal-scuttle. 

Ornaments   on   mantel-shelf  duplicated  at  back  for    dummy 

looking-glass. 
Bear-rug  front  of  fire. 
Writing  materials. 
Furniture  in  room  at  back. 


141 


Mr.  Henry  Arthur  Jones's  Plays. 


MESSRS.  SAMUEL  FRENCH  beg  to  announce  that  they  have 
taken  over  the  exclusive  publication  in  America  and  England  of 
Mr.  Henry  Arthur  Jones's  Plays  and  Essays.  An  entirely  new 
edition  of  the  plays  is  being  issued,  including  many  of  the  popular 
pieces  not  hitherto  published.  This  edition  will  be  carefully  revised 
by  the  author,  and  will  be  printed  and  bound  in  a  tasteful  manner. 
It  will  offer  the  great  advantage  to  the  stage  manager,  and  to  the 
amateur  actor,  of  containing  all  the  stage  business,  crossings,  exits, 
entrances,  &c.  ;  apian  of  the  scene  and  furniture  ;  a  property  plot,  a 
lighting  plot,  and  all  the  necessary  details  for  the  complete  produc- 
tion of  the  play.  Each  copy  will  indeed  be  a  perfect  prompt  book. 
But  all  these  stage  directions  will  be  printed  in  the  margin,  so  as  not 
to  interfere  with  the  easy  reading  of  the  play  in  the  study.  The 
price  of  plays  in  this  edition  will  be: 


In  Cloth 


postage  4d.  extra. 


2s.  6d.  net. 


The  first  play  of  the  new  edition  will  be  the  comedy  of  JOSEPH 
ENTANGLED.  A  Comedy  in  3  Acts;  9  males,  4  females.  This  will  be 
followed  at  a  short  interval  by  THE  DANCING  GIRL,  and  later  by  THE 
SILVER  KING. 

In  due  course  this  series  will  contain  all  Mr.  Henry  Arther  Jones's 
Plays,  which  will  respectively  appear  in  the  same  form,  as  noon  as  the 
exigencies  of  revision  and  publication  will  permit.  The  following  is  a 
list  of  the  plays  in  preparation  : — 


SAINTS  AND  SINNERS. 

THE  MIDDLEMAN. 

JUDAH. 

THE  CRUSADERS. 

THE  BAUBLE  SHOP. 

THE  TEMPTER. 

THE  MASQUERADERS. 

THE  CASE  OF  REBELLIOUS  SUSAN. 

THE  TRIUMPH  OF  THE  PHILISTINES. 

MICHAEL  AND  HIS  LOST  ANG£L. 

THE  ROGUE'S  COMEDY. 

THE  PHYSICIAN. 


THE  LIARS 

THE  MANOEUVRES  OF  JANE. 

CARNAC  SAHIB. 

THE  LACKEY'S  CARNIVAL. 

MRS.   DANE'S  DEFENCE. 

THE  PRINCESS'S  NOSE. 

CHANCE,  THE  IDOL 

WHITEWASHING  JULIA. 

THE  CHEVALIER. 

THE  HEROIC  STUBBS. 

THE  HYPOCRITES. 


Mr.  Henry  Arthur  Jones's  Plays. 


MESSRS.  SAMUEL  FRENCH  beg  to  announce  that  they  have 
taken  over  the  exclusive  publication  in  America  and  England  of 
Mr.  Henry  Arthur  Jones's  Plays  and  Essays.  An  entirely  new 
edition  of  the  plays  is  being  issued,  including  many  of  the  popular 
pieces  not  hitherto  published.  This  edition  will  be  carefully  revised 
by  the  author,  and  will  be  printed  and  bound  in  a  tasteful  manner. 
It  will  offer  the  great  advantage  to  the  stage  manager,  and  to  the 
amateur  actor,  of  containing  all  the  stage  business,  crossings,  exits, 
entrances,  &c.  ;  apian  of  the  scene  and  furniture  ;  a  property  plot,  a 
lighting  plot,  and  all  the  necessary  details  for  the  complete  produc- 
tion of  the  play.  Each  copy  will  indeed  be  a  perfect  prompt  book. 
But  all  these  stage  directions  will  be  printed  in  the  margin,  so  as  not 
to  interfere  with  the  easy  reading  of  the  play  in  the  study.  The 
price  of  plays  in  this  edition  will  be : 


In  Cloth 


postage  4d.  extra. 


2s.  6d.  net. 


The  first  play  of  the  new  edition  will  be  the  comedy  of  JOSEPH 
ENTANGLED.  A  Comedy  in  3  Acts;  9  males,  4  females.  This  will  be 
followed  at  a  short  interval  by  THE  DANCING  GIRL,  and  later  by  THE 
SILVER  KING. 

In  due  course  this  series  will  contain  all  Mr.  Henry  Arther  Jones's 
Plays,  which  will  respectively  appear  in  the  same  form,  as  soon  as  the 
exigencies  of  revision  and  publication  will  permit.  The  following  is  a 
list  of  the  plays  in  preparation  : — 


SAINTS  AND  SINNERS. 

THE  MIDDLEMAN. 

JUDAH. 

THE  CRUSADERS. 

THE  BAUBLE  SHOP. 

THE  TEMPTER. 

THE  MASQUERADERS. 

THE  CASE  OF  REBELLIOUS  SUSAN. 

THE  TRIUMPH  OF  THE  PHILISTINES. 

MICHAEL  AND  HIS  LOST  ANG£L. 

THE  ROGUE'S  COMEDY. 

THE  PHYSICIAN. 


THE  LIARS 

THE  MANOEUVRES  OF  JANE. 

CARNAC  SAHIB. 

THE  LACKEY'S  CARNIVAL. 

MRS.   DANE'S  DEFENCE. 

THE  PRINCESS'S  NOSE. 

CHANCE,  THE  IDOL 

WHITEWASHING  JULIA. 

THE  CHEVALIER. 

THE  HEROIC  STUBBS. 

THE  HYPOCRITES. 


ON  READING  MODERN  PLAYS. 

BY  HENRY  ARTHUR  JONES. 

A  pamphlet  copy  of  this  most  interesting  article,  will  be  posted 
free  on  application. 


MR.  HENRY  ARTHUR  JONES'S 
ESSAYS  AND  LECTURES. 

MESSRS  SAMUEL  FRENCH  have  also  arranged  for  the  future 
publication  of  all  Mr.  Henry  Arthur  Jones's  Lectures  and  Essays 
on  the  Drama.  A  collection  of  such  of  these  as  have  not  been 
heretofore  published  will  be  issued  in  a  few  months  entitled : 

"THE     FOUNDATIONS    OF    A 
NATIONAL  DRAMA." 

BY  HKNRY  ARTHUR  JONKS. 

Containing  the  Lectures  on  the  Modern  Drama  delivered  at  Harvard 
and  Yale  University. 


44  The  Renascence  ot  the  English 
Drama." 

A  VOLUME  OF  ESSAYS,  LECTURES, 
PREFACES,  AND  FRAGMENTS.    .    . 

BY  HKMIY  ARTHUR  JONES 

Can  be   obtained  from  Messrs.  Samuei    French.      Price  6s. 


PLAYS    OF  ALFRED   SUTRO. 

Paper,   is.  6d.         Cloth,   Library  Edition,  2s.  6d. 

THE  FASCINATING  MR.  VANDERVELDT 

A    COMEDY  IN  FOUR  ACTS. 

CAVE    OF  ILLUSION.   (cioth  Oniy.) 

A   PLAY  IN  FOUR   ACTS. 

MOLLENTRAVE   ON   WOMEN. 

A  COMEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS. 

THE  PERFECT  LOVER. 

A   PLAY  IN  FOUR  ACTS. 

THE    WALLS   OF  JERICHO. 

A   PLAY  IN  FOUR  ACTS. 
The  following  One-Act  Plavs  at  6d.   each. 

CARROTS. 

THE  CORRECT  THING. 

ELLAS  APOLOGY. 

A   GAME  OF  CHESS. 

THE  GUTTER   OF  TIME. 

A  MAKER  OF  MEN. 

A  MARRIAGE  HAS  BEEN  ARRANGED 

THE  OPEN  DOOR. 

MR.  STEINMANWS  CORNER. 

THE  SALT  OF  LIFE. 


THE    PLAYS    OF  R.    C.    CARTON. 

IB.  6J.  each. 

LADY  HUNTWORTH'S  EXPERIMENT. 
LIBERTY  HALL, 
SUNLIGHT  AND  SHADOW. 

THE   PLA  YS   OF  H.    V.  ESMOND. 

IB.  6<1.  each. 

BILLY'S  LITTLE  LOVE  AFFAIR. 

ONE  SUMMER'S  DA  Y. 

WHEN  WE  WERE  TWENTY-ONE. 

WILDERNESS. 

THE  PLAYS  OF  MADELEINE  LUCETTE 
R  YLE  Y. 

IB.  6d.  each. 

AN  AMERICAN  CITY. 
fEDB  UR  Y  JUNIOR. 
MICE  AND  MEN. 

THE  PLA  YS   OF  OSCAR  WILDE. 

is.  6d.  each. 

IMPORTANCE  OF  BEING  EARNEST. 
LADY  WINDERMERE'S  FAN. 


LONDON:    SAMUEL  FRENCH.  LIMITED. 

O- 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A     000  676  961     6 


